Beware of KILLER DOGS in unfriendly towns!

This is Bubbles. All five pounds of her. She is small, yappy and has a BIG attitude. She's fiercely devoted to MOMMY (me), hates men (mostly) and very protective. She's also a Houdini who can escape at a moment's notice out any open door, especially if she sees something she finds interesting. I'm almost certain that her eyesight is poor because she barks at the most ridiculous things (shadows, coconuts on the ground, rope) but she is harmless. Her mouth is tiny. Her teeth are tiny. I have to cut up all her food in tiny pieces because she can't chew them very well.

She's never bitten anyone. Really bitten, like in teethmarks, open wounds. But she barks up a storm and is relentlessly IN YOUR FACE (ankles?) if you cross into her territory or get too close to me.

She goes everywhere with me. My choice of hotels is dictated on whether they are pet-friendly. She travels well and likes Dairy Queen, McDonalds and beef jerky on the road. She'll sleep in my lap while I'm driving, or look out the window.

She just went to Miami for the weekend. She accomodated just fine, thank you, once she found my bed and my covers. But I made the mistake of leaving the door open for just one SECOND and POOF!!!........out she ran right into the path of a large male jogger plugged into his IPod.

She ran. She barked!!! he PANICKED!!

It was ridiculously funny to see a big grown man panicked and screaming "It's got teeth!! It's going to BITE ME!!!"

And then my humorous moment turned to rage as he tried to kick the dog.

I went after Bubbles, called her, and she came, while continuing to bark. I yelled at him, "Look at the size of the DOG, you IDIOT!! She can't open her mouth big enough to bite you!!" I tell you, completely panicked!

The only parts of his body that fits in her mouth are his (lack of) manhood.

No one got kicked. Bubbles was safely returned to the comfort of her doggie pillow. Someone had to go change their underwear.


So there.....just another reason never to leave the Keys!

LOBSTER TAILS

THEY WERE TORMENTING THE DOG......

BEFORE THE CHEF CORRALLED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.

BEFORE THEY WERE LIKE THIS.......

October Begins

It is October. My favorite month of the year. The month that the weather gets divine down here in the Keys. The month TeenQueen and I celebrate another year above ground. Halloween. FantasyFest. The holidays around the corner. All good things. And hopefully, work starts picking up too, because we're hurting around here.

Celebrated my birthday weekend with a little side trip to Miami for some shopping with the TeenQueen. In the end I didn't buy much because, although I WANT, I didn't really NEED much of anything. Decided at 4PM on a Saturday afternoon while sitting in crazy traffic in South Miami that I had had ENOUGH!!! of Miami---so much for that---and picked up my stuff and headed home. Ended up celebrating on Sunday at LaTeDa's excellent brunch in Key West and practically had the whole place to myself! I had been planning to do a sunset cruise later that afternoon, but a little too much champagne during brunch killed that idea.....didn't last that long into the day! But it was a great time, with good company and food, and that's all that matters. The weekend was memorable, all were well-behaved, and things have a way of straightening out if you don't drag them around too much.

Back to work tomorrow. Everyone packed away and home where they belong. Next week my services have been requested by PACU to cover a co-worker's vacation. So a little change of pace is in store. Five days, plus an ER day. A little extra work comes in handy.

Things are quiet and peaceful. Just the way I like them. Let's see how long that lasts! HB and I have entered a period of detente regarding life in general. He's accepted my decision to stay here. He's not pushing. He realizes I need space to breathe. That doesn't mean he doesn't wish I'll change my mind. But it is what IT IS. And even he admits he's miserable in Miami. He breathes like a free man when he's here, away from work and his problems. Such a complicated man right now! But his complications don't taint me because I don't let them taint me. I'm here to lend an ear, a hand, but not to assume responsibility for things that I don't own. And the economic reality is always there....I have work HERE. Work there is scarce right now. And if the traffic situation this weekend is any indicator of my mood, I'm going to be pretty grumpy and unliveable with.....and we both know it!

Stone crab season is coming up. Life is beautiful. Just a series of sunrises and sunsets and the fun you have in-between!

BOOBS IN PARADISE

I have decided I am the shit magnet in the ER this month. Everytime I work, it's wall to wall patients, nut jobs and repeat offenders. And I am the lowest common denominator. It gets bad when everyone, including the lab personnel, see me in the ER and go " .......OH NO..........it's HER!" What did I do to deserve this? Some of the docs are even jokingly asking me when I work next month so they won't schedule on the same day. Funny, you guys...

So we're busy. It's ok, it's not like we have hellish days. Compared to real hospitals, a bad day in our ER is a great day anywhere else. So we see twenty people in a 12 hour shift. I've worked places where 20 people are triaged in an HOUR. Sound familiar? Our problem is we have a running shortage of docs. Our local docs are worked to death. Our part-timers fill in, but they're not in town. They can't just be called if one of the locals is exhausted, needs back-up, or becomes ill, as has happened before. And God forbid, something catastrophic happens, like it did several weeks ago. One of our out-of-town docs had a car accident and broke his hand and wrist, requiring plates/screws etc. Our local doc had worked 24 hours of a very busy shift, and there was no one to replace him. We were lucky to see our first patient at noon, but what if the trend had continued? I felt awful for him.

So if anyone wants to work as an ER physician in PARADISE, please think of us! Great sunsets, lobster benedict for breakfast across the street, a fun bunch of nurses in the ER. We treat our docs well. We feed them. Take them out for cocktails. Lend them boats to go fishing. Babysit their pets. Come on down!!!

Best ER story of the week. If you're unemployed, on Medicaid, on methadone for "chronic pain" issues, you have no business getting a boob job. You equally have no business not doing your follow-up visit for your boob job, taking a ten-day supply of narcotics in 3-4 days, then coming to the ER to get more narcotics because the boob job hurts SOOOOOO much and you're all bruised and could you please give me a note for class because I can't sit at the computer in school with these hurtin' BOOBS! And then fall asleep, stoned out of your mind while the doc is interviewing you........asleep with food in your mouth.

Sometimes I wish I could take pictures.........HIPAAA........I know...........sucks.

WRITTEN IN CONCRETE.....at least for today!

PS........................

For all of those who are wondering......

The MOJO stays in PARADISE!!!

Higher order: PARADISE
Lower order: HB

So low in the pecking order that I can't even see him......oh well.....(ps.----your stuff is packed).

As I like to say: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!!

Not Mentally Healthy......

We've had three crazy days in the ER this week. All beds full. Some beds full of fruitcakes. Sick people. Sick-in-the-head people. People you had to hustle to fly out to Miami before things got ugly. People who wouldn't accept that they were sick, dying, on death's door, but were too BUSY to get treated.

My favorite was the phantom pregnancy. Yes I was pregnant. Yes, I dropped it in the toilet. And flushed. Negative HCG. Negative ultrasound. No bleeding. No physical signs of pregnancy. Yes, this happens to me all the time. Next time, I'll fish it out of the toilet and PROVE to you all I am pregnant. All delivered with that wonderfully flat, blank affect. Lovely. Pregnant women, hold on to your bellies....there's been a lot of home-made C-sections reported lately by women who want babies....your babies!

Then we come to the litigious TIA person, who drinks and smokes crack cocaine, but blames a pill given to him in prison for his TIA's. The jail you spent a month in for.....breaking and entering, possession of *WOW* crack cocaine! There's a conspiracy theory everywhere. He signed papers under false pretenses. Everyone's out to get him. He has things to do at home.....I don't have time to be Baker-Acted! Yes, sir you do. And the police escort at your bedside will cool your heels until you are transferred.

Another lovely contestant happened to swallow a bag of cocaine while being searched. Then refused permission to have the surgeon extract it, saying he would rather die than go to jail, because you know what they do to good-looking boys in jail. Hate to break it to you sweetheart, you're not all that lovely to look at. And even the repeated explanations of a slow painful death by cocaine bag rupture didn't sway you. In a move against the clock, we had to call a judge on a Sunday afternoon and interrupt his daiquiris to get a court order to RUSH you to surgery and save your life. And we still got called every name in the book by you, sweet child. You ARE clueless. You play, you pay!

Lovely lovely patients. Of course they are not all like that. I had a little old guy latch on to my upper arm and attempt to bite me while in the middle of a rectal exam. No dentures, fortunately.....he just gummed me a little. I had to laugh, then he laughed too when I asked him if I tasted good! Such a cutie....love patients like that!

Everyone gets the happy treatment in our ER. Just be NICE to us......we are LOADS of fun! Flirt with us, we will flirt back! Send us flowers (some patients do!) Send us chocolate and we'll love you forever. Buy us lunch and we'll flash you. You get as good as you give.

And after the long shift is over, and you're sitting in the pool having a cocktail...you know that you got your brownie points in for Heaven today. You didn't kill anyone, you tried to do your best, you probably entertained some, irritated others.... and that is the nature of the profession.

Happy weekend from Paradise!!!

xoxoxo

Mojitogirl

SUAVECITO.....

That's me in Havana. On the other side of the water.



Four days off. Six days on. Eight days off. Essentially the flow of my life these days.

Days working mean 12 hour days in a non-busy ER. Get up early, then get home, eat, shower, go to bed and do it all again the next day, occasionally interrupted by a swim, a walk on the bridge, dinner with friends, an on-the-run martini at the Hurricane.
Hug the TeenQueen, cuddle with the dog, then into bed. Try to entertain myself in the ER during the day, but boy, if it's SLOW, the day drags.....sometimes we're actually all jumping on any patient that walks through the door.

Days off, however, are a study in tropical living. Beach time, pool time, tan time, boat time, lobster time, cooking for friends time. Even a little down time in Miami if the call schedule permits. HB time, if he happens to come into town for a few days (and is on his BEST behavior, which usually happens after a few days away from me). The off-days haven't even been interrupted lately with extra shifts because everyone is SLOW and there's no extra work to be found. Bad on the wallet. Good on the soul.

I just realized today that we are at peak hurricane season and there has been hardly a stir. No constant Weather Channel watching like last year, where every other weekend we were making evacuation plans. This year, if we have a passing shower in the afternoon, we're amazed. The days have been beautiful, and you can already tell the change in the season: the days are shorter, the sun sets earlier, the breeze is balmy, less oppressive. One more month before the A/C comes off and the windows open until May....and the electrical bill goes down significantly.

FantasyFest is around the corner, coming up next month. I think this will be the year I bypass the ER and actually GO downtown to see what the hoopla is all about. I'm trying to get a group together from out of town, since I don't really want to dress up/body paint/raise hell/get smashed, just go and mingle. I mean I love a good costume party as much as the next person, but the idea of public nudity, drunken idiocy and vomiting in someone's front yard is not really my idea of a good time. Call me old-fashioned....

I'm so happy here. Life might not always be stress-free, but my surroundings kind of melt everything away. I think I'd rather struggle a little here to make it than be in the lap of luxury somewhere else. It's not all about being happy. It's about being at peace with myself. With my life, how I live it. That I find joy in the little things, not the stuff I buy. Can't buy a sunset. Can't buy a manatee. Can't buy an ocean breeze.

But I can buy an expresso martini after my bridge walk!

Maybe I should change the nickname to MartiniGirl---naaaa! I've been Mojitogirl for way too long! And anyway, I only drink mojitos these days when I'm in Havana, sitting at the outdoor restaurant opposite the cathedral in the colonial part of the city. That's a tradition I intend to keep as long as I can hold a glass up to toast with. Mojitos in Havana. Anything else-everywhere else!

Bittersweet in Paradise

I love the Keys. Other than Daytona Beach, where I lived previously, this is a place where I feel comfortable, like in my own skin. The relative ease of living here is palpable. Things FLOW here for me. I do my thing and no one bothers me. I walk the dog at 1AM down a dark street with a Q-beam so I wont lose her (she's a black MinPin, very EASY to lose, especially if there's a cat in the area) and I don't give it a second thought. I cruise in and out of places without fear. I drive like the locals, slowly, lumbering around in no particular hurry. I know the cops, the clerks at the market and drugstore, know my neighbors. I work in a little hospital where I can float effortlessly through any department without stress.

Lately I have been overcome with a sense of urgency, as if Paradise is coming to an end for me. I know why. It's because Paradise is not infinite. My time here is coming to an end. I just don't know when.

Why leave Paradise? Because if I stay here, I will become complacent. I won't be able to rejoin civilization again. I won't be able to work at a REAL hospital again, because it would be too stressful. Because I really have to go back to school and get an advanced nursing degree. I can't do this 12 hour shift thing forever. In a couple of years my knees and hips will be shot and I won't be able to run around like I used to. Couple that with a TeenQueen who just gets more expensive year after year, college, car, insurance looming before us like the 800 pound elephant in the room. Financially, it's just getting more difficult to live comfortably here, and while I can work 4 to 5 days a week and make extra money, I can't continue to do this forever. I've tried downsizing, cutting here and there, but it's just getting harder and harder.

Plus, we have the HB factor. Which I don't want to get into, but the crux of it is: He's got a business to run. And he can't run it from here.

The thought of leaving Paradise makes me extremely melancholic. All I ever have to do if I'm feeling down is go outside and see the ocean, feel the breeze, walk the bridge. Go sit in the boat even if it's parked at the dock. Just the fact that I wander around town in shorts, bikini top and flip-flops and no one gives me a second look is sooooo soothing to the brain. I never wanted to go back to wearing full make-up to go get the mail in the mailbox, to high heels and panty hose, to the latest handbag craze, to name-dropping. I hated it then. I hate it more even now.

I have a favorite saying: "Don't spend money you don't have on things you don't need to impress people you don't know and who don't give a damn anyway." This is the antithesis of living in Miami, where you DO spend money on things you DON'T need to impress people-period. To me this is nauseating to the core. It goes against everything I believe in. I don't want to be anywhere near this, much less sucked into this atmosphere. Yet this is what I'm contemplating.

I don't even want to think about the traffic, the road rage, the rude people, all squished together into a huge city.

I love the Keys. I love that I can walk into Tranquility Bay, swim in the pool and no one blinks. I love that I can go to Bahia Honda, sit under a palm tree and have a beautiful scene laid out in front of me-and have it all to myself. I love the fact that I have what I need here, and I don't need much anymore. I've downsized and downsized and still feel the need to DOWNSIZE much more! But I can't retire on the sailboat if I don't go back to school, then make the money to buy the sailboat ( oh, yes....and take sailing lessons so I can take it out of the dock!)

If I go, I'm going to miss this place. The ease of being ME here. My little ER, my crew, my friends. My sunsets over the water. My tan. My docs, who are a fun bunch of bananas, each and every one of them. The Keys gave me license to be ME-water sprite, ocean wench, happy and tattooed. The Keys gave me joy among all the calamitous things that happened to me here-marriage break-up, Thanksgiving in jail, financial set-backs, TeenQueen trouble. I probably would have gone nuts anywhere else. Here, you knew that the sun would set in all its glory and be back to offer you a new glorious sunrise the next day.

Sometimes you have to give up something of a lower order to achieve something of a higher order. Problem is, I don't know which is the "lower order" variable. Is it the Keys? Is it HB?

Decisions, decisions!

Anyway, I live every day like it's my last. I tell the people I care about that I love them, I'm good to my patients and my coworkers, I enjoy every sunset, I cuddle with the dog and cat. And I pray for clarity and serenity and the ability to make a sound decision without the subsequent need to be medicated on anti-depressants. God may close some doors, but he always leaves a window open. I just have to feel the seabreeze somehow.

Unlikely Fishing Buddies.

The TeenQueen is a funny character of sorts. She's independent, smart beyond her years and in possession of her own STRONG opinions. She's also rebellious, somewhat of a procrastinator and never lets an opportunity slip by to tell it like it is. She's also a possessive, slightly jealous soul. When she first met HB, her opening line was "Oh, you must be the ass*****ole boyfriend." No shame. Whatsoever.

My, how things change in a short time.

The TeenQueen and HB went fishing yesterday. I don't go fishing with him because I can't do anything right enough for him, from casting a line to driving my own boat to having the right equipment on the boat. He yells, I get mad, I sulk, but we're stuck together and can't get away. He yells and carries on if the fish get away. He yells and carries on if a barracuda takes his fish. He's LOUD.....and usually in an inoffensive sort of way, but I don't like people who yell. I avoid them at all costs. Little childhood trauma of mine, but hey, I deal with it.

So, whatever possessed my worldly, "I can't be bothered to talk to adults because I'm the Supreme Center of the Universe" child to go fishing with him while I working is BEYOND my comprehension. But out fishing they went, side by side, on the boat for hours, catching fish after fish which they brought home. Who knew?

HB pronounced the TeenQueen a consummate fishing pro. He praised her single-minded devotion and concentration to the task at hand. He liked the fact that she knew good fishing spots and she helped bring in the boat to dock without prompting. He liked that she handled her own bait. He was impressed.

I was impressed that he was impressed.

Afterwords, I asked her how it went out there. She said she had fun. I also asked if he had yelled at her. She replied coolly, "He yelled. I yelled back at him. You know I'm a bitch, Mom and I don't take crap from anybody."

The sight of them sorting through the lobsters, with her explaining how to clean them, how to identify males from females, and scolding HB because one of the lobsters was too small almost brought me to tears.

My little girl is growing up!

The Q WORD

Finally getting some downtime in the ER. After a whirlwind of activity in there since before mini-lobster season, it has finally toned down ( and NO-the Q-WORD will not be used!) to where we're actually cruising through the day without much hoopla. It's been nice to the point that you can actually go out and pick up lunch, then come back and eat. That all 6 rooms aren't full at the same time, that stupid stuff isn't coming through the door every two minutes. We need a break before high season begins again.

The same goes for the town. Everybody's talking about the next two DEAD months. I've actually been out and about in town and the place is pretty empty except for the locals. The other day I had the pool at Tranquility Bay practically to myself. Which wasn't bad, since I was not in the greatest of moods and I just needed a quiet place to think, carry on conversations in my head and try not to scream in frustration at things that weren't going well. Even that has passed, and now I'm in full JOY mode again, doing the things I love to do without interruption or prior commitments. Even work is fun again when you don't have to rush home to SERVE the NEEDY....

I took a walk last night on the old Seven Mile Bridge while the sun went down and the moon came up over the water. I usually do morning walks before it gets too hot, but yesterday I missed my morning window of opportunity and decided to do it at night. As I stood on the bridge at dusk, listening to my IPOD, I couldn't help looking around at the beauty of the place, where I was standing, over the water, under the moon. I had to thank God out LOUD for the opportunity to be here. For the chance to savor this beauty before me. For the moment that I was living HERE. NOW. Even though I might not be here tomorrow, I was here today and I experienced ocean, sky, moon, sunset and profound JOY. And no matter how dire any situation was, I would be OK. And I am.


For those of you interested in the fishing report, snapper and swordfish are running in droves. Lobster is EVERYWHERE. If you can fish, you don't need to buy your source of protein. The weather is great, the hurricanes have for the most part stayed away, and the seas are calm. It's still hot, but we're crawling towards October already. Next weekend is Labor Day, and I'm OFF for 8 days. I'm having friends come into town and there will be a lot of fish tales to be made!

In the meantime, I swim in the afternoon at Tranquility Bay, walk the bridge, go to the beach, keep up with my friends, keep the TeenQueen on task, and plan my winter jaunt to Macchu Picchu. And work to pay the bills. Ok, it's not all fun.

Have a great weekend, wherever you may find yourselves


XOXOXO from PARADISE.

Bugger off, eh?

To all those naysayers that profess to think that I'm a difficult personality and that I'm a burden in their life.....I say this!


LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!


Don't like me much? Too complicated for you? Too bossy? Too ballsy? Too much baggage? I challenge YOU to do better!!


See ya.....

TeenQueen 9-HB 0

The TeenQueen brought in 9 lobsters today on an afternoon jaunt with her friends while boating. When HB finds out......it's going to get ugly......!!!! Bested by a GIRL? NO WAY!!

Something tells me I'm going to be sick of lobster by the time the season is over. When does stone crab season open? October? Oh goody........

Oh, those pesky BUGS!!!

HB is on a personal mission. He wants lobsters. He wants them NOW! And he's vexed because the lobsters he wants are living under the dock where my boat is parked. They live there, and you're really not supposed to harvest them unless you're a certain distance from shore. But they are (supposedly) easy pickings for anyone. Except HB.

He's tried and tried and TRIED to get at them. And they foil him at every turn. Every chance he gets, he goes over to the dock and peers underneath to see where they are. If the water is clear, he scopes out the whole underside of the dock, several hundred feet of it. Like a policeman doing a head count. And then he broods and plans how to bring them up. Never mind that the canal is rocky, probably full of bull sharks, which are notoriously aggressive, and other unkindly predators. He's already fallen off the dock once and scratched himself to hell. He's lucky that he didn't dislocate or break anything.

But it has become his own personal crusade.

Lobsters for lunch. Lobsters for dinner. Catching the wretched beasts. He's obsessed.

I don't understand. If you want them THAT much, go buy them. The prices are incredibly low this season.

Every hunter has his prey. And he's being bested by a brainless crustacean.

You can't pay for this kind of entertainment!!!

It's Jim Cantore Time!!!

It's a rainy day in Paradise.

So much for the weekend. Hurricane season is in full swing and our first taste of it is coming down in buckets in the form of Tropical Storm Ana. It's gray, overcast and pouring rain. So much for jaunting over to Key West, sitting by the pool and generally having a merry old time this weekend. I knew the boating situation was shot, since we have a small craft advisory all weekend. But hell, I don't want to be stuck INDOORS all weekend! Even if HB is home! I've got a killer work week coming up and I need RAYS!

We finally caught some lobsters the other day. And some great fish. We've been feeding our friends tasty ceviche, fish chowder and other concoctions. I even turned down fish last night.....for the first time in my life. No thanks, I think I'll have french toast for dinner. I'm all fished out!

The ER has been slow but steady. Lots of lacerations and pustulent abscesses lately. No more middle of the night bowel resections either, thank goodness. That's getting old real quick. The cool thing about my job is that I can pretty much do anything ANYWHERE in the clinical areas, so people pull me for emergencies, and that breaks up the monotony of the day. Yesterday I got pulled to the OR because one of the nurses was running a little late coming in for a call-back. So I got the patient into the surgical area, prepped him, did his paperwork, got him into the OR and was back in the ED in time to give report and get OUT! I like doing that sometimes. Key West keeps calling for shifts too, and I can't afford to turn them down at this time. Money is getting a little tight in Paradise, and we still have at least 3 months of slow season before we pick up again.

