HIGH AND DRY ONCE MORE

SORRY ABOUT the delay in posting. The hurricane scare is over, the wind and rain have died down and the MOJO has been heavily involved in that favorite American pastime: ORGANIZING HER HOUSEHOLD. That being in addition to starting a new job, coordinating school/bus/cheerleading practice for the TeenQueen, making dinner, doing tons of laundry and collapsing exhausted in bed, only to do it ALL over again a few hours later! My feet scream bloody murder, I'm out of Advil, and if I have to climb another flight of stairss (I have 3 stories!) I'm just going to crumple in place.

But otherwise, life is good.

Work, as predicted, is underwhelming. A nice, friendly environment to work in, very cute and cozy and above all, A SAFE WORKING ENVIRONMENT. No charging psychos or drunks. We had a little incident the last week I worked in the ER in which an MD had a part of his anatomy bitten off by a patient while RIGHT THERE in the unit. I kid you not. And then the patient swallowed said piece of anatomy and they were unable to reattach it. He would have made Hannibal Lecter proud. It's not even funny because he was MY patient a few nights before and that could have been any one of us!

I used to rant about scorpions when I moved here. I haven't seen a scorpion yet in Marathon, but there's a new little ugly creature that pops up everywhere and torments me to no end: the crabs. Big orange crabs that pop out of everywhere, can slide under your door and only live to hound me. As you can guess, I don't like them. Terrified is more like it. And they're EVERYWHERE!!

Switching to day shift is not a piece of cake after a year of night shift. By 4pm I'm tired. By 7pm I'm a zombie. I guess I'll adjust.

I walked home today. It took 5 minutes. It was great. If it weren't 90 degrees outside, I'd probably do it more often.

So such is life these days. I must give you the lowdown on those last ER days, as soon as my house is in order. But no, we haven't blown away. We just haven't had the time to gaze at the sunset lately. But tomorrow is Friday and the weekend begins....

Hi everyone ! (: (Sorry Mom)

This would be the so called "Teen Queen" my mom always seems to mention.
she left her blog page up, and me being the mischievous one i am....i decided to put up a post of my own! mwahahahahha.

So, since i dont really know what to write about, I'll just tell you that my mom is secretly freaking out about this hurricane thing, but me and pops are chillin' throughout the whole thing, we've already been outside exploring :).

But NOOO, mom just sits inside and cleans (she does that when shes mad or nervous, in this case...nervous).
I keep telling her thats its not even that big of a deal, its wind & rain combined .... strongly; and that its not gonna get any worse [knocks on wood].

So i guess you've all heard about our new house huh? its really nice, i actually like it alot. my room is a good enough size for me, and THERES NO WHITE WALLS! :D You dont understand how much white walls irk me -.-

So my mom has trapped me in this big house in this new town and for what? to clean. She claims im grounded for life, but we all know Mommy loves me too much to do that to her one and only (i hope) loving daughter. Yeah, im excited for school. Thats really weird, because normally im not very...school-friendly. Im sure youve already read about the sad state of public education here in the keys. But i'm hoping this is a different story.

So yeah...anyways, im bored now. Not really, i could sit here and write forever and ever and tell you juicy secrets and tell you about my "problems" and non-existent teen love life, but i wouldn't want to have to make a Blog of my own. Not yet at least (:

By the way, my mom is really the best, she may love the dog more than she loves me but i dont blame her. the dog doesnt talk back. & plus, my kitty loves me (:
Speaking of the kitty, i havent seen him anywhere- hopefully he hasnt snuck out into the rain.

Oh wait, one more thing: I think all of you should explain to my mom that she should let me grow up and not to keep such a short leash on me ! Because ya know, she loves me and all :). Yeah! No groundment for the teens ! I'm. On. Strike.

Ah, gotta go. Mom just came in and told me to finish my room, typical. -.-

Later ! (:

panties......BLOWING IN THE WIND

IF YOU'LL NOTICE that 2PM spot on the map........that's us. Right now!

The wind has been howling all day. It feels like someone's throwing objects at the house. My hurricane shutters aren't closed yet because Papi has a wonderful sense of adventure and procrastination. He feels that the pork roast in the oven is infinitely more important than the possibility of window damage. My bedroom has French doors to an outdoor balcony and I'm passing away the afternoon watching the palm trees bend. Hopefully, no flying coconuts.

We can't see the ocean anymore. It's all blended in to the sky in an endless shade of gray. Not really too much rain either, just wind speeds now in excess of 40mph and increasing.

But at least the power is on still, and we're still on enforced holiday from work and school. I think we avoided the bullet this time, but then, the mainland is going to get hit with the real storm tomorrow.

SO STAY TUNED.....

