Overheard behind a patient's curtain in the ER:
Patient: My back hurts and I can hardly walk. My prescription for Dilaudid is out, but my doctor's out of town until next week. I hate my husband, and one of these days I swear I'm going to kill him.
Doc: How long have you had this back pain?
Patient: My husband is the spawn of Satan. I hate him and one of these days he'll end up with his throat slit. Too bad my back hurts so much I can hardly walk.
Doc: Ma'am, what does your husband have to do with your back pain?
Patient: He causes the back pain with his mind. I'm going to kill him because he messes with my mind!
Doc: Are you saying your husband is the cause of your back pain?
Patient: I hurt so much, I can't walk, and I'm going to kill him!
Doc: (After a long, thoughtful pause)..........Have you thought of hiring a HUSBAND WHISPERER? He whispers in your husband's ear and his behavior improves......
Patient: Do you really think he could help me with my husband? I'll try anything, and my back hurts so much I can't walk over and kill him whenever he acts up.
Doc: It works like a charm. Wait here while I go get his number (and fill out your Baker Act form, since you have homicidal ideations and are delusional).
Every woman should have the HUSBAND WHISPERER'S phone number in her PDA.