On a cool note, had a pretty gruesome propeller accident the other day. Almost total degloving of a leg, It looked like something out of a Terminator movie, when Arnold takes his skin off and you can see the titanium endoskeleton underneath. Lots of bare tendons, tib-fib and a pulsating pedal pulse like a little water balloon. Patient was driven from the boat to the dock to the ED, so TraumaStar wasn't called until he got to us, but we still managed to get the patient choppered out in 45 minutes. Very cool! It was an impressive wound, and I heard from the chopper crew that even the staff at the trauma center were impressed with the wound when they saw it. Patient did OK, too. So glad!

I've had a really good offer from HB, my knight in shining armor. He owns a beautiful home in Miami, two hours away. He's offered to move me up there, no expenses, just work and make money. I have lots of agency work up there, probably more work than here. The TeenQUeen's schooling wouldn't be an issue, since she's now homeschooling via computer. There's just one sticking point: I HATE MIAMI!! I would have to leave my beloved Keys. Not be near the ocean. I'm not starving yet. I appreciate the fact that he wants us together and that he spends lots of time here, but he also needs a home base. His house is empty most of the time when he's here. And eventually the travel is going to get to him, even though he LOVES it here. He practically grew up here and has fished and dived most of the upper Keys.

Dilemma. I have a cushy job. It's expensive to live here. I love the Keys. I hate traffic. I HATE MIAMI.

I'll keep working reaallll hard!! I am ocean. I'd be miserable in Miami. This is where I want to be. Even with the prospect of a beautiful home and being a kept woman, I still balk. I guess anyone else would be jumping at the opportunity. But I'd rather be poor (or semi-poor!) and independent in a place where I love than be well-kept and happy (?) in a place I hate.

Oh, well. It's raining outside. Time for some indoor sports!

Off-Season Peace and Tranquility

It has been a laid-back week here in Paradise. Hot, sunny, lazy days. After mini-season, the tourists are mostly gone. I'm unhappy to inform you that we caught NO lobsters during mini-season, due to the whipped-up currents and water turbulence. HB went out the first day, I joined him the second day. A big fat ZERO for a catch. At least we got in some boat time without incidence! No breaking down, no overheating engine, no colossal arguments or temper tantrums about broken lines and lost anchors. Life is always in Category 4 hurricane mode with HB around. Like Zorba the Greek on speed, he never does things quietly and smoothly. It's all about the DRAMA.....

I hate DRAMA. I get enough of it at work. If you ever call a drug-seeker's bluff, you get DRAMA. If you have a TeenQueen at home, you're guaranteed DRAMA. I have a very low tolerance for it. I have a low tolerance for adults who behave like spoiled children when they don't get their way, when they're told what they don't want to hear, when they make the same stupid decisions time and time again. I ain't your mamma.......didn't give birth to you, so don't ask me what to do and then ignore what I tell you!


But this week has been peaceful. HB is back home, attending to his business. The TeenQueen has two friends down from Daytona Beach for the week, and it has been positively low-key here with all these teens in the house. They're having a grand old touristy time, going out on boat and beach adventures, parties, Key West jaunts. They're polite and quiet and somehow manage to keep the TeenQueen out of her usual trouble. Nice girls, too, the kind you want to have back over and over again. I'm trying to convince them to join us in Peru at the end of December, when I drop off the TeenQueen with her father and go on to Macchu Picchu with HB and whoever else wants to come along.

The ER has been essentially tranquil also. Just the locals, mostly. I've actually had time this week to head to the pool at Tranquility Bay a few times to take a dip and sunbathe. My house is clean, my laundry is done, and I've actually had down time for a nap or two. As much as I miss HB, my house feels normal again, quiet, spa-like. No mess in the kitchen. No lost keys, phone, wallet, pocket knife, etc. In spite of all the on-call surgery I've been doing lately (a couple of big bellies this week in the middle of the night), life is peaceful.

I like peace. I hate drama. I like HB. I'm in a quandry. Maybe peace is overrated?

Lobster Mini-Season Madness!!

Big events this week for the Keys. In the middle of the long, hot summer, we have a torrential influx of tourists. Tourists and their boats. Tourists and their otitis externa from diving and snorkeling. Tourists and their fish hooks in their fingers, their arms filleted by sharp objects while trying to clean fish, their heads, shoulders and backs banged up after falling off the dock after too many Bud Lights. What a weekend in the ER! I can't wait for Wednesday and Thursday, the official start of Lobster Mini-Season. That's when they open lobster harvesting to the masses for 2 days before the commercial fishermen put out their traps. Everyone becomes a lobster hunter with their tickle sticks and spearguns. I expect some trauma coming my way.

Key West had its Hemingway Festival this weekend. More drunken debauchery, a Papa look-alike contest, and a re-creation of the running of the bulls in Pamplona. So very Hemingway. Lots of drunks. Lots of people falling of their bikes, falling off the mechanical bull in front of Sloppy Joe's. Gotta love Key West. They do it cheesy, but they DO it!

Had a Lazarus code the other day in the ER. Patient pronounced dead, then a half hour later, while cleaning him up, found him breathing and with a pulse. A shocker. Left me speechless. I'd seen it once before, after a long code like this one, but it never fails to impress upon me the fact that if it's not your time, ITS NOT YOUR TIME. I hope he does ok. We flew him out to Miami. Maybe he'll walk back into the ER someday and say hi.

The fishing has been good. HB has caught some incredible fish lately. I've missed it because I've been working non-stop, but soon.......very soon.......I'll be back in the water. I have to console myself with views of the sea while I drive back and forth to Key West. I'm exhausted, as usual. But business before pleasure.

Hopefully I'll have some good ER stories for you all during the Mini-Season. And hopefully HB will bring back some tasty "bugs" to grill. And hopefully I won't gain too much weight from all this wonderful food he cooks up AND the wonderful wine selection. (yes, it's high on my list: Must cook. Must like the sea. Must like my dog.)

Saludos from Paradise!
Mojitogirl

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack.......

Sorry to leave for so long, but it has been a whirlwind month for the Mojo. TeenQueen out of school, leaves the country, comes back, we go on vacation, come back, jump headfirst into a ton of overtime in Key West, back and forth to Miami, seeing friends, keeping company with a new guy (really an old guy, but that's another story entirely), hmmmmmmm.............you get the picture. Oh, and no computer either. Another Mac bites the dust....just a little accident-prone, that lovable TeenQueen of mine.

It's enough to give the Mojo a bad case of ADD!

I'm exhausted. It's my first day back from a week-long Daytona Beach vacation. Sun, surf, great food and friends, lots of relaxation. The TeenQueen was scarce, preferring to hang out with her best friend and barely touching base at the beachhouse. So HB and I (he's the new/old guy, details later) went to the beach every day and got a killer tan. Lots of great food and cooking and catching up with old friends from Daytona and the old job.

Now I'm back home. By myself. TeenQueen extended her stay with her girlfriend. HB went back home to Miami, at least for a few days. I got booked for many many MANY overtime hours in Key West. So it is Day One of a six-day stretch. Week One of a very busy two weeks. The silence in the house is golden. Only the sound of Bumby's nails on tile, and the occasional mewing of PsychoKitty. I love it. I don't have to TALK to anyone. If only the cellphone would stop ringing.

So who is this HB person? An old friend, we've known each other for ages. We worked together at one time, and more than once attempted a relationship that for reasons beyond our control, wasn't meant to work at the time. I always liked and admired him. He was the RIGHT GUY. Just always at the WRONG TIME. And you can't fight that. But we reconnected several months ago, and realized that IT-whatever IT was between us-was still alive and kicking. And hopefully this might be the RIGHT TIME, this time.

He's funny. He's cool. He's smart and sexy beyond belief, even 20-something years after we first met. And we're older and wiser and hopefully not a bunch of idiots to believe that things might work in our favor this time. Yeah, I like him. I like him a lot.

And that's all I'm going to say about THAT!!

Anyway, lobster mini-season is coming up next week. Our next big ER event. Until then, it's all about fishhooks and jellyfish stings and sunburn as a medical emergency. The boat is up and running, the water temperature is almost bubbling hot and the heat and dehydration can kill you.

Until the next phone call interupts, I enjoy the silence.

XOXO from Paradise!
Mojitogirl

AT A SNAIL'S PACE

Ah, the ER in off-season. It is a joy to be there. Empty rooms, quiet hallways. The occasional stir of a drunk or drug seeker. Sunburns as medical emergencies. Quietly punctuated by the patient who comes in for "cold symptoms" and is in full florid CHF.

I tell you, they just walk in and say "I have a cold. I can't sleep at night because I can't breathe." Never mind that they smoke 2 packs a day, or that they haven't seen a doctor in YEARS or that they're coughing up black goop from their lungs. But the fun starts when you start a nebulizer treatment and their heart rate shoots up into the 180's, put them on the monitor and it's A-FIB, and suddenly they're huffing and puffing. Start the Cardizem, etc, etc. No cardiologist on call? It's time to FLY!!

Or when they sign in and say "I've got a terrible headache." Ok, let's give you some drugs, check out the CT. An hour later, the headache is still there, but now you're complaining of chest pain, midsternal, radiating to the left arm, suddenly relieved by 2 Nitro sublingual. Where the hell did THAT come from? Oh, and he forgets to mention the old meningioma on that side of the head that was gamma-knifed several years back. Yeah, we kind of picked up that one on the MRI. Whoops! forgot to tell us about it, huh?

So one patient flies to Miami. One patient gets admitted. And the sunburn with the horrible itching goes home and is warned, under penalty of DEATH, not to go out in the sun again for the rest of his vacation stay here. Surrrre.......

I wonder if I could get the nail technician to do a house-call (work-call?). Maybe I could get a manicure/pedicure between patients. Or pick up my dry-cleaning, or do grocery shopping. Twelve hours of this laid-back pace could kill.

I miss the juicy traumas. I need to wrestle a drunk or something. One shift in Key West should resolve the old ennui.

Scratch that, I might break a nail.

Happiness Does Not Need A Cause

This morning at 0800 I had the old Seven Mile Bridge all to myself. The sky was cloudy, there was lightning in the far horizon, and the sun was doing its best to peek through. It was balmy, breezy, not hot yet. My sneakers were on, my IPod was charged. And so I began my walk.

I was lost in a world unto myself. Music in my ears, setting the pace for my morning walk. No one on the bridge. I could sing along without bothering anyone, off-key, smiling to myself. Song after song after song found me at the end of the pedestrian bridge, 2.4 miles away from the entrance. Still alone, I couldn't contain myself. I broke out into a hot Latin beat, all by myself.

I smiled all the way back.

I've got a lot to smile about these days. I've got a lot to dance about, too. The joy comes from within.

A Serious Case of Bed-Head

I'm having a bad hair day. And a bad headache/sore throat/body aches/can't sleep day. I called in sick to work because, with a 5:15AM wake-up time, I was still up at 4:00AM trying to get comfortable and fall asleep. Not to mention, a million goofy thoughts pounding inside my head. I'm not particularly stressed or overworked, just unnaturally anxious over things I have control over. Funny how your mind trips you up sometime.

So I'm home, trying to get some sleep. As you can tell, I'm not succeeding. I finally decided not to leave the bedroom because I have a compulsion to tidy up and clean anything out of place that I see. Disregard the fact that I, the Clorox Queen, scrubbed this house top to bottom yesterday, so there's really nothing to do, except notice the little lint specks on the carpet, or a water spot on the kitchen counter. Yup. Obsessing again.

I wish I could focus on other things. I tried classical music, since I spent the wee hours downloading all this music. Nice, but no-go. Reading only makes my headache worse. I'm not hungry. I don't have any projects pending-I did them ALL!! I can't go outside because it's really hot and muggy. I won't clean the TeenQueen's room because that's HER JOB....and her mobility this weekend depends on her finishing the task.

Still trying to get some sleep. Bathed the dog, cleaned the kitty litter, approved the TeenQueen's cleanup of the toxic bedroom. Head is still throbbing. Downed some more Advil. I should have gone to work. At least I would have been busy AND paid for it! Still not hungry. I'm surviving on breakfast cereal and water.

We're expecting thunderstorms this weekend in the Keys. The official start of hurricane season is almost upon us *GROAN*
It's hot hot HOT!!!

I think I feel a nap coming on........Happy Friday from Paradise!!!

PS....

Yeah......give your kid a hug. And try not to strangle her in the process.

The TeenQueen is grounded for the holiday weekend. Seems that she took it upon herself to have a driving lesson. In my new pick-up truck. With my spare key. While I was at work. Without asking for permission. On the eve of a very busy holiday weekend when the Overseas Highway is teeming with tourists, boat trailers and happy-hour revelers. And of course, HOW did I get the bad news? Papi, whose sole purpose in life is to pass me in the halls and turn his face in order not to acknowledge my existence on this planet, happened to CALL ME with the news. A prophet of gloom and doom. Thanks.

Yes, the TeenQueen's all right. No scratches on her or the car. Even managed to park it nicely in the driveway. But she's grounded for the weekend. Nobody in, nobody out. And attempting to make my life miserable in the process. Nice try, kid. Ain't gonna work!

I'll take the boat out Tuesday--BY MYSELF--when she's back in school and the tourists leave. I'll have the sandbar to myself.

This too shall pass. My mood's too good to let ANYTHING bring it down! It's a beautiful day and I'm walking on air! The world is my oyster. And Bubbles and I have a date at the old Seven Mile Bridge at sunset!!

HUG YOUR KID

It was a beautiful day in the Keys today. After days of cloud cover and stormy weather, the sun came up this morning, the winds died down and the scenery became postcard-perfect for my drive down to Key West in the morning. Unfortunately, I wasn't going to work. I was going to a memorial service for a colleague's young son. And even the dazzling beauty of the sky, sun and blue water everywhere wasn't enough to lift my spirits from the terrible sadness.

It's every mother's nightmare, outliving their children. As a parent you hope and pray it never happens to you because: HOW DO YOU DEAL? How do you wake up every morning with that terrible aching void knowing your child is gone and you're still here? And while we can empathize and console others with such a terrible loss, in the back of your mind you always know: This could have been ME. This could have been MY CHILD. After all, we're all one breath away from dying. I can accept that. I see it daily at work. People that are dying, about to die, close to dying, but not quite. You expect older people to die. I can handle that. You see younger people die and it shakes you for a while. Someone close to you dies and it rattles your foundation, especially if it was unexpected. But to have to bury your child---I believe there is no greater pain, no greater loss, no greater agony.

I'm sad. I'm sad for my friend's loss. I'm sad that it made me think again of possibly being in this terrible position someday. It made me realize there are no guarantees in life, that you must live fully every day as if it was your last happy day on Earth. Because when so much is at stake, that day may come sooner than later.

Go hug your kid. Tell them you love them. Make sure they know.

EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE

Every day is an adventure, an open book, a feast, a buffet table ready to be piled up high on your plate. No matter how crappy the day may start, there is always the opportunity that it might get BETTER! If you live believing this, you deliver this fate upon yourself. Live, love, laugh. Seize the moment. Enjoy the sunset. I certainly did today!

A wise man once told me that what doesn't kill you eventually makes you stronger. I had the chance to repay the favor today. I hope it helped.

Happy Friday everyone!! XOXOXO from the Florida Keys!

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE!

My oh MY! I hate leaving the Keys! I don't care that civilization, shopping, and metropolitan life are only 100 miles away. It gives me profound sadness to travel north on the Overseas Highway, enjoying the view of the ocean while going over bridges and islands knowing that I'm headed to the messy, rude, traffic-crazy place called Miami. It drives me nuts to know I have to be in a state of permanent stress while I drive, park, sit in endless traffic. I HATE MIAMI!! I HATE GOING THERE!! And not even the prospect of good things--friends, shopping, Peruvian food, Ikea---can make me feel differently. Funny, I never felt that way about Daytona Beach...I LOVED living there, knowing that it was calm, polite and soothing to the eyes. Miami is just a clusterfuck full of cars, loud people and road rage-namely mine. So my friends, please! Come and SEE ME HERE!! Don't make me go up there!

But I'm back and planning my next little venture out into the deep blue sea. The weather is perfect for boating. And I'm starting to look pale by Keys standards. And the weekend is upon us. I have an ICU shift in Key West tomorrow, and then.....freedom!!

So I'll be headed for Bahia Honda State Park, navigate the boat under the old bridge and park it in a blue hole somewhere. And let the day flow and ebb......

NEW TO THE SCENE

I'm talking about FACEBOOK. I joined several months ago just to connect with friends I haven't seen in years, from college, high school and places where I've worked during my ever-lengthier nursing career (WOW! almost 20 years now!). Little by little, I started connecting and now it's kind of got a life of its own! I've got friends from the hospital in Marathon, friends from the hospital in Key West, friends from Miami, Daytona Beach and friends from Peru and Cuba. Since I live so isolated here in Paradise, at least this way we keep in touch and stay current. It's a lot of fun and the easiest way to not live like a hermit.

Our ER visits are starting to trickle down to slow again. Essentially the season is over, and the tourists and snowbirds have up and gone, since it's safe to walk the streets up north without slipping on the ice. The air conditioner is now a daily reality because it's WARMING UP. The mornings are still balmy and breezy--as a matter of fact, I took the dog for a walk on the old Seven Mile bridge at 0845 today and it was absolutely beautiful outside. Blue sky, blue ocean, nice breeze-PARADISE the way it's supposed to be. Our next big thing should be the Memorial Day weekend (which I ended up working, I DON'T know HOW....!!)

Anyway the boat is in the water, and I've got someone tuning it up for me today so it will sail smoothly for the summer months. We have islands and sandbars to explore! We have tans to acquire! We have fish to fry! And since it's now a GIRL BOAT, the girls are dying to go out and take a spin! It's time the boat had a name. So the TeenQueen and I are putting our heads together to come up with a suitable name for our tanning machine. GRRLZ? GRRLPOWER? MOJITOGIRL?

The TeenQueen is leaving me soon for a short vacation. She'll be in Peru for several weeks visiting her father and his side of the family. Mom will not be running interference. She would have stayed longer, but she wants to be back in the Keys for part of the summer. Anyway, it will be a climate change for her, because Peru is entering the winter months right now and the TeenQueen owns no winter clothes whatsoever. Shorts, flipflops, tee shirts and jeans. No sweaters, no coats, very few socks. And I've already told her she can't wear socks with flipflops.

And what's MOM going to do with her time off? Tell u LATER.....

XOXOXO from Paradise!

KARMA IS A BITCH PART 2

Well, I did promise you all the hot hospital dirt. Only I didn't figure to be right smack in the middle of it!


What happens when your husband runs off with a woman named Karma? This is not a joke.

Can you imagine how many jokes you can make? The possibilities are endless....... Especially since this Miss Special K happens to be middle-aged, dumpy and look like someone's grandmother. And she happens to be a co-worker. In the hospital. In the department I work in. On the opposing shift so she has to take report from me and I have to take report from her. Which is kind of interesting when you can't look at me in the face.

Because you're sleeping with my husband.


It's sooooo funny that I can't be mad. The whole situation is so freaking funny I've been giggling to myself since I found out.

Plus, look at all the neat things we can buy for the happy couple!! T-shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs.....the possibilities are endless......

PS to the blogosphere: The Mojo is FINE. Really. I don't have time to be pissed about it because I'm having too much fun LAUGHING!

I've been sooo busy lately my tan is starting to fade.

Between ICU and PACU in Key West, ER in Marathon, on-call in PACU Marathon and shuffling around to the beat of a certain TeenQueen, I've been a busy little Mojo. Not exhausted really, because no matter how early I'm up, once I'm UP, I'm UP! and I keep going from there. And I've noticed in my advancing age that 6 hours of sleep do me fine, thank you. One plus is that I'm dropping weight without even trying. I fit into clothes that I had given up on months before (yes I was in a FAT/UNHAPPY stage). I'll never be stick-thin like the TeenQueen, but hey, size 8 is nothing to sneer at either!

The Swine Flu situation has us scurrying at the hospital. Everyone we triage is thoroughly screened for previous travel to affected areas, and if there's even a hint of cough, cold or flu-like symptoms, slap a mask on them! One of our ER docs here is the CDC man for the Keys, and he is extremely well-versed in pandemic preparation and planning. Finally I have someone that doesn't look at me like I have three heads when we talk stockpiling, sheltering in place, body bags, ventilator capacity and the breakdown of supply chains and law and order. While I admit that I am not as prepared for a pandemic as I was three years ago in the midst of the Avian Flu rumors, I still read the websites for pandemic preparedness as well as the CDC and WHO sites. As usual, I hope for the best and expect the worst. Even though we are isolated, we're still exposed to lots of tourists and transients who come through here. On any given day, I triage more tourists than locals, and usually tourists that have been on an airplane, those harbingers of pesky respiratory viruses. Thank God I look smashing in an N-95 mask!

The weather has been beautiful, but the seas are still difficult due to winds in excess of 20MPH. So even the beach has not been an option lately. Thank goodness for Tranquility Bay Resort, which is right across the street on the Overseas Highway Mile Marker 48. It is a beautiful beachfront resort with a great pool and tiki bar, and they are very nice to the locals in that you can come in, use the pool and the facilities. It is absolutely awesome. I might even put in some pool time today, if I can.

Stone crab season in the Keys is almost over. I have my last 5 pounds in the freezer, just waiting for a special occasion, or even no occasion whatsoever. It's been a tough season for the local fishermen, with demand and prices low. So we do our part for the local economy and buy stone crabs whenever we can!

The Mojo signs off now. Time to scurry and maybe even dig out the Hawaiian Tropic!