PANTIES LOOSENING UP

Things are looking up if not better. The storm IS headed our way. But school has been cancelled, the hospital has suspended surgery for the next 2 days at least, and all possessions including the boat, are transferred and safe. NO school and NO work. We have a full pantry, extra gasoline for the generator and plenty of candles, flashlights and propane to last us for however many days we need.

The authorities started tourist evacuation of the Keys today. Which means the line of traffic OUT was phenomenal. Luckily, our travels today have mostly been IN, toward Key West to finish off the move. The boat was the last thing moved. They're expecting storm surge, combined with a full moon will equal very HIGH tides, so flooding is a possibility. We're in good shape. Only thing left is slide the shutters closed on the windows.

Right now it's sunny and breezy in Marathon. The seas look ok, not too angry. And I'm tired, but happy that I'm getting a little reprieve after this most hectic weekend.

I'm picking up a wireless signal in the neighborhood, so I can write on the blog and check NOAA's website for updates.

Stay tuned---this is going to be an adventure: My first hurricane in the Keys!

Panties in a a wad

I think we have a hurricane headed our way. It's supposed to hit us Monday.

I'm moving this weekend. Everything I own is in boxes, including my toothbrush.

I start my new job on Monday.

TeenQueen starts her new school on Monday.

I have no Internet service, no phone service and no cable until later in the week.

I'm having a meltdown............

Daydreaming in Paradise

Where do I see myself in 10-15 years?

It will just be Papi and I. And the dog. And the cat. Free to roam around the world. It's an interesting thought. And before you know it, PRESTO! Time has flown and here it is! So.....what do you want to do when you grow up?

Buy a sailboat. Preferably a trimaran.

Live on it.

Sail around the Caribbean in it. Go to Cuba.


That's what I want to do.

Just a few things to learn along the way. First, how to sail. Second, how to not get seasick. Third, get rid of all our stuff and live in a confined space. Fourth, try not to have a hip or knee replacement in the meantime.

SURE! IT IS DOABLE! I have time to learn. But I'd better hurry up and start learning!

FINDING RELIGION

http://snipentology.com/index.htm

I am going to join the Church of Snipentology. It holds services on Sunday, you can take your dog and your friends, and best of all, the dress code is BEACH CASUAL.

You'll find some of my co-workers at the Church: Suzie Jo, Wendy, Christina and Sandy, our former ER nurse manager.

ONLY IN KEY WEST!

MOJITOGIRL and the end of summer

The lease is signed! Moving date is August 15th. Marathon, here I come!

A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can breathe again knowing I'm not going to get stuck in an icky house because we couldn't find anything we liked. We really like this place. At my age, after being a homeowner for soooo many years, you get accustomed to living in nice places and being comfortable. I hate carpets, white walls, ugly kitchens and icky bathtubs. I like my fixtures updated. I like clean and fresh. And I HATE the smell of mold.

The new place is quite lovely. Three stories. Main living/dining/eat in kitchen and laundry on the second floor. Bedrooms on the third floor. Balconies on both floors. The first floor has a foyer, then indoor storage. It's on a quiet street. Ocean views from upstairs, and a great view of the Seven Mile Bridge from the top floor. Also a great little pool area just steps from our place. And the complex is mostly empty. Travelers from the hospital stay there and they say it's very quiet.

My packing is almost done. I go back to work tomorrow for a six night stretch. The TeenQueen arrives late next week. The honeymoon is almost over. Papi and I are really looking forward to getting up and having coffee together in the morning before heading out to work, instead of him just leaving it ready for me when I get home. We're looking forward to a lot of things these days... I'm happy he's happy. It truly has been a relaxing summer.

I have to give you one last GREAT ER POST before I sail off into the sunset. I'm twirling some ideas around......There are some characters that need to be immortalized in print. I just want to formulate the right words so you can get a mental picture of how screamingly funny this last year has been at work. Sometimes I wish I could capture these scenarios on video......but then I remember....HIPAA......oh yeah, them!

All I know is that the cast of characters includes: The NarcoNoseSpray Lady, the Dancing Money Dude, The Munschausen Village Idiot, the Cuban Party People, the Burka Lady, and the drunken Wynken, Blynken and Nod. And oh let's not forget Torquemada, Head of the torture party and Sugardaddy.com!

It sounds frightful just writing out their monikers!

Just when I thought I'd end up homeless....

THE TOWNHOUSE IS OURS!!! WE'RE MOVING TO MARATHON! 57 SECONDS OF COMMUTING TO WORK!! YIPPEE.........


Boy do I have a lot of work to do!

I'm dreaming of closet space and stainless steel appliances.....sunsets on the Seven Mile Bridge......walking to work.....happy beyond belief!