100 THINGS PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. I'm scared of spiders, scorpions and crabs. And that's pretty much it.
2. My fashion icon is Audrey Hepburn in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S.
3. I like squeaky-clean people. Dirt and sweat don't do it for me.
4. I want a dauschund. And I want to name it Boner.
5. I was raised Catholic. I don't practice. But I truly believe in a Higher Power who helps us achieve our potential.
6. I could eat meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
7. I could eat oysters for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.
8. I want to parachute from an airplane before I die.
9. If I could only travel to one place in the world it would be Venice.
10. Life sucks without Cuban music and Bach.
11. I fear I don't have enough time to train my daughter for the big bad world before I let her loose.
12. I've found that you don't necessarily have to like your family members.
13. I love my profession (that's no secret!). I just hate the bullshit that goes with it.
14. I took piano lessons for 4 years as a kid and never learned to read music. I faked it.
15. I strongly believe in a woman's right to choose.
16. I cry when my patients die.
17. I cry every time I see Wuthering Heights.
18. I love PeeWee Herman.
19. I used to photograph cemeteries around the world because the architecture was so interesting.
20. I can point out an Art Deco or Architectonica building anywhere.
21. When I was a teen, I wanted to become a Playboy bunny at the Bunny Clubs. My mother was horrified, but I had the bunny dip down.
22. I love my daughter more than I love anything else in this world. The dog comes in a strong second.
23. I have a secret Ebay addiction.
24. I may look a mess, but my feet are always perfectly pedicured.
25. I've found that you are not the sum total of your possessions.
26. I danced on Jim Morrison's grave in Paris.
27. I fought off a rapist once and got away.
28. I've seen my life flash before my eyes and I don't wish to experience that again.
29. I listen to mambo music when I clean the house.
30. I have friends that I can call up once every ten years and just pick up the conversation from where I left off.
31. My life may not have been conventional, but it's certainly been interesting!
32. Buying and renovating a house is not a big task for me. Been there, done that several times. Plan to do it again.
33. I want to learn to sail so I can buy a trimaran and live on it.
34. I want to be a nurse anesthetist. I'm just waiting for the TeenQueen to finish high school.
35. I don't regret my mistakes. I learned from every one of them.
36. I hate toxic people.
37. I hate gossip
38. I would love to learn to play classical guitar.
39. I want to take a tango class and a flamenco dance class.
40. I thought England was cold, dirty and overrated.
41. I love furniture by Mies van de Rohe and Le Corbusier.
42. I love soft leather clothes.
43. I've worn braces twice in my lifetime, and couldn't tolerate them either time. So my teeth are still crooked.
44. I had a fear of dentists until I found a great one who put me at ease without drugs. Thanks Dr. P.!
45. I love to chat with my patients while they're waking up from surgery. You hear a lot of interesting stories from interesting people.
46. Give me a good bloody trauma any day of the week!
47. I don't understand this whole NASCAR thing.......
48. I never met a Republican that I really liked.
49. I can't decide where to scatter my ashes when I die.
50. I'm proud of the fact that at my age, I still don't take ANY medication for ANYTHING!
51. I hate boob jobs.
52. Nothing uplifts my spirit more than the smell of fresh roasted coffee beans.
53. If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life it would be Cuban bread.
54. I don't drink white milk. Never did.
55. I believe medications for anxiety take away your coping mechanisms and leave you worse off in the long run.
56. I love being a blonde (sometimes).
57. I am a strong believe in "what goes around comes around" and that the bad energy you put out will eventually find YOU.
58. If I had the chance to be anyone right now, I'd be a concert cellist.
59. I believe that money doesn't make you a happier person or a better person.
60. I'm more fearful of lightning strikes than I am of sharks.
61. Sometimes I forget my own abilities and short-change myself. I'm getting better, though.
62. I'm flexible enough to see someone else's point of view on a controversial subject.
63. I believe that sensuality is more important that sexuality.
64. I am an ocean person, a beach person. But I don't like lakes.
65. I love hats (especially wide-brimmed hats and little cocktail hats with black veils).
66. I would love to be a vampire.
67. I hate going to the movies because I can't sit still for all that time. But I love movies.
68. I love to bowl.
69. I was a frustrated gymnast as a teen. I was not that flexible.
70. I hate sitting in the front row at the ballet. All you do is see the dancers WORK and SWEAT and land HARD!
71. I had an official day of mourning the day that Frank Sinatra, Tito Puente, Celia Cruz and Cachao died.
72. I truly believe all great talents in rock music are probably manic-depressive (hello, Axl Rose?)
73. Once I'm through with you, I'm THROUGH with you. Done. Finito. Kaput.
74. My daughter knows how to push my buttons in ways nobody else can.
75. I'm not an uncaring person, just an extremely practical one.
76. I think most rap music is demeaning to women.
77. I will kill to protect myself and my child.
78. I'm obsessed with a possible flu pandemic and the strategy to survive in the aftermath.
79. I used to be a pampered suburban housewife. That got boring rather quickly.
80. If I didn't have to get up and work every day, I'd be horribly depressed.
81. While I love the ocean and spend lots of time in and around it, I greatly respect its power and its potential to get ugly.
82. I was a DISCO QUEEN!
83. Black high-heeled pumps are my favorite shoes.
84. I love my Ipod.
85. My favorite car I ever owned was a BMW 325i. My funnest car I ever owned was the Toyota MR2 Spyder convertible.
86. I am very horribly nearsighted. I wear contact lenses and reading glasses on top of that.
87. I prefer a manual transmission in a car over automatic ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.
88. I love Frieda Kahlo and her art. I like Diego Rivera, too.
89. I love to refinish furniture.
90. I hate Tom Cruise. Just a little too arrogant for my taste.
91. If I liked girls, I'd definitely do Sharon Stone.
92. I hate pushy salespeople.
93. I don't have any talent with plants. I've actually killed cactus.
94. I like to cook for large groups and gatherings. Cooking for one is ridiculous.
95. I can track someone down with the efficiency of a private detective.
96. I once got married on a dare. That worked out well.
97. I found that my father was a far more interesting person when I stopped looking at him like "Dad" and treated him like a person.
98. I wish I looked like Annie Lennox (hence the *blonde thing*)
99. I've never had the urge to learn how to fly.
100. I can still twirl a baton. A lot of good it does me now!

Karma is a BITCH

Something REALLY JUICY is going on at work at the home hospital. But I can't tell you until things resolve either one way or the other. But I'm so full of glee that I can't contain myself. Sorry, but it will have to do until you get the FULL and OFFICIAL story!

I worked in Key West yesterday in the PACU. Did cases for the big ortho surgeon who used to work with us in Marathon until he jumped ship and moved his caseload to Key West. Basically, he took 60% of the surgical schedule with him. No hard feelings, it's business. And he's happy to surround himself with his old crew from Marathon. I had a wonderful, busy day and all went well. Got to see my friends and co-workers. Got to see a fine specimen of young manhood, too (but more on that eventually! my LIPS ARE SEALED!!) By the time I left in the afternoon the ICU census had dwindled and it looked as if I would be canceled for my ICU shift today. (I was, and here I am, blogging instead about fine specimens of manhood (STOP! SHUT UP!).

I miss Key West. I should have never left my job there. People are begging me to come back. Oh well, let's see how things develop in the summer.

We've had an unusual amount of boat-related injuries lately. And most of them haven't even left the dock yet. People keep slipping and falling between the boat and the dock. It could prove almost fatal, as the case of little old dude with the subdural we had to fly out PRONTO. Or at the least, a painful couple of weeks with broken ribs. We're seeing a lot of falls lately. Even I fell the other day (missed the last step going down in order to avoid squashing the PsychoKitty. Down I went, and my knee is still bruised and tender. I truly thought I was going to have a broken bone, I landed THAT hard. So.....watch when YOU STEP DOWN!

I promise, my story will be juicy squishy and ironic. My favorite saying for many years has been "Karma is a bitch". It takes on such GREAT SIGNIFICANCE at this stage in my life. There-another clue!!

XOXO from Paradise

Going back home again

I finally got back to working in Key West this week. Picked up a PACU shift Tuesday and an ICU shift Wednesday. It was nice to be home again, among friends. And it was all so effortless! You just came in, did what you had to do and kind of picked up from where you left off the last time. At the same time, since the departments know I'm now available again, they call and call for me to pick up sick-calls, for extra staffing. I say "no" more than I can say "yes". I still work full-time somewhere else, you guys!

Still, it's nice to be wanted.

Maybe next time I work ICU I'll get my vent, my drips and a patient who's circling the drain. My kind of day. ARRGH!!!! (no really!).

The weather is beautiful here this weekend. Unfortunately, the winds are strong and taking the boat out isn't an option. Rip currents are making the beach a little dicey, too. But the windows are open and the breeze is flowing through the house. It's a perfect day to take Bumby on a walk on the 7 Mile bridge right before sunset.

I've decided to move when my lease is up. The current house is beautiful, new and very centrally located, but it has two distinct disadvantages: it's three stories high and has no dock. All I do all day is climb up and down and up and down. Plus, it is now too big for us. Don't need 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, just more to clean. Plus I really miss having the boat parked outside ready to go. It's in a marina now, which is extra expense, but necessary to keep it safe. So I've been looking and I found exactly what I want. A cute little dollhouse with 2 bedrooms and a dock. One story. Tiled. Pet friendly. And still close to work. And cheaper than what I have now. Move in date is end of July. I'm not looking forward to another pack-up-and-go, but the end result will be worth it.

So life in Paradise goes on. It's never boring. And if it gets a little stressful, nothing like a sunset to clear your head.

Wishing you well on your voyage through life

I guess it's official now: Papi has moved on in his voyage through life. While the TeenQueen and I are sad and missing him, we realize that he had issues and demons to conquer. He could not handle the daily strain of a family and expectations, the guilt and denial was too great. He needed his space, and we were more than happy to give it to him at this point in time. It gives us all a chance to heal.

So, here we are, mother and daughter, Bumby and Kitty, a tight little circle, sharing the love and trials and tribulations that life brings. We thank him for his time and input in our lives and we appreciate all the love and support he gave us during his journey through our lives. We wish him well, we wish him peace of mind and the serenity to face his issues and make good choices. We'll miss his cooking and his wacky sense of humor. We'll miss a loving husband and a caring parent. And we hope someday soon he finds himself again.

EXTRA SHIFT REDUX

In all fairness, I really can't complain about the extra shifts. They may be time-consuming, but at the same time, remember where I am. The work isn't that acute. 20 hours of overtime a week with only 2 extra shifts isn't a bad deal. Especially when I'm doing different stuff. ER is the day job. PACU and ICU are the extras. A finger in every pie. Can't get bored like that! Plus who doesn't have a few extra bills to pay or need new tires or a vacation down the line? Or a chronically needy and broke TeenQueen?

And yes.....I could be on the boat. But let me let you in on a little secret about the Florida Keys--It's windy in the winter and spring. The skies are beautiful but........The sea is a little rougher than what I'd like. Once it kicks up 3-5 foot waves, it's barf-o-mania for me. You northern folk, hardy like you are, will go out and make a day of it. I'm a little spoiled.....

WILL I EVER LEARN?

IT'S my first week into the 3/12 hour shifts. I now have officially 4 days off. It feels great. So what do I do? Book myself solid for the rest of the month. Shift after shift after shift after shift. ICU-PACU. Key West. Pacu call at home hospital. Extra shifts in ER.

What's wrong with me?

PROFESSIONAL DILEMMA

I have a couple of friends who are nursing instructors for nursing schools at various community colleges. They have a good rapport with the staff, let us review their exams to see if they're too easy/too hard, and have us precept their nursing students when they're on the unit. They seem to have a universal complaint: These students are not prepared, not motivated, just learn for the moment, then forget everything.

I've tried to attribute this to the generation gap. We're "old nurses". We've been doing this 15-30 years plus. We're a different generation. We didn't grow up with MTV, IPODS, texting. We don't have a 30-second attention span. When we studied, we studied, not just learned things the night before for the test, then forgot all about it.

But then, you go into a deeper motivation. Focused, motivated students usually aim high. Higher than nursing school. They go on to medical school, law school, business school. They become lawyers, investment bankers and diplomats. There is a certain breed that goes to nursing school because they have a "calling" to help others. The rest enter because it's a "stable" "recession-proof" profession, or because they know there is a shortage and they think it's an easy way to make a living (as if!!).

You read the statistics that the average age of nurses in the U.S. is 47. You read that the majority of nurses that will graduate this year will not be in the profession in 5 years. You hear that most new nurses aim for advanced practice, anesthesia or management. And if you're a nurse with any amount of experience under your belt, you realize that you need YEARS to grow into your shoes before you can even realize yourself into an advanced practice position, no matter how much schooling you have. Hell, it still scares me how many people I didn't kill in my first few years as a nurse.

So, how do you teach a new crop of nurses? How do you take into account the difference in learning styles while driving in the fact that you are RESPONSIBLE for a human life? How do you instill common sense in people who don't have any? I hear over and over again that the instructors don't want to fail everybody, but that they are AFRAID to pass the majority without dumbing down the group. These are the health care workers of tomorrow. They will be taking care of us. This is a valid point.

Sometimes they get lucky. I've met a few nursing students who were intelligent, responsible, motivated. I worked with them while they were being preceptored, and I have the privilege of working with them now. Their potential is endless. But their light was shining from the beginning. It was wonderful to watch them grow. Too bad it's one out of fifty.

ENDLESS BLUE

When I die, I don't want to go to Heaven. I want to go to a Blue Hole.

These are sand bars in the middle of the ocean. They are usually only accesible by boat. You sail out there, wait until your depth finder starts reading five feet or less, then drop anchor. You usually spot them from far away, since their color is lighter and bluer/greener than the surrounding ocean. At low tide they can actually be knee-deep only. You just park the boat on the edge (unless you want it grounded!) and jump overboard.

It's like having your own personal salt water pool. And since they are only accessible by boat, you don't have too much company most times. Perfect for that clothing-free swimming experience! All-over tans are a good thing!

I have my favorite spots. Bahia Honda State Park has some terrific blue holes on the ocean side, within sight of the old bridge. Marathon has a couple too. One of my favorites is Molasses Keys, which are two tiny mangrove islands off the Seven Mile Bridge. Between the two keys is an amazing blue hole with a great area to walk or snorkel. Another favorite is off the channel markers oceanside in front of a huge mansion in the Cocoplum area of Marathon. Again, quite secluded: you usually have the place to yourself.

The best part of all? You can be in the water, having fun, or you can be in the boat, eating, drinking and enjoying the view.

butSERIOUSLYredux

This last foreign body in rectum we retrieved was quite original. Maybe it's an ode to our reputation as a laid-back, sun-splashy drinking village.

It was a noodle (those styrofoam floaties that come in crayon colors that kids use to float in the pool) with a beer bottle (long neck, of course!) to make sure it went WAYYYYY UPPPPP into the descending colon.

Beat that!

BUTSERIOUSLY

How many variations of the "foreign body in rectum" have you experienced in your nursing career?

I do at least three a year. And a lot are repeat offenders.

I invite your imput.

COUNTEROFFER

So in I stroll Friday to the hospital. Hour Zero approaches. My friend the nurse manager needs an answer today. I've made up my mind I'm going to take it after long thought and discussion with the TeenQueen, who is the only one that can throw a wrench in the works (with that once a week phone call "MOM-I'M IN THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE-again!!"). I'm ready to go down and have a talk with the powers that be. The transfer form is filled out and neatly tucked into my pocket. I have to chase people down because everyone's busy, in a meeting or off the property.

By 2PM I am frazzled. After the surgical schedule is completed, I pick up some additional hours in the ER, which is having a tranquil day. Still looking for the powers that be so I can resign in person--no hard feelings, strictly business, you know. Alas, the CNO walks into the ER and before I can even brace myself, out of my mouth comes "STEP INTO MY OFFICE, we gotta talk!"

So I start spilling my guts about the hours, my need to work three days, the offer, the desire to transfer. He counteroffers with a transfer to the ER, three days, day shift, and the ability to work Key West as overtime, so he won't take the fiscal hit. I'm stunned. I didn't think they'd want to keep me so much.

But they do. In so many words, "Key West can't have you."

They're keeping me. I can still roll out of bed 20 minutes before report.

I bought a new bottle of Hawaiian Tropic and a pair of surf shoes to celebrate.

ICUcalling

For a few months now, I have been in a professional rut. I have an easy job. Too easy. I'm not used to not thinking critically on a daily basis, and it's killing me. I miss having real critical patients, 2 vents with lots of drips, lots of action, lots of mental exercise. My current job is in a PACU that is small, has little acuity except for those OOPS where things go downhill fast, and even those are few and far between. Add to that the cutback in surgical cases, hours and the paycheck, not to mention the constant angling for more hours in different departments and you have me: professionally depressed, deflated and uninspired. In a rut. The upside is I'm very close to home and I work with a group of lovely people, which helps immensely. We're a close-knit family here in surgery and that in itself is a big advantage.

While I realize that this sounds like the dream job for many people wishing to slow it down a bit, I'm not THERE....yet. I'm wasting away my talent here. Like a muscle that isn't getting exercised regularly, I'm turning to mush. Wasting syndrome. I fear for my clinical skills. I fear that I won't be able to function in a more acute environment in the future if I keep this up. I fear that I'll never be able to rejoin the real world again.

And then you know the old saying....be careful what you wish for.

My old friends in Key West call frequently to see if I'm available to work shifts with them. Because of my 5 day a week schedule, I'm stuck and can't accomodate them, so I bite my tongue and politely decline. But they keep calling. And I vent to them about how miserable I am. So yesterday the nurse manager of the ICU at Key West called me.....and made me an offer I can't refuse.

Join us, she said. Transfer out of there (its a sister hospital, so it would be a transfer from one facility to another). Day shift, three days a week, with all the overtime you want. Better money. Good group of people (I worked with all of them). Best of all-a full paycheck for less days worked, in an environment where I excelled before, did charge, and could troubleshoot through any department at a moment's notice. It's not PACU, but any critical patient from surgery gets recovered up there anyway. More time at home. NO surgical call. The only downside: it's an hour's drive from home (a very picturesque drive, I might say, but no more rolling out of bed 20 minutes before report!). The TeenQueen would have to step up and pick up some slack, become a little more independent and responsible.

Very tempting offer. Soooo tempting I can't think of anything else. I promised to give her an answer by tomorrow.

I hate to leave the wonderful people I work with, but I'm afraid for the future. We're slow now in full tourist season. I don't want to see what my hours will be cut back to in the summer, when it's really DEAD down here. Key West isn't really seasonal anymore. They still pack them in 24/7. They have hospitalists! They have vent patients! The ICU has a secretary and a tech! THIS is PROGRESS!

These are hard financial times. I would be fearful of changing jobs at this time, but I know that in ICU, the work is always there. They'll always have patients. Plus, there's also the ER and PACU in Key West, where I've worked extensively. And my brain would be happy again.



Decisions, decisions!!!!

BAITANDSWITCH

Just another day at work, another treachery to deal with.....

I signed up for an ER shift for today. When I get to work, I'm told by the supervisor I'm assigned to the ICU because they have to babysit psych patients who don't have medical clearance to be transferred. GRRRRRRRRRRRR..........

I get in and find that the night shift nurse probably has more loose association and flight of ideas that the patients do. I couldn't get a straight report on my only patient if her life depended on it. Granted, it wasn't anything too critical, not even MONITORED (in the ICU!), but I had to piece the story together by reading the chart so I could at least sound intelligent when the docs came in to do rounds.

The bright spot of the day was that I got to work with another ICU nurse who is extremely personable and very competent. At least I got to help her out a bit with beds, phone calls, walking her patient around, since usually it's just HER in there, no other nurse, no secretary. We even got lunch!! She rants and raves too about how they've turned the unit into a dumping ground for patients nobody wants to take care of and staff that can't function anywhere else. So sad....At least I didn't have to work ALONE, as I originally feared. And my patient was well-behaved, non-demanding and eternally patient.

I just hate the old bait and switch routine.....but it's 8 full hours in the can!

SMILE

I'm baaaack!!!!!!

Sorry for the delay in posting. My back is 90% better, only an occasional twinge to mark its existence. Nothing noteworthy is going on around here. We've been experiencing cooler climates here while the North got pummelled with snow and ice. When it's in the 50's in Paradise, you know the rest of the world is freezing. We're finally warming up to breezy, sunny days where you can keep the windows open 24/7.

Also part of my delay in posting is that my beloved Mac laptop "Old Whitey" (as the TeenQueen called it) suffered an untimely death. For a few days I was disconnected from the electronic world, and suffering. Luckily, the TeenQueen's father, who was moving out of the U.S., sent her the PC she had at his house. It was just a matter of reconnecting it and PRESTO....we're back on! Its ok.......I still mourn my Mac, which was most user-friendly and never had any bugs and was portable anywhere....but for now, the PC must do. After all, these are hard economic times.

The Keys are full of people. There's actually TRAFFIC up and down U.S.1 most of the day. The restaurants are full here in Marathon. The hospital in Key West, from what I've heard, is busy busy busy. Our hospital is still dead and dying. Our much-hoped for merger with Bigshot Health Systems fell through. There was a scalding-hot article in the local paper, with the Board of Directors of the hospital basically throwing the hospital management under the bus for running the place into the ground. I have to agree with them. If you're on the good list with them, you have all you want, hours, privileges, etc. If you're on their shit list, you can die and your corpse will be picked over by the vultures before they even notice. It is a complete culture of cronyism. Yet I realize, I STILL HAVE A JOB, no matter how sucky it is or how few hours I work. I know things are really ugly out there for a great many people.

So we put on a happy face!

P.S. It's Daylight Savings time again!! More sunlight for your buck! More beach time! More boat time! Gotta love it!!

NURSE/PATIENT

Imagine working a 12 hour shift in the ER when you feel worse than most of the patients that you see. That was me the other day. I woke up, got ready for work and was ready to go out the door when BADA-BING! I couldn't put one foot in front of the other without doubling over in pain. Sitting was OK. Laying down was OK. Bending over was OK. Standing up straight: NOT OK!

I have old fractures in my back and left hip. They're older than the TeenQueen. But it's been years since anything has troubled me back there. Usually some Toradol and Flexeril does the trick, coupled with a few days of rest. So I go to work, get a Toradol shot and wait to get better. Not this time!

By noon, I'm noticeably limping and having a hard time going from a sitting to standing position. The Toradol worked for an hour, and then it quit. Not a good scenario, since I don't like taking narcotics (they make me nauseous and I hate vomiting). I tried some heat. I tried just sitting down and doing triage. I even had to apologize to a patient who came in with back pain. He walked like I did, and when I walked him to his room I told him, "I'm not walking like this to make fun of you. I've got what you've got."

By 3PM, I could barely function. Pain was 8/10 standing, 5/10 sitting. The ER was full, the ER doc had just been diagnosed with pneumonia and HE was trying hard to get someone in to finish his shift. It didn't look good for me. So I triaged myself and put myself in the pile to be seen, even though I had a full patient load.

By 4PM, a new ER doctor had come in, the place was clearing out, and he told me, "Find a spot and I'll examine you." I hopped over to an empty hall bed, where I gave him a history, he took a brief physical and wrote me some prescriptions for Toradol, Flexeril and Percocet, just in case things went downhill over the weekend. I then proceeded to do the computerized notes on MY OWN CHART, discharge myself, give myself discharge instructions and sign out (as a patient). By that time, another nurse could take over my patients and I could FINALLY go home.

Moral of the story is: Don't be the nurse AND the patient. Sometimes the Patient has to come first and the only way they'll take you seriously is if you check yourself in as a patient. All management was interested in was "Did you hurt yourself while working?" No, I did not. I came from home like this. I won't fill out your paperwork, pee in the little cup and take your Workman's Comp money. Don't you worry,

Two days later, I'm still hobbling around. The Toradol works for a couple of hours, and I try not to take Percocet unless it's really bad. The Flexeril makes me very sleepy, so I sleep. I'm still trying to figure out what I did to bring this on. I'm very careful about pushing stretchers and beds, not to mention wearing high heels or other activities that could put me at risk. I haven't felt this bad for over 12 years. My next step is an ESI, injecting the lumbar area with lidocaine and a steroid. That usually works like magic.

Pain level right now is 5/10. Keep you posted!

SHOOT THE BEAN COUNTERS---NOW!

Now I know why people go postal at work and kill their bosses.

I DREAD going to work. I can't believe I'm saying this. Me, the poster child for "I LOVE MY PROFESSION". IT SUCKS!!!!

I have made the worst professional decision of my life when I transferred to Papi's hospital.

I am BORED, UNCHALLENGED, STRESSED! I don't know day-to-day, hour-to-hour, where I'll be working. It's not just floating you for a shift. It's "drop what you're doing NOW and go help out in X Dept". Or it's "You're working tomorrow in the ER (9am), then you're not working tomorrow in the ER (12pm), then you're working half a shift in ICU (3pm), only to come in the next day and nobody knows where you're supposed to be" type of day, 5 days a week, week in and week out.

Or even worse: You're begging, borrowing, outsmarting, outmaneuvering, cheating, lying or murdering your co-workers to get enough hours to make 36 hours a week. Every day this goes on, but God FORBID you are one nanosecond over 40 hours (which can happen if you're on call and have a lengthy case) prepare for your head on a pole and possible termination.

These administrators are running this hospital into the ground! And let's not mention what they are doing to the staff's mental health! I've gotten so hostile to them that I'm actually avoiding them so not to explode with the snarky remarks.

I can't afford to be fired. The other two hospitals are at least 50 miles in the opposite direction. I have to work, or get the hell out of paradise.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!! WONDERFUL NON-PROFIT BIGSHOT HEALTH SYSTEM!!!! BUY US ALREADY AND PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY!!


ok i feel better now.............

Better than Prozac

Day 1 of mental health restoration: smooth water, light breeze, blue skies. And to think people pay good money to come here!
The tan is back!

Am I the poster child for Cymbalta?

I'm in desperate need of sea air and tanning oil, not to mention some inner peace and relaxation.

I'm taking the rest of the week off. Mental health days, as far as I'm concerned. There has been too much stress and excitement of the negative variety for the past month, starting with Thanksgiving. And since the surgical schedule is zilch, the hospital wants us to cut down on hours and the weather is absolutely beautiful, it seems like a great time to skip work and go!

The boat is in the water, docked at a friend's house. New Year's is right around the corner. And there is nothing less stressful than being on the water with good weather, blue seas and a light breeze. Nothing to do and all day to do it. No TeenQueen at home (she's with her father for the rest of the holidays). No dreaded anticipation of the next tantrum, argument or waiting for the inevitable "next shoe" to drop. Just Papi and Bumby and I, exploring the nearest sand bar.

Note to tourists in the Keys: It is high season for Portuguese man-of-war, those beautifully pesky jellyfish. Their stings are exquisitely painful, as a patient found out today when he tangled one in his face. Look before you swim. Or you'll get to see me during a side trip that wasn't on your itinerary. Be careful. Have someone scout the waters before you enter. And I know from personal experience, even the smallest amount of contact burns like hell.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. But sometimes when you have too much on your plate, getting up in the morning is hard. Getting dressed is hard. Being civil is hard. Work is only so entertaining. I need a break.

I'm looking forward to New Year's Eve in Key West. A little zaniness can't hurt.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM PARADISE

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Key West,
Not a moped was stirring; nor a single houseguest.
No stockings were hung by the chimney this time,
No need for a chimney in the Southernmost clime.
Tourists were nestled all snug in their beds,
While tunes from the Conch Train danced in their heads.
Mojitogirl in her Havaianas and I in bare feet,
Settled down with mojitos for a sweet Christmas treat.
When out in the harbor, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my hammock to see what was the matter!
Out to the porch I stumbled through clutter,
Cranked open the jalousie and threw out the shutter.
The moon through the palm trees beamed light galore,
And gave a luster of midday to the cruise ships offshore.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh with eight tiny Key Deer.
With a little old driver, so quick to honk,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Conch.
More rapid than powerboats, his Key Deer flew,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called to them too.
"Now Mira! Now Lewis! Now Bethel and Curry!
On Wardlow! On Freeman, On Spotswood…now HURRY!
From the end of North Roosevelt to the foot of Duval,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
Like banana leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with a sunset, up there in the sky,
Up to my widow's walk the Key Deer they flew,
With a sleigh full of mangoes, and old St. Conch too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The disco-like beat of each tiny deer hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the gumbo limbo the old conch came with a bound.
On his shoulder he carried an iguana with warts;
Wore a souvenir T-shirt and little red shorts.
He wore flip-flops and sported a palm frond chapeau,
and a Pina Colada with an umbrella, in a plastic "to go".
He was puffing away on a Cuban cigar,
Blowing rings toward Havana, over the bar.
Even though his get-up made me think "Yikes!"
His snowy white beard said "Hemingway Look-Alike"
A bundle of coconuts he held with great care,
So he looked like some vendor from Mallory Square.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His slow Southern drawl,
Revealed he'd been bar-hopping down on Duval.
He worked fast and furious, without a flub-a,
Leaving little presents, for each and every Bubba.
Then laying a finger aside his sunburned nose,
Giving a nod, up the gumbo limbo he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh and his Key Deer they fled,
Right up US 1, away toward Homestead.
And I heard him exclaim as he soared past the Bight,
Merry Christmas to all, have a happy Conch night!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Merry Christmas to all!!! The TeenQueen is back home, all is quiet in the house and I hope to stay out of jail THIS holiday!
The weather is sunny and warm, and it looks to be a great boating weekend!

May you all be blessed in the comfort and joy of your homes and families.

We'll leave the HO HO HO'S for the ER! (You know, those late night visits, usually accompanied by an officer).

Anyway, HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the MOJO!

SPA TREATMENT

It's always a BAD sign when your patient signs into triage with a fully packed overnight bag ready to "check in".
What is this, a seaside spa?


If you FEED them, you'll never get rid of them. I had one dude check in yesterday 5 times for seizures. Always on his way to the Greyhound station, on his way out of town. No money to buy his meds, but backpack stocked with Absolut and Xanax. It took one meal to realize the spa was open and in service.


"EMOTIONAL DIARRHEA" is not a medical diagnosis. Especially when you can't even give me stool for a culture during your 6 hour stay at the spa.


If you come in with a complaint of chest pain, have EKG changes, then refuse cardiac enzymes and any other tests, WHY are you here? Especially when we had your previous EKG faxed over from another continent. And NO, you can't have any food right now. Spa Rules.

Don't come and bring a minor to the ER with a vague complaint like "chapped lips x 2 months". Especially if you're not the minor's guardian and can't sign consent. Especially if you won't give us Mom's phone so we can't get phone consent. Most especially when YOU reach Mom on YOUR cellphone and proceed to speak in Albanian to God-knows-who YOU say is Mom. And especially when we finally CALL Mom on our phone and she says NO WAY, what the hell is going on? tell her to take that kid HOME! It all smelled fishy from the beginning, and only went downhill. And the kid? "Hey, I'm not sick!"





Best Patient Award goes to the baby who swallowed a coin. He slept through everything: exam, x-rays, vitals, discharge instructions. We could use more of those at the Spa.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS I WON'T DO.........

I want to put out a question to see if I can get any feedback or information. I work in a small rural hospital that has a 6 bed ICU. Actual ICU cases are few and far between, so they aren't well-staffed. As a trained ICU nurse, I work in another department, but I am being pressured to float to the ICU as the SOLE PRACTITIONER in the unit. No secretary, no aide, no other nurse but myself. The DON's rationale is that the M/S nursing station is only steps away. I am used to working in large ICU's with complex patients, but there's always been other nurses around and ancillary personnel. I feel very uncomfortable and have stated that this is not a safe environment for a solo practitioner, to no avail. I've looked at the AACN standards of practice but have been unable to find anything specific to address the issue.

I have told the DON that I would be happy to float to the ICU anytime as part of a team, with another nurse there-not alone. I frequently float to the ER, so floating isn't the issue. Staffing is, and I feel trapped. Any suggestions?


Now, this is the story behind the story:

This is the question I put out to various nursing forums. It basically explains the situation I've found myself lately. I had a sit-down conference with my DON today. Basically I was told to "shut up and stop saying I felt it was unsafe situation". NO WAY! No amount of walking the political line will EVER make me do something that jeopardizes my license. Especially when someone makes little veiled threats (no, let's call it an OVERT THREAT) about contacting the state board of nursing AND IPN (the impaired nurses intervention program) regarding the little incident from Thanksgiving (you know-my little overnight stay in the slammer courtesy of the TeenQueen).

The Florida Nurse Practice Act actually reads that the reportable offense is "Having been found GUILTY of, regardless of adjudication, or entered a plea of nolo contendere or guilty to, any offense
prohibited under Section 435.03, F.S., or under any similar statute of another jurisdiction; or having committed an act
which constitutes domestic violence as defined in Section 741.28, F.S. " (Don't fuck with me, I can research and read too!)


NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!!!

I've tried to access AACN's website regarding staffing standards in the ICU, to no avail. I can't seem to find ANYTHING that says you can't be the only nurse in ICU. At the same time, I can't seem to find anything that says it's OK, either. Any help would be appreciated, if you happen to have any of these references handy. I'm well versed in ASPAN's standards of practice, but I'm hitting a wall with this.

This just makes work SUCK. We're in the middle of a regime change-the hospital is being bought out and going nonprofit. The atmosphere is tense, and the present management knows they are pretty much on borrowed time. Add to that the current crappy economic situation, and everybody's on the verge of going postal. They've changed our hours from 4 ten-hour shifts to 5 8-hour shifts to save money (......where?), they count the minutes to make sure you're productive until you check out, and of course, NO OVERTIME and MUCHO FLOATING.

Thank God for the ER! I can work 3 12 hour shifts, do my hours in 3 days, then DISAPPEAR! I love the ER. My docs are great, the staff is nice, and no DRAMA, except the clinical variety.

As I said, any help on the information highway is greatly appreciated!

Thanks

And where did you spend Thanksgiving?

I hope my friends in the blogosphere had a great Thanksgiving. All the turkey they could eat and friends and family around them. I had planned to do the same. The turkey was stuffed and in the oven (a drunken turkey marinated in primo tequila and Grand Marnier, no less), ready to make the mash potatoes and cream of pumpkin soup. I had a crowd of about twenty people arriving at 5pm to celebrate.

Then I got arrested. For disciplining the TeenQueen.

I spent the night in jail.

You can't even spank your kid anymore without fear of becoming a convict. Well, there goes my boast of never being arrested.

I found out I'm tougher than I thought I was.

And if I had to do it over again, I would DO IT IN A HEARTBEAT......only this time I'd probably give her a couple of more licks!

Everyone in jail was very nice to me.....very understanding of my situation. Even got to room with a nice tourist who DUI'd. It could have been a lot worse.

I'll certainly be nicer to my inmate prisoners now-but then I've usually treated them well unless they act like idiots.

The convict jokes are flying around here.....but EVERYONE has been incredibly supportive.

And the TeenQueen? In a locked juvenile shelter "for her protection." Sheesh.....no cell phone, no computer access, contact list restricted (by ME) and she can't even pee without company. It had to come to this? Yes. If I'm so horrible, you're in paradise, babygirl.

WHO YA GONNA CALL?

Overheard behind a patient's curtain in the ER:

Patient: My back hurts and I can hardly walk. My prescription for Dilaudid is out, but my doctor's out of town until next week. I hate my husband, and one of these days I swear I'm going to kill him.

Doc: How long have you had this back pain?

Patient: My husband is the spawn of Satan. I hate him and one of these days he'll end up with his throat slit. Too bad my back hurts so much I can hardly walk.

Doc: Ma'am, what does your husband have to do with your back pain?

Patient: He causes the back pain with his mind. I'm going to kill him because he messes with my mind!

Doc: Are you saying your husband is the cause of your back pain?

Patient: I hurt so much, I can't walk, and I'm going to kill him!

Doc: (After a long, thoughtful pause)..........Have you thought of hiring a HUSBAND WHISPERER? He whispers in your husband's ear and his behavior improves......

Patient: Do you really think he could help me with my husband? I'll try anything, and my back hurts so much I can't walk over and kill him whenever he acts up.

Doc: It works like a charm. Wait here while I go get his number (and fill out your Baker Act form, since you have homicidal ideations and are delusional).


Every woman should have the HUSBAND WHISPERER'S phone number in her PDA.

BREEZING IN PARADISE

How many shopping days before Christmas? It's almost time to put up the pink Christmas tree with all the flamingos!!

The winter season has arrived in the Keys. The windows are open, the house is breeze-swept, and the AC won't be on again until at least April or May. The seas are a little choppier because of the windy conditions, but they make for excellent walking weather. This morning we took Bubbles out for her walk on the Seven Mile Bridge and it was cool and mild, while the current underneath it was deadly. Few boats were out on the water, but the day was picture perfect.

It's time to start thinking of shopping trips to the mainland for Christmas gifts. I had pretty much decided to do most of my Christmas shopping over the internet, modern technological MojoGirl that I am, but......old habits die hard. I like to TOUCH things, discover things, comparison shop. It's hard to do on the computer. At least for the gifts that count...Papi and TeenQueen.

Work is still on the quiet side. I've signed up for several ER shifts this month, but that's not that much more exciting because...our ER has as much traffic as a drive-through liquor store in a dry county. Seriously, this is a throwback to an ER of days past-people come in because they're actually SICK, not because we need entertainment. What a difference 50 miles make. The ER in Key West is exactly the opposite-a combination of homeless shelter, drugstore, community center, police substation and an occasional sick person. I'm even training to do GI procedures, just to do something different. Not my favorite, but if it makes me more marketable, let's do it. It beats getting floated to the floor.

On the plus side, I got a substantial raise last week-totally out of the blue. Can't complain about that. It won't make up for the sorry losses of my 401K, but then, who was planning to retire anyway?

I'm looking forward to our Thanksgiving bash. Practically the whole surgical department will be eating at the Mojo's. We're in full-throttle planning mode. Lotsa lotsa food!

It's stone crab and lobster season!! And boy, they're everywhere!! You just can't get sick of them, especially since the prices have gone down significantly.

The TeenQueen is learning how to drive. She needs a LOT of practice. But I'm rewarding her and letting her take the wheel every so often. I need a Xanax......and she's really not too bad, except at turns. Practice makes perfect. It also makes for Mom's nervous breakdown. The TeenQueen progress in life is like a tango----one step forward and two steps backwards. I'm learning to dance all over again.

XOXOXO from Paradise!

FANTASYFEST FUN IN THE ER

One of our main events in Key West is FantasyFest, a week long, sunshine-filled bacchanalia of booze and undressed states, fetish parties, body painting and (did I mention?) costumed and uncostumed creatures. This year was a less populated event, probably because of the state of the economy, but still loud and racy enough to keep us a little busy. Due to my dislike of drunken crowds, I chose to work and free up the ER staff to go have some fun, figuring I'd still catch a piece of the action, even while indoors. I was right.

Friday night was a yawner. No different than any other night. We considered ourselves lucky we weren't running around all night. We even planned to have a nap list set up for the next night if things kept up. HaHa......

Saturday night arrives. Same crew, same ER doc, our own Dr. Sugardaddy, who kept us old broads plied with chocolate and food to keep the estrogenation factor content. We saw our patient, collected beads from the family members who were in the ER, and even had time to order from Outback courtesy of the nurse manager (Thanks Sandy!). Then after midnight......they started rolling in..........

THE DRUNKS.....in all their gorgeous varieties! Happy drunks, anxious drunks, sleepy drunks, puky drunks, the regular drunks. Add to that the hallucinating folks, who were seeing leprechauns darting through the doorway and bright colored lights streaming through the cosmos.A couple of ankle injuries, people falling off their high heeled stripper boots or smashing their toes on objects unseen. The panic attack chick who, when not getting your full attention, would FLING herself out of bed to the floor and scream....not once, not twice, but 3 times. We finally sat some police officers who were there taking a police report for someone ELSE at her door and she stopped. Major drama queen. Lots of fights, lots of laceration suture-ups. Two traumas that luckily managed to be discharged and walked out, despite the possibilty of major injuries.

Oh, and in the middle of the excitement, our computer program for charting goes on the fritz and don't have access to ANYTHING! We must revert to paper for anything coming in and do the input later on when the computers come back. Thank goodness they were only down for 2 hours.

Everytime we took a break and sat outside at the ambulance bay, by magic, another EMS truck would appear....we decided to skip the outdoors after a while.

At 6AM, someone asked, "So who's first on the nap list?" At least no one got hurt, no one wrestled anyone else, no one died and we all got beads!

The unanswered question of the night is, "Where did your jeans and underwear go between the time of the accident and the time EMS picked you up?" We'd really like to know!

Just another night in Paradise.

Parting Gift

A guy shows up with two friends at the triage desk. None of the three look sick. One of them says he's a tourist and he's been stung by a scorpion. One of his friends carries a shoebox which has the mortal remains of a large black scorpion. All three look nervous. I take a look at the victim's hand, and reassure him that the local scorpions aren't poisonous, but can cause painful stings. I tell him that if he isn't allergic, the hand is going to be sore and that's it.

One of his friends pipes up, "So he isn't going to die today?"

Nope, I assure him. But I tell him there's no hope for the scorpion.

They leave. And they leave the dead scorpion in the box in the waiting area.

Thanks guys. I hate scorpions.

On the other hand, Papi and I had an abbreviated work day today. Not our doing...we had 2 surgical cases, one was cancelled, and we were done by 11:30 AM. So what's a department to do? We all went to the Hurricane, a local watering hole near the hospital to have lunch! We closed up the OR, and chowed down for awhile, which killed another hour of a beautiful day. The season is changing. The oppressive heat and mugginess is starting to disappear. It's breezy, clear and beautiful. Almost time for the Official OPEN THE WINDOWS AND TURN OFF THE AC DAY!

So what do you do on abbreviated work days? Three guesses........................when there's water, water everywhere!

Prepping for the BIG WEEKEND!

I did my first ER shift in 2 months today!

Surgery was slow, and I volunteered to work the ER at my new hospital. Not a stretch, since it's less busy than Key West and we're on the same computerized documentation system. I had a pleasant day, worked with really nice nurses and a very personable ER doc, plus......I warmed up for the main event: I'm working back at Key West's ER for FANTASYFEST!!!

For those who don't know, FantasyFest is a combination of Mardi Gras, Brazilian Carnaval and a free-for-all bacchanalia. A week of costumes, body paint, booze and excess which descends on Key West for a week at the end of October. Hotels are packed, the party never ends, and it's usually very busy in the ER.

I volunteered to work two night shifts on the main party nights. It's the closest I want to get to the party without actually being a part of it. Papi's kind of pissed at me because he wanted to go and I volunteered to work. Hell, I'm not dressing up, I have three drinks and need Zofran, and have no need or inclination to mix with the drunken masses. I really don't see the charm of throwing up on people's shoes, peeing in the bushes or exposing your genitalia to a perfect stranger or a throng of perfect strangers on Duval St. Some people have no business showing off their bodies. Some acts of exposure are absolutely criminal.

The sideshow in the ER is enough for me, thanks. Plus, I don't want the TeenQueen getting any IDEAS about attending the celebration. She's been behaving lately, so life is good.

Happy Friday to all! More stories next week on how the party ends up at the ER's doorstep!

The Cure for Adolescent Angst

I'm not going to survive my TeenQueen's teenage years.

THERE! I said it out loud! I should be stress-free! I live in Paradise! I have a dog that loves me! I'm a capable, competent person who has rolled with the punches all her life and come out on top. But I think adolescence, HER adolescent years are going to push me over the brink. I can't win this one. It's sapping the sanity out of me.

I've survived a grueling profession. Two, if you count teaching junior high for five years. All the blood, guts and vomit that have landed on my hands and shoes are NOTHING compared to this daily struggle I face daily. And I face it sober--no drinking to excess, no Xanax, no Valium, no Ativan, no sleeping pills, no heroin, no Prozac to make the day happier. I face it cold and straight on a daily basis, counting my good days and counting the hours until the end of the bad days. I'm tired. I'm hopeless. I'm the mother of a TeenQueen.

As far as kids go, she isn't bad if you compare her to the horror stories out there: no drugs, stealing cars, serial sex with the football players. No gang involvement, no bailing her out of jail, no runaway stories. She isn't selling her body on Duval Street or smoking crack on Stock Island. She's a smart girl, if a little unapplied to her schoolwork. She HAS common sense. She's as honest as a teen can get without getting herself into trouble. She's beautiful. She's my baby. But she isn't a baby anymore.

I'm losing it.

She wants more freedom. She wants to hang out with her friends. She wants to do things, and sometimes it might not be safe. And deep inside, I know I gotta let her go. I just want to keep her safe.

Papi thinks I'm too much of a pushover. TeenQueen thinks that because I didn't have a life as a teenager, I don't let her have one. They are both dead wrong. These are different times. I don't want her sheltered, like I was, and I don't buy into the "beating the crap outta your kid" philosophy that he holds. That's just wrong. And anyway, she's a lot bigger than I am.

So nobody's happy. The TeenQueen thinks I'm just cramping her style to exert authority. Papi jumps all over my butt for not exerting enough authority. I'm just miserable thinking that I'm going to have to live like this for the next few years, walking on eggshells, arguing, negotiating, not pleasing anyone. It's not a happy situation. The episodes of chest pain are getting more frequent.

I figure if I have the massive MI and croak, problem resolved: No more hassles.

At least the dog will miss me.

May we live in interesting times.

Birthday Party at Buon Appetito Cudjoe Key

The MOJO celebrated a birthday yesterday! Not quite young, not quite older than dirt, but something to celebrate anyway. I had planned to skydive at Sugarloaf Key, but we have been under cloud cover and torrential rain all weekend, and the view would not have been as spectacular as on a clear, sunny day. So that plan has been postponed but not indefinitely. I still plan to jump. And depending on the TeenQueen's behavior, I might even pull the ripcord.

I did celebrate my birthday very intimately, just Papi and I, all dressed up like adults. Papi has friends that own this fabulous little restaurant in Cudjoe Key. It's called Buon Appetito, and MY GOD THE FOOD IS TO DIE FOR! We don't eat out much because I have my own in-home private chef, but when he loved their food and highly raved about it, I definitely had to try it. The tastiest and most sublime Italian cuisine I've had in a long time, and probably the best I've had in the Keys. Nice location, on the water, indoor and outdoor seating, and the owners and staff are incredibly attentive. And did I mention the food? Very YUMMY!

Definitely make it a stop if you're in the lower Keys. It's only 15 minutes outside of Key West in Cudjoe, but it's the best little road trip you'll ever make. Thanks again to the owners Maria Elena and Alberto, the chef and the Maitre d, for making my birthday celebration wonderful!

Oh, and thank you Papi, for braving the torrential rain to get me there to make this magical night happen.

Vinales ravaged by the storms

These are pictures of my second hometown: the place in Cuba where my parents are from. I've been there many times over the years and I consider it a little piece of home. It's a famed valley which is noted for its beauty and excellent tobacco production. I still have family there. I love it because it's so peaceful and far away from civilization. Unfortunately it took a horrible beating from Hurricane Gustav and Ike, damaging almost 100% of its crops and destroying or damaging most of its quaint housing.

The hotel pictured is on a hill overlooking the valley. I've been there many times and never fail to observe the natural beauty of the place. I was particularly distressed after seeing the video posted above, recounting the destruction that they have suffered. It looks like the hotel, though, is still standing.
You feel pretty powerless when you're less than 100 miles away and can't do squat to help them because of the stupid laws on both sides of the water.

WHERE HAS THE MOJO BEEN?

Where have I been? I seemed to have lost track of time. It's only because the TeenQueen looked at the blog and exclaimed, "MOM! Why haven't you posted lately?" that I realized that there's no juicy stories to tell. No tales of crazy nights in the ER. Just the slow hum of sedated patients waking up from their procedures, the endless tasks of total joint replacement, the uncertainty of being on call and sleeping with the beeper under your pillow.

MAN, AM I BORED! and probably boring to boot. Hence, the lack of posts.

On the other hand, Papi and I have been back in the water lately. After the storms, we needed to back to the sea. I was craving sunlight and Hawaiian Tropic and salty ocean air. We've had awesome weather lately, so we finally got out to Money Key--these are the three little islands that are visible right off the Seven Mile Bridge, accessible by water only. Even Bumby went out and enjoyed swimming around. Picked up some awesome conch shells, snorkeled around and had a good old time!

But things are looking up.....I've booked several ER shifts for October! In addition to Key West PACU shifts, which are plentiful, I get to play in the ER during FantasyFest, which is the BIG event here in October! I can't wait to get back into the action again!

I've got a birthday coming up. Papi won't tell me what he's planning. TeenQueen's Homecoming dance is the same night. She managed to finagle a great dress and shoes from her father in Miami and she looks awesome in it. Hopefully she won't mess things up and be grounded before the dance. She even has a DATE and everything! I'll post pictures later....

EPILOGUE TO A STORM

We're still in the midst of tropical storm winds. Since last night it's been howling and the wind and debris have been hitting the side of the house. Between rain bands, it's still windy. Walking the dog has been a humorous high point, since she only weighs 4 pounds and sometimes the wind seems to almost lift her off the ground. She's not amused. In fact she's been hiding under the covers and staying close to me all day. Just a little spooked.

The residents have been advised to stay off the roads all day. There was a part of the Overseas Highway this morning that was flooded and impassable. Near the same area, a big rig overturned due to the high winds. There were also some tornado warnings, but mostly in the Upper Keys area, where they've been experiencing the outer bands.

Parts of Key West are flooded, like the south end of Duval St. and Southernmost Point, where the "90 miles to Cuba" buoy is located. Party town that it is, the bars are open, but the ER wasn't opening until 7PM tonight. Where did all the lost souls go when we were closed? I would love to be there tonight, even as a fly on the wall to see what the cat drags in!

All that anxiety that was built up......how anticlimactic an ending...I guess it's back to work tomorrow. No loss of life or property, only a few flying coconuts, mucho Weather Channel and NOAA website checks.

Paradise should be back to normal very soon!

DODGING THE BULLET

On and under the Seven Mile Bridge only minutes from the first rain bands. Wind speed 35-45mph


We're still here.

The day started out sunny, breezy, beautiful. It started to deteriorate around noon.
It's just starting to hit us. The outer rain bands are coming off Cuba now. As of the 11AM NOAA advisory, the storm has veered slightly south and the Keys are out of the cone, but still expecting tropical force winds and rain. Evacuations for Monday have been called off, but the authorities are advising those evacuated to stay put and not return.

The hospitals are CLOSED. All of them. So if anyone has a real emergency, they are out of luck. That's the part that scares me the most. You get a stroke or a heart attack, you can kiss yourself goodbye. Police and Coast Guard presence are down to a minimum. There are still a few stores open for business, but I'm sure as the day and the winds progress, things will come to a grinding halt.


I'm less anxious because I know that at least it's not going to be a killer storm. I can relax, enjoy my enforced days off and be ready to work like a maniac when things open up again.

I guess Papi was right: He prayed the storm away. The power of positive thinking! Now if only he would stop cooking up a storm inside the house!

Thanks to all the well-wishers for all your thoughts and prayers. We are thankful and grateful this didn't turn out to be the disaster it could have been.

WHEN IN CRISIS........EAT!

When faced with personal and property danger and the possibility for catastrophe, what does Papi decide to do?

SERVE THANKSGIVING IN SEPTEMBER!

His rationale: Get everyone together, create some good energy, give thanks for all our blessings and perhaps reunite us one last time before we have to scatter to the four winds and evacuate Paradise.


So last night we had turkey with all the fixings, a Cuban roast pork, just a ton of food. We laughed for awhile, all knowing in the back of our heads: "We might not do this again under this roof for awhile, if ever again." Even as the storm shifted south to Cuba overnight, the mandatory evacuations are still in place this morning. The authorities are not taking ANY chances. It's still a Category 4 hurricane and one little wobble to the north and the lower Keys will take a hit.

Am I going? I'm going to watch the advisories today. Get the shutters in place. Prepare the house. Watch for Jim Cantore in the neighborhood and determine wind speed and direction from his hair flow. And the 2AM advisory will be the decision-maker. That way, I avoid the evacuation traffic during the day, it gives me time to prepare, and we'll still make it out on time. Anyway, I'd rather make the trip at night. Daytona Beach is 7 hours away!

And it gives me time to get rid of the leftovers from the Thanksgiving meal!

Thanks to all for your prayers and good wishes. I will keep you posted on what's going on.

IT'S A BAD DAY WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING A VISIT FROM THIS GUY

I'm packed and ready to GO!

Tourist evacuations begin today. Resident evacuations start tomorrow. Patients are being discharged, and those too sick to go home are being airlifted by the Navy transport plane as far away as Alabama. The surgery department is closed for the next week, but (YIPPIE YIPPIE YEAH BABY!) I'll get to work in the ER again once the danger has passed (it will also put an end to the withdrawal symptoms and the heavy sighing every time I pass the ED doors!).

The plan is to drive to Daytona Beach and ride out the storm. I mean, really, what's the use of having a house if you're not going to use it, at least for a hurricane shelter? I already have my "Keys Re-entry Permit" so they'll let me back in if it's a mess down there. Everybody's scattering to the far winds. I personally don't care about losing all my things, it's happened before and in the end, they're only THINGS, they are replaceable. But a lot of my coworkers may not have even a home to come back to, and the mood is quite bleak, to say the least.

IKE has taken a slight southern turn, but not enough to put us out of danger. So we prepare...........AND WE WAIT.

PS: Papi's idea of preparation? Seasoning a 15 pound turkey for tonight and seasoning a pork roast--just in case we need to go, we'll have a good supper with our friends beforehand. I'm not nagging him about the shutters this time. I'm not everybody's MOMMY around here.

WINDSWEPT

WIND SPEED BAROMETER



I'm starting to hate hurricane season.

I might be looking at evacuating to the mainland in the next few days, depending upon the whims and wind speed and trajectory of IKE. The pesky little bugger is still a ways out, but---and here's the big BUT-it looks like it might be headed our way, or in our general direction or just wanting to play bulldozer with the whole state of Florida. Plan A for evacuation is either Miami or Daytona back to our sealed-up house, but it seems the "cone of uncertainty" covers both these areas. Plan B? Cuba, perhaps?

I certainly don't look forward to sitting in traffic for hours, packing up the most immediate and critical things, or worse, sitting in the middle of a major hurricane down here, where a Category 3 means storm surges of at least 14 feet. Goodbye cars, first floor, stuff in storage, electricity. There's really no choice but to evacuate. But can you imagine the possibility of heading to a place which might be hit, too? Or that you may have to traverse some ugly weather before you get to your destination? I shudder to think about it!

The hurricane situation is a non-stop, no-escape topic everywhere here. If the Weather Channel had Nielsen ratings, they'd be through the roof. Everyone is OBSESSED with 3-day cones, 5-day cones, barometric pressure, wind speed. It's like watching a disaster in slow motion. And not to mention the level of anxiety and frenzy it builds up.

Just a small price for living in Paradise, you say? No. After being hit with a triple whammy in Volusia County in 2004, I know that it's a Florida thing, like earthquakes in California. You can run sometimes, but you can't hide. And right now, I'd like to find a rock big enough to hide under.

LABOR DAY

FINALLY............a post. It's actually sunny in the Keys. We have not been out of one weather mishap to fall into another. The Lower Keys has been under a tropical storm warning all weekend. So much for boating and picnic plans. We're all wearing our amateur meteorologists' hats and tracking Gustav, Hannah and whoever else decides to blow our way in the next couple of weeks. Talk about preparedness! Food, gasoline, generator, water, shutters at the ready, a reserve of tequila and margarita mix (for barter of course--you never know if you need to trade it for candles and matches!). The kids in school already have to make up two hurricane days and school only started two weeks ago!

So today is the first really sunny day. Very nice, very breezy, a little choppy out there for my taste, but absolutely beautiful. Blue water and sky like it's supposed to be. Papi is chomping at the bit to finally put the boat in the water and dock it at its designated spot. We went out in the morning for a stroll down the old Seven Mile Bridge, which is now a pedestrian walkway over the water. Hard to believe that little footpath was once THE ROADWAY. It's tiny, two-laned, no median. No small wonder they always had fatal head-on collisions there! We let Bumby run to her little heart's content and were almost tempted to dip her in the water at the seawall, but the current was a little strong. We'll get her later today in the boat.

Back to work tomorrow. Not a bad week ahead of me. Three days up here and a princess shift in PACU Key West. A little entertainment to break up the monotony. My house is FINALLY looking like we've lived here for awhile. I can find all my clothes and Papi knows where everything is in the kitchen. And the grill finally dried out from the previous tropical storm and lights again (VERY IMPORTANT to all!).

So, good wishes to everyone and I hope you've having a great Labor Day weekend wherever you may find yourselves....hopefully in a warm, sunny spot.

HIGH AND DRY ONCE MORE

SORRY ABOUT the delay in posting. The hurricane scare is over, the wind and rain have died down and the MOJO has been heavily involved in that favorite American pastime: ORGANIZING HER HOUSEHOLD. That being in addition to starting a new job, coordinating school/bus/cheerleading practice for the TeenQueen, making dinner, doing tons of laundry and collapsing exhausted in bed, only to do it ALL over again a few hours later! My feet scream bloody murder, I'm out of Advil, and if I have to climb another flight of stairss (I have 3 stories!) I'm just going to crumple in place.

But otherwise, life is good.

Work, as predicted, is underwhelming. A nice, friendly environment to work in, very cute and cozy and above all, A SAFE WORKING ENVIRONMENT. No charging psychos or drunks. We had a little incident the last week I worked in the ER in which an MD had a part of his anatomy bitten off by a patient while RIGHT THERE in the unit. I kid you not. And then the patient swallowed said piece of anatomy and they were unable to reattach it. He would have made Hannibal Lecter proud. It's not even funny because he was MY patient a few nights before and that could have been any one of us!

I used to rant about scorpions when I moved here. I haven't seen a scorpion yet in Marathon, but there's a new little ugly creature that pops up everywhere and torments me to no end: the crabs. Big orange crabs that pop out of everywhere, can slide under your door and only live to hound me. As you can guess, I don't like them. Terrified is more like it. And they're EVERYWHERE!!

Switching to day shift is not a piece of cake after a year of night shift. By 4pm I'm tired. By 7pm I'm a zombie. I guess I'll adjust.

I walked home today. It took 5 minutes. It was great. If it weren't 90 degrees outside, I'd probably do it more often.

So such is life these days. I must give you the lowdown on those last ER days, as soon as my house is in order. But no, we haven't blown away. We just haven't had the time to gaze at the sunset lately. But tomorrow is Friday and the weekend begins....

Hi everyone ! (: (Sorry Mom)

This would be the so called "Teen Queen" my mom always seems to mention.
she left her blog page up, and me being the mischievous one i am....i decided to put up a post of my own! mwahahahahha.

So, since i dont really know what to write about, I'll just tell you that my mom is secretly freaking out about this hurricane thing, but me and pops are chillin' throughout the whole thing, we've already been outside exploring :).

But NOOO, mom just sits inside and cleans (she does that when shes mad or nervous, in this case...nervous).
I keep telling her thats its not even that big of a deal, its wind & rain combined .... strongly; and that its not gonna get any worse [knocks on wood].

So i guess you've all heard about our new house huh? its really nice, i actually like it alot. my room is a good enough size for me, and THERES NO WHITE WALLS! :D You dont understand how much white walls irk me -.-

So my mom has trapped me in this big house in this new town and for what? to clean. She claims im grounded for life, but we all know Mommy loves me too much to do that to her one and only (i hope) loving daughter. Yeah, im excited for school. Thats really weird, because normally im not very...school-friendly. Im sure youve already read about the sad state of public education here in the keys. But i'm hoping this is a different story.

So yeah...anyways, im bored now. Not really, i could sit here and write forever and ever and tell you juicy secrets and tell you about my "problems" and non-existent teen love life, but i wouldn't want to have to make a Blog of my own. Not yet at least (:

By the way, my mom is really the best, she may love the dog more than she loves me but i dont blame her. the dog doesnt talk back. & plus, my kitty loves me (:
Speaking of the kitty, i havent seen him anywhere- hopefully he hasnt snuck out into the rain.

Oh wait, one more thing: I think all of you should explain to my mom that she should let me grow up and not to keep such a short leash on me ! Because ya know, she loves me and all :). Yeah! No groundment for the teens ! I'm. On. Strike.

Ah, gotta go. Mom just came in and told me to finish my room, typical. -.-

Later ! (:

panties......BLOWING IN THE WIND

IF YOU'LL NOTICE that 2PM spot on the map........that's us. Right now!

The wind has been howling all day. It feels like someone's throwing objects at the house. My hurricane shutters aren't closed yet because Papi has a wonderful sense of adventure and procrastination. He feels that the pork roast in the oven is infinitely more important than the possibility of window damage. My bedroom has French doors to an outdoor balcony and I'm passing away the afternoon watching the palm trees bend. Hopefully, no flying coconuts.

We can't see the ocean anymore. It's all blended in to the sky in an endless shade of gray. Not really too much rain either, just wind speeds now in excess of 40mph and increasing.

But at least the power is on still, and we're still on enforced holiday from work and school. I think we avoided the bullet this time, but then, the mainland is going to get hit with the real storm tomorrow.

SO STAY TUNED.....

PANTIES LOOSENING UP

Things are looking up if not better. The storm IS headed our way. But school has been cancelled, the hospital has suspended surgery for the next 2 days at least, and all possessions including the boat, are transferred and safe. NO school and NO work. We have a full pantry, extra gasoline for the generator and plenty of candles, flashlights and propane to last us for however many days we need.

The authorities started tourist evacuation of the Keys today. Which means the line of traffic OUT was phenomenal. Luckily, our travels today have mostly been IN, toward Key West to finish off the move. The boat was the last thing moved. They're expecting storm surge, combined with a full moon will equal very HIGH tides, so flooding is a possibility. We're in good shape. Only thing left is slide the shutters closed on the windows.

Right now it's sunny and breezy in Marathon. The seas look ok, not too angry. And I'm tired, but happy that I'm getting a little reprieve after this most hectic weekend.

I'm picking up a wireless signal in the neighborhood, so I can write on the blog and check NOAA's website for updates.

Stay tuned---this is going to be an adventure: My first hurricane in the Keys!

Panties in a a wad

I think we have a hurricane headed our way. It's supposed to hit us Monday.

I'm moving this weekend. Everything I own is in boxes, including my toothbrush.

I start my new job on Monday.

TeenQueen starts her new school on Monday.

I have no Internet service, no phone service and no cable until later in the week.

I'm having a meltdown............

Daydreaming in Paradise

Where do I see myself in 10-15 years?

It will just be Papi and I. And the dog. And the cat. Free to roam around the world. It's an interesting thought. And before you know it, PRESTO! Time has flown and here it is! So.....what do you want to do when you grow up?

Buy a sailboat. Preferably a trimaran.

Live on it.

Sail around the Caribbean in it. Go to Cuba.


That's what I want to do.

Just a few things to learn along the way. First, how to sail. Second, how to not get seasick. Third, get rid of all our stuff and live in a confined space. Fourth, try not to have a hip or knee replacement in the meantime.

SURE! IT IS DOABLE! I have time to learn. But I'd better hurry up and start learning!

FINDING RELIGION

http://snipentology.com/index.htm

I am going to join the Church of Snipentology. It holds services on Sunday, you can take your dog and your friends, and best of all, the dress code is BEACH CASUAL.

You'll find some of my co-workers at the Church: Suzie Jo, Wendy, Christina and Sandy, our former ER nurse manager.

ONLY IN KEY WEST!

MOJITOGIRL and the end of summer

The lease is signed! Moving date is August 15th. Marathon, here I come!

A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can breathe again knowing I'm not going to get stuck in an icky house because we couldn't find anything we liked. We really like this place. At my age, after being a homeowner for soooo many years, you get accustomed to living in nice places and being comfortable. I hate carpets, white walls, ugly kitchens and icky bathtubs. I like my fixtures updated. I like clean and fresh. And I HATE the smell of mold.

The new place is quite lovely. Three stories. Main living/dining/eat in kitchen and laundry on the second floor. Bedrooms on the third floor. Balconies on both floors. The first floor has a foyer, then indoor storage. It's on a quiet street. Ocean views from upstairs, and a great view of the Seven Mile Bridge from the top floor. Also a great little pool area just steps from our place. And the complex is mostly empty. Travelers from the hospital stay there and they say it's very quiet.

My packing is almost done. I go back to work tomorrow for a six night stretch. The TeenQueen arrives late next week. The honeymoon is almost over. Papi and I are really looking forward to getting up and having coffee together in the morning before heading out to work, instead of him just leaving it ready for me when I get home. We're looking forward to a lot of things these days... I'm happy he's happy. It truly has been a relaxing summer.

I have to give you one last GREAT ER POST before I sail off into the sunset. I'm twirling some ideas around......There are some characters that need to be immortalized in print. I just want to formulate the right words so you can get a mental picture of how screamingly funny this last year has been at work. Sometimes I wish I could capture these scenarios on video......but then I remember....HIPAA......oh yeah, them!

All I know is that the cast of characters includes: The NarcoNoseSpray Lady, the Dancing Money Dude, The Munschausen Village Idiot, the Cuban Party People, the Burka Lady, and the drunken Wynken, Blynken and Nod. And oh let's not forget Torquemada, Head of the torture party and Sugardaddy.com!

It sounds frightful just writing out their monikers!

Just when I thought I'd end up homeless....

THE TOWNHOUSE IS OURS!!! WE'RE MOVING TO MARATHON! 57 SECONDS OF COMMUTING TO WORK!! YIPPEE.........


Boy do I have a lot of work to do!

I'm dreaming of closet space and stainless steel appliances.....sunsets on the Seven Mile Bridge......walking to work.....happy beyond belief!

THE MAP

If you're an occasional visitor to SUNBURNPARADISE you may have noticed the addition of THE MAP to the top of the blog. I thought it appropriate to point out the location of the Florida Keys because I still get a lot of "where exactly are you?" Some people seem to think of Key West as a city somewhere in the US, but unless they've been down here they don't appreciate the fact that it's OUT THERE......in the middle of the ocean.....with only little islands and bridges connecting it to a mainland far, far away. A little geographically undesireable for many things, as I've posted before. Shopping, major trauma, shopping, all those things that make life easier.

The map will also give you an idea of the distances we drive to do things (and this is with gas prices at their highest because.....we're the last point south in the nation. The difference between Marathon and Key West is approximately fifty miles. I work in Key West, Mile Marker 0. Papi works in Marathon at Mile marker 49. We live halfway in the middle, between Cudjoe and Big Pine Key. Papi's commute takes him over the Seven Mile Bridge daily. Mine takes me all the way down through the little islands. In any case it's about a half hour each way, since it's two lanes and usually 45mph.

Where's the nearest movie theater, MacDonalds, Home Depot? Marathon or Key West. Dry cleaners? Same. The TeenQueen's school is on another island on Mile Marker 19, 8 miles from home. Unless you're in dire need of boat parts or a beer, you gotta travel. Therefore the need to move, especially since now I'm moving to Papi's hospital.

We're tired of driving. Our gas bills are screamingly high. All I want is a place to live where it will take me five minutes to get to work and have everything in a five mile radius.

I spent the day yesterday house-hunting. The word "house" is verrryy elastic here in the Keys. It can mean everything from a typical ground level house to an elevated stilt house to a trailer with an attached porch. You never know what to expect when you go see a property. And if you rule out the million dollar homes on the ocean at the high end and the single-wide trailers on stilts at the low end, you're really not left with a lot of choices.

I think I found a house, though. I saw a lovely stand-alone 3 story townhouse yesterday. Pretty new, plenty of closets, a kitchen to die for and tile for the pets. And a pool for the TeenQueen. Better yet a whole 57 seconds of commute to the hospital. We can walk to work! Not on the water, but I have a view of the ocean from the balconies and close to boat ramps to launch the toy. And best of all, not a million dollar rental! I WANT THIS HOUSE!

So.............what's for breakfast?

Happy Friday to all! A six-day weekend stretches before me........

I have survived a four-night ER stretch just a little worse for wear. Nothing really major. We've seen a lot of gory and pustulent abscesses this week. Staph is ENDEMIC in this part of the world. Sometimes all I want to do is take a hot soapy shower mid-shift .Hibiclens is definitely my best friend. Armpit abscesses, groin abscesses, buttock abscesses, breast abscesses, little ones and big ones. The pus is running fast and loose around here!

At the same time, nobody's coded, everyone's gotten stabilized and sent to ICU in a speedy manner or flown out quickly. I even managed, in the span of ten minutes tonight, to get my patient out to the chopper, pump an overdose's stomach and field a call from the Teen Queen. Talk about multi-tasking in a limited time frame!

All systems are go for my transfer to PACU at Papi's hospital. This means that I have 2 weeks left before the ER gig is up on a permanent basis. I can't believe it's almost been a year to the day since I got to Key West and embarked on this amazing adventure. I'm going to miss these people and this job. I haven't had this much fun since college. And they PAY me to do it!

But, it's time for life to be normal again. It's time for me to get up at a normal hour, work during the day like normal folks do, have dinner with my family again and put everybody to bed before I retire. It's time to rejoin the family unit. I'm sorry to have to let it go, but as MOM, I know it's time to take charge of this "put the fun in dysfunctional" family. Break out the sleeping pills. I gotta learn to sleep at NIGHT again!

Off to sleep I go......at 8am. When I wake up, it will be time for the Sunset Celebration. Hopefully Papi will have the shrimp on ice and the margaritas mixed.

Shrimp and margaritas for breakfast. What a concept. Only in Paradise!

A SMALL CONTRIBUTION TO THE HEALTH AND WELL-BEING OF KEY WEST

I just had to add this little note of thanks and give credit where credit is due!

We take our Cuban coffee seriously here in Key West. From the cafe con leches to the coladas to the buches, it keeps our motors running and our spirits high. The night shift in the ER truly appreciates good Cuban coffee at 3am. And we have Sandy's Cafe on White Street to thank. They're open 24/7 and always ready to take our order in the middle of the night so when can keep the madness (or the party) going.

So, big round of applause to the Sandy's crew and a big thanks to KIM, who calls in our order, picks it up and delivers it Godspeed.

And if you're ever down here in Key West, go check them out for your late night coffee and munchies. Try the plantains, too.....highly recommended by Mojitogirl, who knows a good plaintain when she eats one.

THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD

Rescue calls in that they're bringing in a patient found pretty much unresponsive on the sidewalk. Nothing new in our little part of the world. We rush him in and find him sweating profusely, obtunded, pinpoint pupils. Can't talk, can't give a history. Well dressed and is wearing the biggest solid gold chain and gold coin I've ever seen. Doesn't react to Narcan or Romazicon reversal. Has alternating periods between lethargy and combativeness. Lucky for us, since he's built SOLID. It takes 4 or 5 of us to hold him down when he stirs. We get labs, and rush him to CT. Clean scan, no problems there. Labs are unremarkable. NO drugs or alcohol in his system. Vital signs stable throughout. EKG perfectly normal. Wife comes in and tells us he's an extremely healthy, hard-working fellow. WE ARE STUMPED!
What the hell is wrong with him then?

We start hydrating him and PRESTO! He starts coming back slowly. First he responds to verbal stimuli, then he answers questions. He loses the combativeness. Within two hours of hydration, he's awake, alert, oriented and cracking jokes. HEAT EXHAUSTION is the official diagnosis! Amazing! By the time we transfer him upstairs, he's perfect. Except for one thing. He's missing his solid gold Rolex watch. He didn't have it on arrival. He was truly afraid it might have been taken from him while he was unresponsive on the sidewalk. It was a possibility he had to seriously consider.

At 3AM the same rescue crew rolls back in with another patient. They happen to ask about the man. I ask them to check the back of the truck to see if the watch might be in there. PRESTO! One solid gold Rolex watch is found. I personally deliver it to him upstairs in his room.

How lucky can you get in one day?

No matter how crappy my night was (and IT WAS CRAPPY!) he was the bright spot in my shift tonight.

REFER TO mojitogirl's LAW #1: HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE!

WILDLIFE ADVENTURES

I almost went swimming with this pack of dolphins. But Papi wouldn't let me jump off the boat. Always sooo protective of his babe.....

What NOT TO DO when vacationing in Key West

I like tourists. I really do. I was a tourist once, too (and look what happened! My dream came true and I got to STAY). Tourists usually make good patients, they're mostly polite, usually scared that something's happening to them so far from home and happy that we can treat them so quickly and get them on their way. Still, it's a real bummer to anyone if you break a bone, need stitches, or end up intubated sometime during your hard-earned vacation. So Mojitogirl has put together a small list of reminders to make sure your vacation goes smoothly and you don't get to see me on a professional basis while in Paradise!

1. HYDRATE, HYDRATE HYDRATE! And I don't mean beer! It's hot here. Hot and humid. Probably hotter than you're used to. And it's also an outdoor kind of town. You're going to sweat and lose fluids without even noticing. Drink water. Then drink more water. We get all kinds of folks in for dehydration. If you drink, you won't lose a few precious hours of vacation time in the ER rehydrating.

2. It's a small town. We call it a 2 x 4 island. You walk a lot. Or you ride a bike or rent a scooter. Be really careful doing all three. The streets are older and uneven, there are a lot of parked cars, tree roots in the sidewalks, drunk tourists riding scooters. We see LOTS of scooter accidents, people tripping on the sidewalks, people slipping on wet streets, people falling off bicycles. Just be careful. Most of these happen to people who have never driven scooters, or haven't been on a bike in years.

3. Alcohol and water sports do not mix. PERIOD. What would possess anyone to drive a jetski or a powerboat under the influence? We see more near-drownings from jetski accidents than from swimming mishaps. Wear your lifejacket and watch the speed.

4. Don't take a 100 foot dive right after getting your brand new certification. It could be painful AND expensive, since the nearest decompression chamber is near the mainland and you'll buy yourself a chopper ride.

5. Don't leave your oxygen tank at home if you come on vacation and you're oxygen dependent. Just because the air is clean and the island is breeze-swept doesn't mean you're not going to decompensate. Can you imagine the vacation stories? "What did you do on holiday? Oh, I went to Key West and got intubated." STUPID STUPID STUPID.

6. Invest in an inexpensive pair of water shoes that you will shield your feet from coral, glass or any other sharp objects when in the water. It will save you a trip to the ER to remove embedded foreign bodies.

7. I understand that on vacation, you're letting loose, eating and drinking and unleashing the inner child, usually without the children along. Be sensible. Don't drink or eat or drug to excess. If you're going to pass out drunk somewhere, do it in the privacy of your hotel room, not on Duval Street, where our trusty KW police with haul your drunken carcass over to the ER. Guaranteed.

8. Sunburn is NOT an emergency that needs to be seen in the ER. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION.

Otherwise, enjoy your stay in PARADISE!

What do pelicans dream of?


It has been a tranquil and uneventful week so far. Sunday night we had ZILCH for ER traffic. We were idle for hours. Dr. Skittles was at the helm of a well-oiled unit that had nothing to do all night. I loved every minute of it. Tuesday I worked a day shift in PACU. By the time I came in, the schedule was done. I sat for hours, with only an hour's worth of epidural steroid injections and an emergency C-section to break up the monotony. Papi has been coming home early because they don't have cases either. The only wrench in the works has been the RAIN. It has been overcast, humid and showering since the beginning of the weekend. No boating, no tanning. No fun. But it has been RELAXING.....

I have two back to back shifts in the ER and then the weekend begins. I've already told Papi to have the shrimp and margaritas ready for Friday's Sunset Celebration. I figure if you welcome the weekend with a bang, the weekend will be good to you!

Our wacky ER crew has decided that we should have a Christmas Party. In July. Just so we won't forget how it's done. So Friday July 25th, we are celebrating CHRISTMAS IN JULY, complete with Christmas decorations, Santa hats and gift exchange. Only in Key West....

My TEEN QUEEN is away in Miami. We've chatted several times since she left. She was a little miffed at me when we parted, since she was grounded for bad behavior. But things have smoothed out. In fact, I got this little love note as a comment on the blog:



Hi mom; its me. i miss you.
and i have be3en reading your blog.
but it seems like you dont miss you teen queen too much ):

i miss you though.
hope youre eye inefction gets better soon.

Love you always.



I do miss you darling. Every day. But I'm glad you're out there and realizing that you don't have it so GREAT when you're not home. That not EVERYBODY puts up with your drama. But I hope you are having a good time and that your travels go well. And when you come home, then WELCOME HOME. Until then, Mom loves and misses you. OK?

Behave......I can't save you from afar.....LOVE YOU!! mom

MOJITO CELEBRATES HER 100TH!

This is my 100th post to SUNBURNPARADISE. A lot of water under the proverbial bridge since I started writing this blog. Things have smoothed out, worked themselves out for the better. I've grown to like it here in Paradise, so much so that I don't plan to leave anytime soon.

It's 4:20AM and the ER is deserted. Not bad for a Friday night. Two more nights to go and our favorite, Dr. Skittles is on tonight, so we know it's going to be a good weekend. Our patients tonight have been well-behaved, not too sick, and SCARCE. Gotta love it.

My eyeballs have behaved so far, just a little redness and itching. I look forward to getting home and having coffee on the patio with Papi before diving into bed for the day.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend, work or no work.

HONEYMOONERS

We're honeymooning for the summer. Teen Queen is gone....off to Miami, then leaving for Peru for the rest of the summer. The house is clean, quiet reigns with the occasional pitter-patter of the pets. No arguments. No loud music unless it's OUR music....HEAVEN!

I am temporarily sidelined with an eye infection which prohibits me from wearing contact lenses. So I AM BLIND! HOPELESSLY BLIND! Can't read, can't watch TV, can barely use the computer unless the font size is at its biggest. Can't drive, can't work, can barely get out of bed without stubbing a toe or running into something. I'm pretty blind (I wear contacts AND reading glasses on top of those) and I've already sliced my finger loading the dishwasher. So what's a girl to do?

The house-hunting is not yielding anything we like. We saw a very cute little A-frame house on a private beach which was great.....except it was the only house in a trailer park. Pass on that. There are plenty of houses available everywhere except in Marathon, where we're close to work. All we want is a cute little house with a kitchen big enough for Papi, a place for the boat, a killer sunset view and tile floors for the pets. Hopefully things will come available, since this little house turns into a pumpkin at the end of August.

All systems are GO for my transfer into PACU in September. My tenure in the ER is coming to an end. My life on the night shift is about to expire. My fun job. My most excellent, irreverent, outrageous co-workers, I'll miss you all. But....if anyone out there is interested in a way cool ER RN job in Paradise, let me know....I'll hook you up!

I've got 3 shifts coming up starting tonight....if my eyes behave and I can wear my contacts. One more day locked in the house blind and I'll have to scream, out of boredom, if not pain.

From Paradise, love and margaritas for all...HAPPY FRIDAY!!

STUPID MALE OF THE MONTH

EMS brings us a 30-ish female found passed out in a bathroom in a very reputable establishment on Duval St. Incoherent, unable to walk or talk, smelling of alcohol. You might think this was the usual drunken binge, but she was different: clean, well-cared for, manicured nails, jewelry, nicely dressed. Most probably a tourist. We confirmed that when we found her ID: yes, from out of town. We now knew her name, but not much else, since she was in no condition to talk.

We drew a tox screen and a blood alcohol level. Tox was negative and alcohol was over legal limit, but not our usual 300-500 range that our drunks score. Just a clean cut girl from out of town who probably wasn't used to drinking much and had one too many, then passed out in the bathroom. It took about two hours for her to be able to speak to us and give us some information.

First interesting point: She was out with her husband that night. She went to the bathroom and doesn't remember anything afterwards. Usually when the non-frequent flyers end up here, SOMEONE comes looking for them. Sometimes in large groups. Not in this case. We managed to get a cell phone number for her husband and called him.

HE was in a taxi going back to his hotel. HE had continued the bar crawl, unaware or not caring that his wife had stepped into the bathroom and disappeared into a black hole. HE was pissed that she was in the ER, even when told of the circumstances that brought her here. And he continued to berate her for the duration of her stay in the ER about how this put a "damper in the party."

Now realize, these were nice-looking people, probably professionals, judging by the size of the diamond on her finger.

If I disappeared into a public bathroom for any unusual length of time, you can well assure that my husband would probably break the door down to find me. He wouldn't just continue the party, or worse yet, leave the establishment and go on to the next place, or back to the hotel. Call me old-fashioned, but would YOU want to be married to someone who is oblivious and uncaring about the circumstances you may find yourself in? Would you want your significant other to abandon you in a vulnerable state, in a strange town?

I don't GET IT. I find it so wrong on SO MANY LEVELS. Hell, why be married in the first place?


HEY MISTER! YOU'RE A FIRST CLASS JERK! PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO MARRY, MUCH LESS REPRODUCE!!

I LOVE THIS GUY!!!

Maybe we should hire him as the TRIAGE NURSE.

All of a sudden, it hits you........

You know that you've got it BAD when.....

You haven't left the Keys yet and you're already wishing you were back in your elevated little house overlooking the water.

You can't wait to do your things and get back to the islands.

You're back at home, in your DREAM HOUSE, in the house that cost you blood, sweat and tears to keep afloat, in the house you'd thought you missed more than anything and all you think about is BLUE WATER.

You keep meandering through your big big house with the stairs and realize, "I can't grow old in this house. It's tooo big. Too much work."

Your grass is overgrown, an oak tree that was hit by lightning is obstructing your driveway and all you're thinking about is palm trees in your pearock yard.

It's time.....

The house is on the market.

The Keys win.

Home is where the BLUE WATER is.


PS...........anybody out there wanna buy a REALLY BIG HOUSE in the country?

I'm signing off for a couple of days because................

I'M GOING HOME!

I'm going to go shutter up the house for hurricane season and bring some more stuff down here. Hopefully try to catch some beach time at the World's Most Famous Beach, see some friends and enjoy the view of the pine forests and green pasture.

I'm soooo excited!

SEE YA!

LAWS TO LIVE BY IN THE ER

Here's a nod to DR. DINO. This was just too good not to share with the rest of the blogosphere!



First Law: The Art of Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature takes its course.

Second Law: It is impossible to make an asymptomatic patient feel better.

Third Law: The urgency of the test is inversely proportional to the IQ of the insurance company preauthorization clerk.

Fourth Law: There is no cure for stupid.

Fifth Law: A patient's acceptance of a screening test is inversely proportional to its necessity for that particular patient.

Sixth Law: Trauma survival is inversely related to the patient's value to society.

Seventh Law: Fertility is inversely proportional to intelligence.

Eighth Law: The better the surgeon, the more reluctant s/he is to operate.

Ninth Law:
Part A: It has to be fun.
Part B: If it isn't fun, see Part A.

Tenth Law: "Simple" and "Easy" are not necessarily the same.

Eleventh Law: Poor planning on your part is not an emergency on my part.

Twelfth Law: A bad idea held by many people for a long time is still a bad idea.

THE THREE AMIGOS

OUR WILD AND WACKY ER NIGHT STAFF!

This is what happens when you get too much free time on your hands!

WHEN SLICK TEEN QUEENS GOES BAD

I love it when my teen thinks she's soooo slick that she can get away with anything and Mom will believe it.

Case in point:

I was going off to work. Papi was catering a party. Teen and Best Friend were at home, staying over. They were specifically instructed not to leave the house that night. "NO PROBLEM MOM, WE'RE JUST GOING TO CHILL HERE." right........

I call several times to check up on them. Everything's fine until about 9:30pm when no one picks up the call. Papi gets home at 10:30pm, and no one's home. Apparently Teen Queen had called and said they were at Best Friend's house to pick up hair dye and were "on their way back". So he went to bed and fell asleep. They didn't pick up the phone again until 02:30am. And proceeded to tell me the following story, both by phone and in this interesting e-mail:

Hey. You had to go right when i got Dan awake, but anyways.
Hopefully it calms down and you check your email.
if not, you're checking this when youre awake or just getting home or something.

Anyways- i was home.
I needed to bring back the bleach, and pink dye because i left it at Carina's
and She needed clothes anyhow, so we took a bus. and the next one came in 30 minutes.
so we just waited.

We got here at like...7? 7ish.
and knocked out.
lights out.
the only light on in the house was the one in the kitchen.
so when Dan came in, he could see.
Dan probally didnt check my room.

and the pets were outside, so yeah.
but i have D E F I N I T E L Y been home all night except for those like 45 mins,
maybe hour.


Okay? whether you choose to believe me or not is up to you. but yeah. thats what
happened.

Night night.


So how many conflicting stories do we have here?

When I get home at 7am, I drag the Teen out of bed and again ask here where she's been, what time she gets home, etc. The story starts to deviate again. So I put both her and Best Friend in the car, drive to Best Friend's house, wake up her parents and say...."We have a little problem with the girls' whereabouts last night". BUSTED!!!!!

So, where were the girls last night? In Key West. Supposedly at the movies. How did they get there? How did they get back?

How did they manage to get into sooooo much TROUBLE?

Kid, let me tell you something. I came and went on that road already. There isn't a story you can tell me that I haven't heard or used before. Don't try to outslick an adult. That's why we're ADULTS and you're still a KID. And parents don't do this because we want to keep you down and from having fun. We just want to keep you SAFE. We want to keep away that dreaded phone call or knock on the door in the middle of the night with the bad news. We want to make sure you never have to live through a bad accident, a rape, a beating, a night in jail. It's already cost you a trip to Daytona Beach to see your best friend, your computer access, your phone and your summer in the Keys. And just WAIT until your father finds out!

You'll have plenty of time to have fun. PLENTY OF TIME to dance on tables and date icky boys your mom won't like. Plenty of time to let loose on the world. Just not now until you learn to be trustworthy and responsible.

JUST NOT NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!!!

FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE ER:

11PM. WE'RE EMPTY!

Dr. Skittles has worked his magic again. He has the uncanny ability to make our nights lighter, brighter and less like work. And we've got him ALL WEEKEND!! YIPPEEEEE!!

Last night was a killer. If I ever forgot how to put in NG and OG tubes, last night was an intensive refresher course. And I HATE putting those things in......I've had one in myself and there's no way around it.....it is UNPLEASANT to say the least. I also had a duo of Vomiting Vixens, who did nothing all night but spew a la EXORCIST. There was no meds that would stop the spew from spewing. Hence, the NGT's.

So, unless somebody near death or with his head dangling loosely from his body comes in tonight, LET ME REST! Let those little protruding bones in my feet that scream my name over and over be relaxed and propped up. Let the eminent Dr. Skittles bless us with his magic.

Happy Friday from an ER somewhere in the Florida Keys!

My STATE OF MIND THIS WEEK

I'm up at 3AM for a 6AM shift. I don't know if I'm coming or going. This is Day 3 of a 7 day stretch, and my last shift on days in PACU. Tomorrow it's back to ER at night.

So much for taking it easy this summer.

I have something to look forward to: 8 days off, starting before the July 4th weekend!!

p.s. I do a mean Lili von Shtup imitation......

“Scratch any cynic,” he said, “and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”


RIP GEORGE. Maybe you'll find all your stuff......

NEWS FLASH! TEENAGE TERRORIST ON THE LOOSE IN KEY WEST!

Ah, the summer months. Down time everywhere. Less work, no stress, no one home but Papi and I............. plans SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!!!! to a halt.

Except that this summer. Daniella doesn't want to leave.

She has spent every summer with her father. She usually goes to Miami, and then from there they go on vacation, or to camp, or to visit family for the summer around the country. She used to look forward to spending the summer with her Miami friends. Not this year......OH NOOOO,,,,,

She wants to be here. In the Keys. At the beach. In Key West. On Duval St. Taking the bus up and down. Seeing her friends. Getting a tan. Anywhere but with her father. And he doesn't know it yet.

So far, she's been out of school for 2 weeks, and has managed to put him off. She can't put him off much longer!

Of course, I've never wanted her to go. It used to be murder at the beginning, missing her all the time. Especially since she and her stepmom did not get along, and she did whatever she could to get under her skin. But it was inevitable. Every summer, she went, and didn't come back until the beginning of the school year. But this year, the mouse roared. In no UNCERTAIN TERMS, she told her father that she wasn't spending ALL summer with him. She had a social life, you know.

Of course, while it's nice to have her here, it throws a wrench in some of my plans. I have house-hunting to do. I'm working both daylight and nighttime hours, which means my schedule is retarded. I can't be trotting her around town all day. And it won't be a mess-free summer, as usual (OK call me a little selfish!).

The kid's growing up. Heaven help us all.

I LOVE MY JOB--PART 2.

I love the fact that we saw more drunks tonight than the night of FantasyFest. I love it that our local law enforcement had so much presence in here tonight you would have thought we had our own little police station. I love the fact that things were cool, no one got hurt, spat upon, vomited on. Just a couple of mild verbal barrages until the Haldol kicked in.

I also got hit on--by a woman. Oh, well, you can't have it all....

But what I love the most is that it's the start of a four day weekend!

DO YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO?

I love my job.

I love days like this when I leave work knowing I was able to help someone feel better, breathe better, get well faster, fix an issue. I love it that my job provides satisfaction on so many levels. I really though that eventually, I would burn out on nursing if I did it long enough. Not the case here.

Maybe it's because I don't allow myself to get bored. Maybe that's why I sign up to work in different areas. That way I rotate and stay fresh. It's still exciting after all these years, no matter how calm I look while I'm doing the work.

That's why I need to go back to school. I need to broaden my knowledge base. Just in case somewhere along the line it isn't fun anymore.

But in the meantime..........It's still fun. And I'm enjoying every minute of it.

ETOH

There is a societal problem when your place of residence is known as "A drinking village with a fishing problem."

There is a problem when your best selling T-shirts say, "Rehab is for quitters" and "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings."

There is a problem when over 60% of your clientele is either drunk, has a chronic illness related to their drinking, seizing because they're not drinking enough or dying of cirrhosis.

There's a big problem when the locals laugh it off and call it "Keys Disease."

Does anyone else find this to be a problem?

A LITTLE TOUGH LOVE (and it isn't even MY kid!)

I open the triage door to find a very young man being held up by the scruff of his collar. The holder is his father. The holdee can barely stand by himself. He mumbles, slurs, shuffles. Apparently he was drinking and might have taken some Xannie bars, per his father. Inside to a room he goes, half shuffling, half dragged by the collar.

I put monitors on him, take his vitals, start IV access and draw blood for lab. Talk to the parents and tell them what we're doing, what we're waiting for and what to expect. I tell the patient to leave on the EKG leads and the BP monitor, because we're going to monitor him. He's pretty incoherent and drowsy, but agreeable.

Ten minutes later, I pop my head in to do a visual inspection. He's pulled off all the monitoring equipment, pulled the IV out, is stumbling out of bed. And now VERY aggresive. I tell him to sit back down. The F-bomb barrage is profuse. I call for backup.

We explain to him nicely that he is not acting rationally and he may fall and hurt himself. He is warned that he may be restrained for his own safety. When he takes a swing at us, throws his vomit bucket at me and spits at the charge nurse, he seals his fate.

Suddenly he turns into a whining, tearful little kid crying for his mommy. All the while calling me the "bald bitch" who tied him up.

Mommy's at the bedside enabling him while he acts up and screams obscenities at me and other staff. Lovely. Dad's outside smoking, looking like he's seen it all happen before and OVER IT.

Slowly with the help of some IV fluids, he sobers up. Drug test negative. Blood alcohol in the triple digits. Attitude in the toilet.
I give him the little speech that perhaps he should TRY to be a little nicer to his caregivers if he wanted to have his restraints removed.....it slowly sank in......maybe 4 hours later, when there was no family around to listen to him whine about how UNFAIR life was........

He was finally released to his parents hours later, sober, embarassed (and I hope) lesson learned. You don't gulp down a bottle of vodka in a record amount of time. It can kill you.

Especially when you are 12 years old.


I got an apology and a hug from him when he left.

This is my first day off (my first REAL DAY OFF) in two weeks. Sunset Celebration is about to begin.....steak's on the grill, the breeze is blowing and the sun is filtering through the palm trees, kissing the day with its farewell.

It's going to be a great beach weekend. Seas are light and only a few passing clouds forecast. Tomorrow we head out at high noon for a wedding on the beach in Marathon. Verry romantic! Sunday it's out to the ocean to see what trouble we can get into.

In the meantime, the sun begins its final descent.......Have a wonderful weekend, wherever you may find yourself!

OH LUCKY DAY!

A woman is found unresponsive, passed out at a gas station between the pumps. EMS picks her up, no ID to speak of, lethargic, not making sense, wearing a bathing suit, filthy, full of grease. She alternates between being needy and hostile.

A man is found on the streets, c/o knee pain. He says he's a Secret Service agent, and that he's on a mission, which he can't talk about. EMS picks him up and he's hostile and combative throughout the trip.

A woman is found wandering naked in her apartment complex, trying to open someone else's apartment door. She forgot how many pain pills she took for her aching leg, plus she takes enough psych meds to down a small village.

A woman is brought in by EMS and the police. She states she is pregnant and has been assaulted. She says she's been pregnant since January, 2007, that Jason Taylor (Mr. Dancing with the Stars) is her babydaddy, and that the baby's hiding behind her spine, because someone hit her and the baby got scared and went into hiding. There's not a mark on her.

What do all these people have in common? They ended up with ME tonight!

Where do all these lost souls come from? Are they all here in this town? It seems we have a disproportionate amount of these running around, sleeping on the beach, walking our streets. Is it because we're the last spit of land on the continental US before you hit water?

Is it coincidental that they all traipsed in after midnight--on Friday the 13th? It's not even a full moon yet. I can hardly wait.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

DAY IN, DAY OUT

It's been a hectic week. Non-stop since the last week. I have overextended myself and I'm paying for it. My back hurts. My contacts are itchy. And I was awakened from a very sound sleep howling in pain from a leg cramp. I nearly scared my kid half to death, screaming in pain. 24 hours later, I'm still sore. And not a heating patch in sight.....

Spent the weekend sitting in class doing the CEN review. I got some perspective as to what I need to review for the test. I'm pretty prepared for it, now I just need to fine-tune the knowledge. You really don't know how much you know until someone points it out to you! Anyway, we had a good time doing it. My co-worker and I even managed to get in a little SHOPPING TIME and try out some restaurants which we don't have here in the Keys. But in the end, we were dying to get back to the islands and see some blue seas and endless water.

The ER has been slow lately. Not as slow as we would like. A lot of locals, since it's off-season. Some really sick people have been coming through. And for some reason, we're having a lot of patients going through DT's. I know that this is a drinking town with a fishing problem, but the staff is taking a beating with the alcohol issue. EVERYBODY is tired of wrestling drunks! And it's an equal opportunity drinking village, too---men, women, young and old. AA needs a bigger chapter here.

Hurricane season has officially started. Now in addition to knowing when the tides are coming in, we're all watching rainy spots and depression formations on the weather maps. They say Floridians are all amateur meteorologists. They're not kidding. Down here, we watch storm formation and start plotting paths before NOAA does. I'm just hoping it's an uneventful hurricane season. Not only do I have to worry about the house I'm in right now, but I have the house in Volusia County to worry about. That one is sitting up there unprotected. And after being hit with three sequential hurricanes in 2004, I know we can easily be in the line of fire at any moment--and I'm 7 hours away.

School is out. Nobody got hurt. The kid's ordeal is over. Onward to better things. I want to take this opportunity to thank one of her teachers, Ms. A., for all her support and understanding. You were a shining light in this little hellhole of a school. Both Dani and I appreciate you lending your moral support and your patience toward her. She told me you read the blog. I hope this message goes out loud and clear: her school year would have been absolutely intolerable without you. YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE!! MANY THANKS!!

The sun is up. It's time to sleep. Then I wake up and get to do it all over again.

Road Trip

I'm going to get a few hours sleep.........and then it's off to Palm Beach, Fl. for the CEN review!

I'll keep you posted......

Sad, creepy ER story

I met a creepy little girl today. She was the daughter of one of my patients. She couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old. Her mother came in for abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding during the second trimester, and was diagnosed with fetal demise.

Because the patient spoke no English, I was given the task of translating the bad news to her. It was awful enough to have to deliver the news to a highly emotional patient. But then, the little girl turned to her mother saying, "I told you the baby was dead. I knew the baby was dead." And kept repeating it over and over again. All the time both parents were in tears, as was the younger brother.

Very creepy. Flat voice, flat affect. I felt like telling her to SHUT THE HELL UP!

I hope she doesn't turn out to be a serial killer.

I have had it with my daughter's messy room. Clothes all over the floor, cups, the mess is AMAZING. SO IT HAS BEEN QUARANTINED.

IF IT DOESN'T GET CLEANED UP SHE GETS TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR IN THE LIVING ROOM. END OF STORY.

MALADIES IN GROUPS

Is it anyone else's experience that the stuff you see in the ER comes in little groups? A couple of acute alcohol intoxications, a couple of ovarian cysts, a couple of cases of appendicitis--all in one shift? That was the case last night. A couple of cases of cellulitis. Two lacerations--both between the fourth and fifth digits (very hard to suture up because of space constraints), a couple of insect bites, a couple of people falling off their bikes and messing their faces up. Nothing serious, nothing fancy. I can't wait for the couple of traumas to roll in the door, inconveniently spaced apart.

I missed the trauma the night before. Some guy decided to hack another guy to death with a machete. I heard it was a bloodbath. He ended up being flown out and the perp was arrested for attempted murder.

I did my good deed for the night. I was called up to the Medical floor to attempt an IV on someone whose central line had gotten infected and pulled. No IV access. Nothing to play with. Then I took a look at his foot......and there was a big JUICY vein staring up at me right in front of his malleolus. Wouldn't even need a tourniquet. The nurses looked at me like, "Can you do it there?"
I can and I did. The patient got his IV access and everyone was happy. Not exactly the strangest place to put an IV site. I remember someone telling me they put in a 16 gauge in a guy's penis once during a code. WHATEVER WORKS.......

In our down time, we played a little game of "If you could be anything but a nurse right now, what would you be?" Got responses from the staff as varied as place kicker for an NFL team, arms dealer, rock band groupie, charter boat captain. Mine was classical musician/concert cellist. Carnegie Hall, here I come...........

FREE ASSOCIATION or FLIGHT OF IDEAS?

It's already June. And boy, am I about to get busy!

As I recounted before, the PACU at my hospital (not my husband's) is a little short-staffed. So I gave them a list of available days for them to pick and choose and plug me in. THEY TOOK THEM ALL. SO......unless I'm asleep or it's a weekend, where they book no cases, I'm either in the ER or working PACU. It just kind of worked out that way. Hmmmmm.

I worked PACU yesterday. Did a wee hours of the morning shift. It was strange to get up and drive around at a time when my usual workday is dying down. But I did get to experience Keys life in the morning, which is to me the prettiest. Morning sunshine, all the trees in bloom, a riot of color. The ocean at midday has every shade of blue imaginable. Very nice. And a slow day to boot. Did some pre-ops, recovered a patient, got a hand on the paperwork. Just like riding a bike. I was even nice to my patients.

My husband and teen were happy to have me home early. My coworkers on the night shift joked about me going over to "The Light". It's just a transition. My honeymoon with night shift is slowly coming to an end. But I can say it has been a wild ride, and I'm glad I had the chance to tag along for a year. I've enjoyed it immensely. Come September, I'm back to being a mild mannered housewife/working mom/grad student with daylight hours.

This weekend I'm attending a CEN review in Palm Beach. So Friday I get to jump in the truck and haul myself up I-95 into the big bad mainland, drop the teen off in Miami with her father, and do some schooling. There will be a bunch of us from the department attending, representing Key West's finest ER nurses. We'll be the ones looking tropical.

I'm looking forward to the July 4th weekend, where once again I take an extended one. No visitors have booked yet, but there's been some interest expressed. I'm also looking forward to the end of the school year, so Little D can FINALLY get out of that idiot's playpen. We're still having HANDBAG ISSUES. Had another call from school yesterday during work, with an administrator on the other end commanding me to pick her up because her purse was a dress code violation. Again, there is a certain teacher that won't let her into class. I told them what I thought of them in ten colorful words or less and hung up. There are eight days left of school. I know I haven't heard the end of it. But then......neither has the principal, once I send her a strongly worded e-mail with a picture of the scratch the asst. principal left on my daughter's arm when she grabbed her. I am fuming. But there will be no email until I calm down. Then.......POUNCE!

Got a new one for Sunset Celebration......grilled shrimp marinated in Mesquite seasoning....SPICY! Perfect with a light Zinfandel. Or some fava beans and a nice Chianti......(love you Hannibal Lecter!)

OVERHEARD ON A CRITICAL CARE UNIT SOMEWHERE: "Is there evidence based practice on this topic, or are you just being dysfunctional and controlling?" (store that one away for future use!)

OK, enough fun for one morning. Housework, laundry and scrubbing bathrooms awaits me. Can't put it off much longer. Let's turn on the mambo music and start cleaning!


Good wishes and fairy dust from the Keys.......

MY FAVORITE PATIENTS

Another beautiful morning in the Keys. Sunny, warm, a light breeze passing through. I'm on the patio, having my coffee and blogging. Too pretty to sleep. And I'm really not that tired. Last night the ER was not that busy AGAIN. I can get used to this.

I enjoyed my work last night because a lot of my patients were of my favorite variety: the Little Old People. I really like the elderly. For some reason, I've grown to appreciate their years of experience and wisdom. I like talking to them, hearing their stories. I realize that they are in the twilight of their life, their friends and spouses passing away, like a diabolical countdown. I know that THEY know that at any moment, they could be next. As my father used to say, "Anytime after 60 you're on borrowed time." Sometimes they're just lonely and need a sympathetic ear because everyone ignores them. Our culture is not big on the veneration of elders.

My Little Old People tell me great stories. A patient tonight was telling me he was a medic in the European theatre during World War II. He witnessed history. He also knew that WWII vets were dying at a rate of over 1000 daily. He knows he's in countdown mode. I made sure he knew it wasn't going to happen tonight.

Maybe because I was raised without grandparents, I tend to truly appreciate the time I spend with Little Old People. I met both my grandmothers in my late teens. By that time, the granddads were dead. Unfortunately, those were the circumstances then. Communism had a way of separating families, and mine was no exception. So I had to make up for lost time. I had a wonderful grandmother, however, who welcomed me in, even though she never held me as a baby, or saw me grow up. She was a tough old bird with everyone, except me. And she lived to be a ripe old age, over 100, so I did get to spend time with her and listen to her stories.

My Little Old People make me realize that it's scary getting old, losing your health and your faculties. It's frustrating when your body fails you. It's even worse when your body fails you, but you mind is crystal clear and still 21 years old. We're going to get there soon enough, and if you've noticed, the older you get, the faster time seems to fly. They have also taught me that they, too danced and loved, suffered losses and still came out standing up.

So in between the drug-seekers, the drunks, the broken ankles and the endless complaints of belly pain, there is a little oasis. It's one of my Little Old People, who needs a little more care, a pinch of patience and a friendly smile. Someone who walks a little slower, needs to be handled a little bit more delicately. Someone who calls you a "pretty girl" when you haven't been a girl in years. That will be us someday.

I'll just say one word: KARMA.

THE KING OF THE GRILL

I'm going to end up needing a gastric bypass. And it's all my husband's fault.

It seems that living here has brought out the inner Emeril in him. All he does is cook, grill and create goodies for all to enjoy. I mean, he always cooked before. I've always been the lucky wife who had dinner waiting for her when she got home, usually because his work schedule allowed him to come home, nap, work out and start dinner. But now he's OUT OF CONTROL!

Maybe it's because we're more relaxed. Our day just stretches out here. We have time to sit in the patio and watch the sun go down. Have a little wine while he grills up the perfect steak. Enjoy the sunset while the shrimp is marinating in pesto sauce. Just sit and talk about our day. Find a new way to cook up that fresh fish he caught.

And he's not content with just feeding me. He cooks for the people at work, too. He's taken not only our leftovers, but ribs, black beans and rice, fried plantains of every variety. He's fattening everybody up in his radius. Maybe we can get a group rate on that bypass.

He's expressed, more than once, the desire to go to cooking school. I personally think he doesn't need to. He's doing enough damage without being formally trained. My goodness, just keep him out of the Food and Wine magazine stash!

Papi, as long as you love me when I'm fat, you can keep feeding me. There will just be more to love.......

I AM not a tourist................I LIVE HERE! part deux

PICNIC ISLAND




It was a WONDERFUL holiday weekend.


We had weekend guests, which is not unusual when you live in a place where people pay serious money to come and play here. We love it when the house is full, the grill is on, the boat's ready to take us and the sunburn isn't too painful afterwards. My sister came for the weekend, and we had a relaxing, cozy time of it. It was nice to just kick back and relax, not worry about work and hairdo's or alarm clocks going off. We went out on the boat, found us a piece of paradise and did the obligatory hanging out in the water. Even the teens managed to have a good time, tanning and swimming and listening to "tunes". All in all, very relaxing. We should all do it again.

I happened to work Saturday night while my guests were here, something I didn't plan on, but hey, there it was on the schedule, so off I go! I was on the tail end of a head cold, and by Saturday night, my sinuses were clear, but my voice was shot. I sounded like Girl 6 from a phone sex company at my best, a faint whisper at my worst. Most of my coworkers are at different phases of this shared malady. We even have group nebulizer sessions. Try to triage chatty people when you can't talk! Fun! I can say it now because the weekend is over: We had a QUIET couple of shifts, considering it was a holiday weekend. Even managed to get a movie and a nap in on Saturday. Nap was interrupted by an unresponsive guy in respiratory arrest beside his car in the hospital parking lot at 4AM, but hell, if I have to wake up, that's what I want to wake up for!

Sunday's visit to Bahia Honda was cut short in the late afternoon by a fast moving storm. We had to hightail it across the ocean for several miles in order to outrun the storm. Not fun, especially since the waves were whitecapping, the wind had picked up and there was thunder in the distance. Definitely did not want to get caught up in THAT out there! We made it home OK, nobody got seasick and then it poured! I hadn't seen a tropical downpour like that in months! The patio upstairs got flooded, thunder and lightning all over the place, and flying coconuts and palm fronds. Effectively it grounded us for the rest of the night. Of course, I missed it. I went down for a "nap". Nobody woke me until the next day.

Monday was breezy, sunny at times, and beautiful! Because of the wind and the choppy water, we stayed within the reef, just boating over to Picnic Island, which is a small beachhead just off of our island. Parked the boat, jumped in, walked around, got some sun, and left before it got too crowded. The day was just absolutely perfect, content to sit on the patio and enjoy the breeze. Too bad my sister had to leave. She called when she got home. It took her nearly 6 hours to get home, and it's only a 3 hour trip, due to holiday traffic up the Keys.

On the work end of things, June just got pretty busy. PACU just picked up ALL my daylight hours! In the meantime, I wait for my transfer to the other hospital. That just means I work hard all of June, and relax for the rest of the summer without worries.....


Little D is amazingly tanned. Big D looks like he fishes for a living. I am glowing. Thank you Hawaiian Tropic! I'm glad we live here. This is life for us year-round. No worries, mon! So my friends, you know....the invitation is always open.....come to the Keys.....no shoes, no shirt, no PROBLEM......

AND YOUR POINT IS.....?

It's 2am on Saturday morning. It's the start of the Memorial Day holiday and the ER is eerily tranquil. I hesitate to use the "Q" word because we all know what happens when you say it. All HELL breaks loose. Other than a lot of little kids with runny noses, rashes and a couple of ankle injuries earlier in the evening, the place is dead.

I fielded an interesting phone call this evening. A woman calls and tells me her husband has fallen out of bed, and she doesn't know what to do. After ascertaining that he's alive, hasn't lost consciousness, no seizure activity involved, he's breathing, I ask, "So what is it that you need?" She just wanted to know what to do with him! Lady, tell him to get up and get back in bed! And if he can't, call Rescue! What am I supposed to do from HERE?

YOU GOTTA LAUGH......at the amazing lack of common sense.

One more night of work and the weekend is mine to enjoy. I have family in for the weekend, so it should be interesting having a posse of teens under one roof.

Enjoy the holiday weekend safely. Don't let me see you in MY ER!

i am not a tourist................I LIVE HERE!

It's hot. REALLY HOT!!! I guess the summer is starting to creep up on the Keys.

Even the breeze through the palm trees does nothing to alleviate the heat. Only after 6PM, when the sun starts to descend through the palm trees does the patio start to cool down enough to sit outside for dinner. After 6, you can open the car windows and let the breeze blow in without being baked. And at night, it's absolute heaven, warm and balmy. Perfectly tropical.

When I got here last August, I thought I was going to die. It was raining down fire from the heavens. You couldn't be outside more than ten minutes before you were soaked in sweat, dizzy and ready for a cold shower.....and I'd rather have a kidney stone than a cold shower. Imagine moving into an elevated house (stilts downstairs, living quarters upstairs) in that heat! All I wanted to do was jump in the canal out back. Then I saw the baby barracuda......

The baby barracuda is all grown up now. Must be at least five feet long. He hangs out beside the boat in the morning and in the evening. I can see him from the porch upstairs. I guess he likes it there because my husband FEEDS him every day, him and the snapper that live under the dock. He's religious about feeding the fish leftover rice, bread, bagels. One day, Papi dearest, you're going to become someone's lunch....since you insist on swimming in the canal!

The water is absolutely awesome now. Every shade imaginable of blue, green and turquoise. Crystal clear to see the depths underneath. Imagine being in 50 feet of water and looking down to the coral heads beneath as if you could touch them. When we cruise on the boat, we see rays shuttling about, loggerhead turtles skimming the surface with that funny lopsided swimming pattern, the silver glimmer of fish. I love it when you're swiming in shallow water and you see the great schools of baitfish like a dark swirling cloud around you, changing speed and direction. Plus, no JELLYFISH! Swim without fear of pain....it's a wonderful thing.

I lived oceanfront in Daytona Beach for a year, up on the 21st. floor. The ocean view was incredible, too, but different. As much as I love Daytona Beach for its wide sandy beaches and its incredible sunrises over the water, the Keys are a world apart. And to think......I actually LIVE HERE!

The tourists don't know what they're missing. And I'm not going to tell them either....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUMBY!

Happy birthday to my dearest Bumby! Today you are four years old. Not the same hyper puppy that arrived with Dani that summer afternoon, all legs and nose, with those big eyes taking in her new environment. You're all grown up into the big girl of the house, my little shadow, so devoted to her mommy. You follow me everywhere, even if I'm just running around in circles. You never get tired of jumping on my lap, or sleeping at my feet or just LOVING ME. That's why I love you, Bumby. Because behind the protective bark, the possessive paw on my lap, the howls of joy when I get home, I feel the love. Mommy's always going to love you. Even when you're not on your best behavior.

Now, go enjoy your cupcake. And again Happy Birthday and thanks for the joy you bring to my life.

BACK TO ACADEMIA

I've decided to go back to school. It's been a long time coming. Mind you, I have in the past put my toes in the pond of higher education. But it's been 18 years (GASP!) since I've been in school. I'm getting older and my brain isn't what it used to be. More forgetful, more things to juggle. But it's time. And no matter what anyone says, only YOU know when it's time.

But there's a problem. I am geographically undesirable. I live in the middle of nowhere. I can't afford the time and travel to go to Miami, where there are a million programs available. I have to do it here, between shifts, between dealing with house, husband, work and teen. And that severely limits me. Or does it?

I've been looking around and doing some serious research. As much as I'd like to be in a regular program, I can't just haul off right now. We just GOT HERE. And now when I'm starting to get the groove of this place, I don't want to leave. I admit it, life here is just toooo stress-free to just give up like that. So where does that leave my options?

Thank God for online programs!! I have many colleagues who swear by this! Classes on your own time, on your own schedule. At home in my flamingo jammies. No commuting (not a bad deal with the price of gas) and the opportunity to get your degree even if you live in Timbuktu. So I made the appropriate phone calls, filled out the paperwork and VOILA! I'm ready for school.

The program I have chosen is a dual MSN-MHA. Master's of Nursing and Master's in Health Administration. Three extra classes gets me the dual masters. One class every eight weeks. Just a little over 2 years worth of work. And after that, perhaps a certificate programs to complete coursework for ARNP licensure.

My little venture into academia hopefully will have ramifications. It may motivate my daughter to pay more attention to her studies. A little mother-daughter study hall, maybe? It may get her back on track academically if she has an EXAMPLE. And a realistic example that studying DOES get you somewhere. Because right now, she's so down on school.

What do I want out of this? I don't expect more marketability. I know I am marketable. I just want more options in the future. Maybe a different path. I don't want to do the same thing forever. Maybe teach again. Who knows.....

It's time. This summer is prep time. Take the CCRN and CEN. Get that over with. Then we dive head first into the world of higher education!

I think my complaints about being bored are about to end......

Have you ever been on the Seven Mile Bridge? It's an experience not to be forgotten. It is long, entirely over water for its entire span, and only 2 lanes. It was replaced from the original bridge span in the early 1980's and widened, but it's still only 2 lanes. The original bridge is still there, with big chunks taken out for sailboat access. Part of it is being used for pedestrian traffic. The other half has structural damage.

I get a kick out of going on the bridge. In the daytime the water view is incredible. At night you are surrounded by blackness and that sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize there is nothing beside you.....only water and it's a long way down!

Yesterday I went UNDER the bridge for the first time. In the boat. I looked at all of those pylons holding up a massive bridge in the middle of the ocean. It takes your breath away. When you realize this bridge was built in 1909 without modern construction technology, you gain a new respect for the labor put into it.

Also, we got pulled over yesterday by the Coast Guard for a "routine" inspection. Nothing special, just checking for registration, life vests, flares, etc. We passed. No illegal migrants hidden in the hold!

The beach was perfect as usual. My tan gets better by the day. And Sunset Celebration begins in 1 hour. Shrimp are on ice, as is the champagne. The perfect end to the weekend.

I just need to lure Papi away from Boston-Cleveland basketball game. Somehow.....


Oh well. Bumby likes shrimp and champagne too!

At last......

Here I am at 0550. I'm at work. The traffic in the ER has finally subsided.

We've had steady, uneventful traffic all night. Sore throats, flu symptoms, croupy kids. A couple of inebriates. Lots of Cuban coffee to keep us on our toes. It's been a rough couple of days. Just the luck of the draw. Even our favorite ER doc couldn't end the run. Usually depend on him to give us a good night. Treat 'em and street 'em is the name of the game.

Oh well....

I'm not going home to sleep today. I'm going out to my private island to enjoy the day. I'll sleep in the inflatable liferaft tethered to the boat. If the current gets me, I might be in Havana by tonight. This tan is too good to lose....I'm on a roll.

From our little corner of the world, signing out....have a great weekend, wherever you may find yourself.

FROM what ROCK DID THEY ALL CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER?

What a crappy night!!

I'm sooo tired I'll blog about it---tomorrow!

Even our ER physician said he didn't want to work with us anymore.

I'll tell you later.....I'm digging out the Advil for my feet and my pillow is calling me. I swear if the dog barks today, she'll sleep with the fishes.

XOXOXO

UNEVENTFUL DAYS

Here I am on the patio again, enjoying the morning cafecito. Dan's off to work, Little D off to school. Just me, Bumby and the cat and THE BLOG.......PARADISE!!

My day in PACU was anything but uneventful. After a little tour of the place, and and a look-see at the paperwork, I took a patient. Just to get my feet wet. A little case, but the patient started to crash, with bleeding and unstable VS. Suddenly I was hanging fluids, calling anesthesia and getting a dopamine drip ready. Labs, type and cross for blood, fighting a raging fever and getting ready to transfer to ICU. My preceptor made a comment in passing, "I guess I'll sign off your orientation sheet." One of our hospitalists came in to write medical orders to admit, saw me there and declared, "So tell me, WHERE don't you work?" He's used to seeing me either in the ER or ICU. I don't deliver babies. YET.

Just another day in the PACU! SO MUCH FOR UNEVENTFUL!

All they wanted to know was "Are you coming back?" OF COURSE!!

Tonight it's back to the ER for my regular 3 shifts. Hopefully my sunburn will die down by this weekend and we can hit the water again. It's supposed to be beautiful again. And YES I will try some new sunscreen, something in the SPF 100 category if it exists.

I've got things coming up I need to study for. I'm going for the gold: I'm going to take the CEN and the CCRN exams soon. I'm fairly ready for the CCRN. The CEN I'm going to take a review class in June. Which entails a little trip to Palm Beach, Florida for the weekend with some coworkers. I want to get these out of the way before I start school. Mind you, I haven't even chosen a Master's program YET. But I'm looking. Comparing. Ready to take the leap. I can't have fun all the time.

In the meantime, I sit and enjoy the sunshine and the breeze.

PACU RIDES AGAIN

So much for the six day weekend----I'm going to work in PACU today!


After a 9 month absence from my true love in life, I'm going to finally orient in PACU at the hospital. They're finally short enough to need outside help, and some of the staff members asked me to speak to the manager and see about helping them out. I did, and HERE I GO!

I love PACU. And it's not because it's the specialty that I've been doing for so long. It's just that I love all aspects of it--waking the patients, working with anesthesiologists, the pain management, the critical care aspect of stabilizing after surgery, the constant flow of patients in and out of the unit, the dwindling down of the surgery schedule until they're all done.

At the same time, it offers some daytime working hours, which my family has been begging me to work for months. Apparently, MOM is MISSED at night! I guess I still need to tuck you people in and read you a bedtime story, no matter how old you are! (Both BIG DAN and little dan and Bumby, who sleeps at my feet).


Mind you, I'm not abandoning the ER. I'm still there 3 nights a week. Still enjoying the madness. And as for the PACU position at Dan's hospital, the powers that be are still working out the details regarding what to do with me, my contract and my transfer. But in the meantime, life goes on, and I get to work. I'm in no hurry. It all works out.

Just when I thought my overtime was OUT, they drag me IN again!!

I'm THRILLED. I LOVE MY PROFESSION!!

KEY WEST ROOSTERS, BEWARE!

No matter how long I've been in this country, no matter what language I speak flawlessly, no matter what community, city or state I live in, deep down inside, one thing holds true: I'm just a Cuban girl at heart. The culture of my ancestors, my family, my homeland permeates me in ways only I realize, not others around me. Sometimes I give little glimpses to the world. Mostly I laugh at the things that pop into my head that would mean absolutely nothing to John Doe on the street, but would crack up another Cuban if I said it out loud.

Case in point: LA CIRIMBA.

La CIRIMBA is a fainting spell, Cuban-style. (And it sounds funny when you say it.) Accompanied by yells, screams, rolling of eyes, hankies smelling of rubbing alcohol. They usually happen to females, and usually at funerals or when receiving bad news. And if you're painting a picture of delicate Victorian ladies with their vapors and fainting couches, DON'T. This is more in line with demonic possession. The term "hysterical latin female" certainly has a precedent.

A patient arrives in triage, complaining of generalized abdominal pain. He is in enough pain where he is sweating, can barely answer questions or sit still. I'm trying to get a blood pressure to get him inside quickly when, BOOM! he slides to the floor unresponsive. All 275 pounds of him. His wife starts to scream, his teenage kid starts yelling and banging his head against the wall. YEP! Guess where they're from?

I call for help and it takes four hefty guys and myself to pick him up and get him on a stretcher. Rush to the trauma room, followed by IV insertion, EKG, neuro exam and insertion of a LARGE Foley catheter. No response, including the catheter. I'm starting to panic and think I missed SOMETHING and didn't act quickly enough. While on the way to get a CT scan of his head, I give him a hearty sternal massage, and finally he opens his eyes and says, "What did you give me?"

"What......I didn't give you anything. Do you remember what happened to you?" And more important, "How is your pain"?

He responds, "What pain? I don't have any pain now. What did you give me?"

I slowly come to the realization that I have just witnessed a CIRIMBA. A Cuban male version of the CIRIMBA.


And BOY, do I feel stupid.

He checked out completely normal. Not a lab value out of place, an EKG from the normal textbook version, not even altered vital signs throughout the whole episode. And NO PAIN WHATSOEVER. AT ALL. He went home the same night, thankful that I took care of his pain (must have been the chicken I sacrificed to the Santeria gods the night before to sanctify the atmosphere in the ER, or something like that).

(Note to PETA MEMBERS: I don't always sacrifice chickens to clear the air in the ER. I sometimes wave my magic wand or shake holy water, or hang the little rubber hen with the red ribbon attached to her neck). You had to be Cuban to get that.

WEEKEND TALES

Things I did on the weekend:


Started the ball rolling with a Friday Sunset Celebration. That's where we sit on the patio, eat huge Key West pink shrimps and have a glass of champagne. We celebrate the end of the work week together, watch the sun go down and set the tone for the weekend.

Saturday, out on the boat to the beach. Again, our little beachhead in the middle of nowhere is pristine, rarely crowded and crystal clear. The water is perfect, the breeze cooling and we drop anchor, bring out the beach chair, a few Coronas and MORE shrimp ( you can never have too much fresh shrimp lying around......).

We even managed to make our own Corona advertisements!

Mother's Day has started with a gourmet breakfast by my wonderful husband, who's going to cook me into a gastric bypass someday. A few phone calls, emails and general catching up with the real world. Lots of water and a little Advil to help with the sunburn since SPF 45 isn't doing its job anymore. And of course, catching up with the blog while sitting in the patio with.......what else? MORE SHRIMP!! I feel like Bubba from Forrest Gump!

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to all from Paradise!!

PS: notice no mention of cleaning? I am PROCRASTINATING. And loving it!

HAPPY FRIDAY

Another 5 day weekend beckons before me.


What to do, what to do...........


Anyway, HAPPY FRIDAY TO ALL and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to those lucky enough to have experienced the joys of bringing little creatures into this world. Because we all know that

RAISING A CHILD IS LIKE BEING PECKED TO DEATH BY A CHICKEN

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

When you live in a small town like this, you get to know the regulars. Especially the psychiatric regulars. Most are your garden-variety depressives and substance abusers, but occasionally you get the REAL ONES. The psychotic, paranoid schizophrenic, the catatonic ones, the ones who smear themselves in excrement and pray in the streets. You know those by name. And apparently, so do the other mental health providers from Key West to Miami.

We get a regular in the other night. He was passed out in the middle of the street. When the police came to move him along, he brandished a knife and threatened to kill himself. Bought himself a Baker Act. The local intake deferred his admission to the Baker Act facility up the islands. I suspect his name had something to do with it. So I called to check on bed availability. Much hemming and hawing once they learned his name. I was on hold for eternity. Took a second call from the supervisor to even get permission to fax info.

Two hours later, they call back and request additional repeat labs. Ok, done deal. I draw blood, send it, fax results over.

I get a curious phone call. The charge nurse wants to know if we are going to correct his K+. It was 3.3, down from 3.4. I wouldn't even give you a banana for such critical figures. I tell her NO, because the ER doc has signed off on him and anyway, he didn't order the labs, the receiving facility did. This is what I get in response:

"ARE YOU AN RN? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT BECAUSE THIS IS A PSYCH PATIENT, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TREAT THEM MEDICALLY? IS IT BECAUSE THEY'RE LESS IMPORTANT?"

My response was:

"I don't have an order to treat. I didn't have an order to redo labs, but I did you a favor. This has nothing to do with being a psych patient. This is not a critical value. NOW ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A BED OR ARE YOU GOING TO DICK ME AROUND ALL NIGHT BEFORE TELLING ME YOU WON'T TAKE THE PATIENT? LET ME KNOW NOW SO I CAN START CALLING OTHER FACILITIES."

The patient was transferred in 15 minutes.

Karma

I held a man's hand the other day while he died.

It's not the first time I had seen someone die. It was the first time in a long time, though. And somehow it affected me more than any of the other times I had done it.

I held his hand as I watched life trickle out of his eyes.

I said a prayer for him and urged him to go to the light.

My first reaction was to save him. Resuscitate him. That's what brought me to him in the first place. I was in the middle of report at 7AM in the ICU. I was sitting near the telemetry monitors when suddenly this textbook example of Torsades comes through, setting off the alarms. Instead of calling the floor, I ran over to his room within seconds, calling to his nurse to join me. Checked for pulses: present, then gone. As we were fixing to put his bed down and start CPR, someone called out: "He's a DNR!!"

DNR: Do not resuscitate. Let me go in peace. Don't let me die with a thousand people at my bedside, banging on my chest, starting IV lines, jamming a tube down my throat. Let me die with dignity.

I held your hand, and said a prayer. Your nurse encouraged you to go in peace. Life slipped from you slowly, with a few agonal breaths. And I closed your eyes.

Incidentally, later on I found out this was the same person we coded weeks before in the ICU and successfully brought back. I was working that code, too.

My father is a DNR. And when it happens, I hope someone is there to hold his hand and urge him to go to the light....

I say a prayer and light a candle for your soul, sir. Because you and I came full circle. I won't forget you.

DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT?

EMS brings us a patient: twenty-something male, c/o chest pain, dizziness, mild nausea, mild SOB. Turns white when we take blood, and green when we start an IV. Asks us if the EKG will hurt. He's hot, he's cold. He can't really say where his chest pain is. He complains that the CXR plate is cold. Asks if someone can call his mommy and let her know what's going on.

I go to the drug machine to get some meds for him. I wasn't sure of the spelling of his name. I ask the charge nurse, who's at the board to spell the name for me.

"M-A-N-G-I-N-A"

I asked him to spell it again, not getting it.

"M-A-N-G-I-N-A"


Ok. I GOT IT.

It was hard to keep a straight face with him after that.

BUT AM I HAVING MORE FUN?

IT'S OFFICIAL..................I AM NOW A BLONDE!

Ok, so I might regret it several days up ahead, when my hairdresser is out of town, and something resembling an infestation of black fleas can be observed on my scalp. But as soon as that plastic cap came off and the purple stuff washed out of my hair, I knew......I'M A BLONDE! A silky, pixen-haired blonde babe wannabe. A little Mother's Day present for myself. A little makeup, some red lipstick and PRESTO! INSTANT LIFT!

I'm not frivolous. I'm just bored. I'm eating too much, have too much literally on my plate. I'm at a crossroads in my life. And since I can't seem to do anything right for certain people these days, perhaps I'll start pleasing ME for a change! Starting with the hair. And the hats. And the red toenails. I know who I am. A middle-aged mom who really doesn't care about impressing anyone with anything except her brain, her nursing skills and her work ethic. If nobody gives me the once-over ever again, big deal. I'm past the age and mentality where you constantly need approval to validate yourself.

But if you like the new blond, give the old broad a break. TELL HER!

SAY HELLO TO THE BAD GUY!

JUST another day in the life of a loving wife and mother.

MOMMY LOVES YOU. NOW DON'T MESS WITH ME!!!!

Let's do a little digging.........

Many years ago I heard a joke about marriage that was a bit shocking in its cynicism. It went something like this:

At the beginning of a marriage, sex happens anytime/anywhere: Halls, bathroom, kitchen, bedroom. After things cool down, it gets regularly scheduled in the bedroom, with an occasional foray into the kitchen and bathroom. Toward the end of the marriage, the sex becomes the "F**K YOU" you utter to each other as you pass them in the hall, bathroom, kitchen or bedroom.

Interesting concept, I was thinking about while getting my nursing paperwork in order last night. When I began to get ready to do travel assignments, I filled out a bazillion applications and reference sheets, then proceeded to notify the people I was to use for references that they MIGHT have a reference request coming their way. Oh, did they ever!! My undying gratitude to Fe, Kathy and Silvia, who probably needed a personal assistant to handle the influx of correspondence.

My point is, MY REFERENCES WERE CHECKED. And probably rechecked, cross-matched and fed into the FBI database to make sure I wasn't some nutcase, serial killing, drug-diverting loose cannon with a nursing license. These companies went the extra mile to make sure that I was the RIGHT person for the TEMPORARY job they wanted to fill. Such thoroughness stuck in my mind. Now, do we check this much when we make a permanent commitment in marriage?

We meet, we fall in love, we get to know each other, we make plans. But how much do we check? Other than observing behavior and relying on our friends and family to give an opinion, HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE? Did you get a background check? Too cold and clinical for some. Do you trust your friends' opinions? Your parents' opinion. Their parents' opinion. Did you have lunch with his ex?

Probably none of the above. And you are about to make the ultimate commitment. The person you wish to (and expect to) spend the rest of your life with, share the raising of your children with, buy real estate with, hope to share good and bad experiences in sickness and in health. How do you know that this person, who probably looks good if you were to print their attributes on a resume, maybe looks too good to be real?

Marriage is hard work in itself. People grow and change, and sometimes in different directions. Many times it is difficult to reconcile personal growth and keep a union together. Change is a necessary, but unsettling agent. How an individual accepts and reacts to change is really important as a predictor of future behavior. How they deal with stress, money, family problems, responsibility, obnoxious noises and small animals. All tell-tale signs of the future to come.

So, back to the references issues, how much DO WE REALLY KNOW? Or is it a case of HOW MUCH DO WE REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

You can ask your friends' opinions. Maybe they are the type of people who don't have a lick of sense, or don't have your best interests in mind. Same for his friends. Parents are iffy, too. What if you have a sane parent who gives you a bad reference or a crazy parent that gives you a good reference? My vote is on the EX. If anyone can give you an unvarnished opinion, this is the person to do it. Good, bad or indifferent, this is a person who was in the trenches, and can give you the real insight into the big picture (or the small one). Remember what is at stake here. Plus, wouldn't you jump at the chance to sit before the ex in a public place and be forced to be civil to one another?

Do you want to marry Mr. or Ms. Perfect (no references checked) and then see them turn into boiling pots of crap when you differ on child care philosophy? Or worse, have to share custody with them? Do you want to hitch your wagon to Mr. I'm-nice-to-little-old-ladies-and-small-animals, when in private he treats you like you are subhuman chattel? Do you question other's motives when they tell you to RUN like hell in another direction from Ms. Perfect? Do you even bother to ask?

And let's not even touch the I CAN FIX IT situation. Fuggettaboutit! You can't fix it. What you don't mind now, will be the 800 pound gorilla later on. Again, how much do you check out? Do you really want to deal with someone with anger issues? A jealous spouse who tracks your every phone call, business or otherwise? Would you hire someone that has a problem keeping his pants on at work? Or has issues with authority and alienates, rather than unifies your work environment? Is it a judgement call? Yes. Now it's a matter of using good or bad judgement.

Hypothetically, we should find a life partner, plan a future and go from there. Nothing is that simple. But how many times have you heard, "yeah I saw it coming. The signs were there." When bad things happen, things become oh-so-clear. Maybe if we treat it like a job search, you might see things in black and white you might have missed otherwise.

Partnering is an ever-present tightrope walk on high heels. You work and compromise, and sometimes you overlook bad things, because in the end the sum is more than the total of the parts. But when the stuff you were indifferent to starts hitting you in the face again and again, when things are more mediocre than good, or when your answer to bad behavior is just ignoring it altogether, you're slipping into trouble. You can apply these principles both in the workplace and at home. And when you're leaning more toward "leave it" on the TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT scale, you know things are about to crash. Loud or silent, it's just a matter of time.

In any case, give my regards to your spouse as you pass them in the hall.

PS I LOVE YOU BUMBY!

ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES......

FOR LLAMA LOVERS EVERYWHERE-LLAMA LLAMA duck!





YES I KNOW........night shift is affecting my brain.

woof WOOF woof WOOF woof woof

In my dreams, my BUMBY is being stalked by the Killer Flamingos.




I'm awake. I'M AWAKE! IT'S TOO PRETTY OUTSIDE TO BE SLEEPING!!!!

So after a less than busy 12 hour night shift in the ER on Saturday night, I get home, have coffee on the porch with Papi, read the paper, pet the dog. Finally get to sleep at about 10AM, all the while thinking, "What a beautifiul day outside." Well, that planted the seed that woke me up early. Instead of at least 6 hours of restful sleep, I have to survive with 4.5 hours. I hope we have another decent night tonight. Dr. Skittles, work your magic! That's OK.....I'll sleep tomorrow or the next day or when I'm dead.

No good ER stories, kids......just mundane stuff involving jaundice, Kayexelate, chest tubes and the consensus that we'd rather work at McDonald's pushing fries than be psych nurses. Oh, and we're trying to get a group together to take a stripper-pole exercise class in Key West. Just the girls, good fun, and a workout to boot. Plus we have 2 poles outside the ER where the ambulance entrance is (it holds up the canopy) so we can practice when we're not busy. You think we'll get any gawkers?

"HEY LOOK!! POLE-DANCING ER NURSES!!"

My co-workers are starting to read my blog. Thanks for all the positive comments. Sometimes it is easier to write than it is to talk to the dog. She loves me, but it's a lot of unconditional, supportive silence, punctured by the occasional yippy bark. Otherwise, not much feedback. This all started as a vent for a rocky adjustment to a new place, and it has blossomed into.....something more. The Chronicles of Mojitogirl.

On a different note, I've been speaking to other RN's and they touch upon the same topic: BURNOUT. Frankly, on a very human level, I truly feel bad for ANY person who does not find enjoyment, inspiration and wonder in their chosen profession. Yes, nursing is hard, but at the same time. there is SO MUCH LATITUDE. Don't like this specialty? Try another. Don't like working staff? Work agency. Hate the hospital scene? Work home health, school, hospice, office. Don't like your town? Go travel. Work days. Work nights. Work only weekends. Work bedside, or work office. Have the intestinal fortitude? Be a manager.

But burnout is like depression. You feel like you have no options. NO WAY OUT. That is what happens when you've done ONE thing for too long. You truly feel like the whole profession is going to be more of the same. It's not. Sometimes a mere change of scenery is the jump-start you need to keep things fresh. I am a great believer in not being unhappy, especially at work. You hate your job situation? CHANGE IT! Take matters into your own hands. Only you can effect change. Nobody's promising it will be easy, but you never know until you try.

And I want to send a great big HELLO to the staff in PACU at Halifax Medical Center in Daytona Beach. Ladies, you have no idea how much you are missed. Need I tell you again, you are a talented, compassionate bunch, as well as a great team. It was a privilege working with you all, and you are greatly missed. It was probably the most labor-intensive, critical acuity department I have ever worked, but the experience was unforgettable, as you all are. This also extends to the surgeons and the anesthesiologists. Dr. Harrington and Dr. Fabio, I miss your trauma train wrecks. Sharpies and dopplers just aren't the same without you! How have I managed to live without stab wounds, mangled bellies and fem-fem bypasses for all this time?

Please keep in touch, since it looks like I'm not going anywhere near home anytime soon. I keep a little piece of Volusia in my heart, and you are all there.

HOT OFF THE WIRE........

LATE BREAKING NEWS:


ALL CONTRACT PERSONNEL WILL REMAIN STATUS QUO EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. CONTRACTS WILL BE UP FOR EVALUATION IN JANUARY 2009 TO SEE IF THEY NEED TO MAKE ANY CHANGES IN POLICY.



yeah yeah..................................VICTORY!!!!!!!


Happy Friday to all-it's time to CELEBRATE!

THE SAD STATE OF PUBLIC EDUCATION IN THE FLORIDA KEYS

My daughter is smart. REALLY SMART. She reads like crazy, always having a stack of books at bedside. She's curious, always eager to learn something new from whatever source. She's got a vocabulary to beat any college student. She's been in the Gifted program since first grade. So why is she failing?

Because she HATES her school, most of her teachers and the administrators who hound her like a criminal. Since DAY ONE, she was branded as a troublemaker. It all began with her purse. It was TOO BIG, in their opinion. Not a backpack, mind you, where you could put away books and toiletries, but a purse. Arbiters of fashion that they are, they decided her purse was unacceptable, and certain teachers would argue with her and refuse her admission into class unless she put it in her locker. They cited security issues. What, she's got an AK-47 in there? Don't they know the most lethal of weapons is in daily use in school anyway? IT'S A PENCIL.......nicely sharpened.

It all snowballed from there when I wouldn't back them up on it.

I can't believe that anyone, much less a teacher would waste precious academic time and alienate a student for stupidity like this. Not only did they diminish themselves in my eyes and hers, they soured her on the learning experience as well. And this is not the only occurrence, either. Having been a teacher myself, I know about the school grapevine among teachers. The gossip rolls, and suddenly every one of her teachers is on guard for the "bad student." She even quit the cheerleading squad over this.

I didn't just sit back. I fired off a strongly worded email to everyone from the teacher in question up the chain of command, including the superintendent of schools and the local newspaper. They repeatedly ignored my requests to be called at hours I'm awake, since I work nights. They insisted on calling me every day around 10am for weeks on end. I finally showed up at school and met with the administrators to tell them I'd be happy to call them at 3am every day for a month and see if they'd appreciate it.

They've stopped calling me because I told them, in very plain language, not to bother me with bullshit.

So now, I've got an angry kid on my hands who thinks school is stupid and has just given up, because she knows her teache