THE MAP

If you're an occasional visitor to SUNBURNPARADISE you may have noticed the addition of THE MAP to the top of the blog. I thought it appropriate to point out the location of the Florida Keys because I still get a lot of "where exactly are you?" Some people seem to think of Key West as a city somewhere in the US, but unless they've been down here they don't appreciate the fact that it's OUT THERE......in the middle of the ocean.....with only little islands and bridges connecting it to a mainland far, far away. A little geographically undesireable for many things, as I've posted before. Shopping, major trauma, shopping, all those things that make life easier.

The map will also give you an idea of the distances we drive to do things (and this is with gas prices at their highest because.....we're the last point south in the nation. The difference between Marathon and Key West is approximately fifty miles. I work in Key West, Mile Marker 0. Papi works in Marathon at Mile marker 49. We live halfway in the middle, between Cudjoe and Big Pine Key. Papi's commute takes him over the Seven Mile Bridge daily. Mine takes me all the way down through the little islands. In any case it's about a half hour each way, since it's two lanes and usually 45mph.

Where's the nearest movie theater, MacDonalds, Home Depot? Marathon or Key West. Dry cleaners? Same. The TeenQueen's school is on another island on Mile Marker 19, 8 miles from home. Unless you're in dire need of boat parts or a beer, you gotta travel. Therefore the need to move, especially since now I'm moving to Papi's hospital.

We're tired of driving. Our gas bills are screamingly high. All I want is a place to live where it will take me five minutes to get to work and have everything in a five mile radius.

I spent the day yesterday house-hunting. The word "house" is verrryy elastic here in the Keys. It can mean everything from a typical ground level house to an elevated stilt house to a trailer with an attached porch. You never know what to expect when you go see a property. And if you rule out the million dollar homes on the ocean at the high end and the single-wide trailers on stilts at the low end, you're really not left with a lot of choices.

I think I found a house, though. I saw a lovely stand-alone 3 story townhouse yesterday. Pretty new, plenty of closets, a kitchen to die for and tile for the pets. And a pool for the TeenQueen. Better yet a whole 57 seconds of commute to the hospital. We can walk to work! Not on the water, but I have a view of the ocean from the balconies and close to boat ramps to launch the toy. And best of all, not a million dollar rental! I WANT THIS HOUSE!

So.............what's for breakfast?

Happy Friday to all! A six-day weekend stretches before me........

I have survived a four-night ER stretch just a little worse for wear. Nothing really major. We've seen a lot of gory and pustulent abscesses this week. Staph is ENDEMIC in this part of the world. Sometimes all I want to do is take a hot soapy shower mid-shift .Hibiclens is definitely my best friend. Armpit abscesses, groin abscesses, buttock abscesses, breast abscesses, little ones and big ones. The pus is running fast and loose around here!

At the same time, nobody's coded, everyone's gotten stabilized and sent to ICU in a speedy manner or flown out quickly. I even managed, in the span of ten minutes tonight, to get my patient out to the chopper, pump an overdose's stomach and field a call from the Teen Queen. Talk about multi-tasking in a limited time frame!

All systems are go for my transfer to PACU at Papi's hospital. This means that I have 2 weeks left before the ER gig is up on a permanent basis. I can't believe it's almost been a year to the day since I got to Key West and embarked on this amazing adventure. I'm going to miss these people and this job. I haven't had this much fun since college. And they PAY me to do it!

But, it's time for life to be normal again. It's time for me to get up at a normal hour, work during the day like normal folks do, have dinner with my family again and put everybody to bed before I retire. It's time to rejoin the family unit. I'm sorry to have to let it go, but as MOM, I know it's time to take charge of this "put the fun in dysfunctional" family. Break out the sleeping pills. I gotta learn to sleep at NIGHT again!

Off to sleep I go......at 8am. When I wake up, it will be time for the Sunset Celebration. Hopefully Papi will have the shrimp on ice and the margaritas mixed.

Shrimp and margaritas for breakfast. What a concept. Only in Paradise!

A SMALL CONTRIBUTION TO THE HEALTH AND WELL-BEING OF KEY WEST

I just had to add this little note of thanks and give credit where credit is due!

We take our Cuban coffee seriously here in Key West. From the cafe con leches to the coladas to the buches, it keeps our motors running and our spirits high. The night shift in the ER truly appreciates good Cuban coffee at 3am. And we have Sandy's Cafe on White Street to thank. They're open 24/7 and always ready to take our order in the middle of the night so when can keep the madness (or the party) going.

So, big round of applause to the Sandy's crew and a big thanks to KIM, who calls in our order, picks it up and delivers it Godspeed.

And if you're ever down here in Key West, go check them out for your late night coffee and munchies. Try the plantains, too.....highly recommended by Mojitogirl, who knows a good plaintain when she eats one.

THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD

Rescue calls in that they're bringing in a patient found pretty much unresponsive on the sidewalk. Nothing new in our little part of the world. We rush him in and find him sweating profusely, obtunded, pinpoint pupils. Can't talk, can't give a history. Well dressed and is wearing the biggest solid gold chain and gold coin I've ever seen. Doesn't react to Narcan or Romazicon reversal. Has alternating periods between lethargy and combativeness. Lucky for us, since he's built SOLID. It takes 4 or 5 of us to hold him down when he stirs. We get labs, and rush him to CT. Clean scan, no problems there. Labs are unremarkable. NO drugs or alcohol in his system. Vital signs stable throughout. EKG perfectly normal. Wife comes in and tells us he's an extremely healthy, hard-working fellow. WE ARE STUMPED!
What the hell is wrong with him then?

We start hydrating him and PRESTO! He starts coming back slowly. First he responds to verbal stimuli, then he answers questions. He loses the combativeness. Within two hours of hydration, he's awake, alert, oriented and cracking jokes. HEAT EXHAUSTION is the official diagnosis! Amazing! By the time we transfer him upstairs, he's perfect. Except for one thing. He's missing his solid gold Rolex watch. He didn't have it on arrival. He was truly afraid it might have been taken from him while he was unresponsive on the sidewalk. It was a possibility he had to seriously consider.

At 3AM the same rescue crew rolls back in with another patient. They happen to ask about the man. I ask them to check the back of the truck to see if the watch might be in there. PRESTO! One solid gold Rolex watch is found. I personally deliver it to him upstairs in his room.

How lucky can you get in one day?

No matter how crappy my night was (and IT WAS CRAPPY!) he was the bright spot in my shift tonight.

REFER TO mojitogirl's LAW #1: HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE!

WILDLIFE ADVENTURES

I almost went swimming with this pack of dolphins. But Papi wouldn't let me jump off the boat. Always sooo protective of his babe.....

What NOT TO DO when vacationing in Key West

I like tourists. I really do. I was a tourist once, too (and look what happened! My dream came true and I got to STAY). Tourists usually make good patients, they're mostly polite, usually scared that something's happening to them so far from home and happy that we can treat them so quickly and get them on their way. Still, it's a real bummer to anyone if you break a bone, need stitches, or end up intubated sometime during your hard-earned vacation. So Mojitogirl has put together a small list of reminders to make sure your vacation goes smoothly and you don't get to see me on a professional basis while in Paradise!

1. HYDRATE, HYDRATE HYDRATE! And I don't mean beer! It's hot here. Hot and humid. Probably hotter than you're used to. And it's also an outdoor kind of town. You're going to sweat and lose fluids without even noticing. Drink water. Then drink more water. We get all kinds of folks in for dehydration. If you drink, you won't lose a few precious hours of vacation time in the ER rehydrating.

2. It's a small town. We call it a 2 x 4 island. You walk a lot. Or you ride a bike or rent a scooter. Be really careful doing all three. The streets are older and uneven, there are a lot of parked cars, tree roots in the sidewalks, drunk tourists riding scooters. We see LOTS of scooter accidents, people tripping on the sidewalks, people slipping on wet streets, people falling off bicycles. Just be careful. Most of these happen to people who have never driven scooters, or haven't been on a bike in years.

3. Alcohol and water sports do not mix. PERIOD. What would possess anyone to drive a jetski or a powerboat under the influence? We see more near-drownings from jetski accidents than from swimming mishaps. Wear your lifejacket and watch the speed.

4. Don't take a 100 foot dive right after getting your brand new certification. It could be painful AND expensive, since the nearest decompression chamber is near the mainland and you'll buy yourself a chopper ride.

5. Don't leave your oxygen tank at home if you come on vacation and you're oxygen dependent. Just because the air is clean and the island is breeze-swept doesn't mean you're not going to decompensate. Can you imagine the vacation stories? "What did you do on holiday? Oh, I went to Key West and got intubated." STUPID STUPID STUPID.

6. Invest in an inexpensive pair of water shoes that you will shield your feet from coral, glass or any other sharp objects when in the water. It will save you a trip to the ER to remove embedded foreign bodies.

7. I understand that on vacation, you're letting loose, eating and drinking and unleashing the inner child, usually without the children along. Be sensible. Don't drink or eat or drug to excess. If you're going to pass out drunk somewhere, do it in the privacy of your hotel room, not on Duval Street, where our trusty KW police with haul your drunken carcass over to the ER. Guaranteed.

8. Sunburn is NOT an emergency that needs to be seen in the ER. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION.

Otherwise, enjoy your stay in PARADISE!

What do pelicans dream of?


It has been a tranquil and uneventful week so far. Sunday night we had ZILCH for ER traffic. We were idle for hours. Dr. Skittles was at the helm of a well-oiled unit that had nothing to do all night. I loved every minute of it. Tuesday I worked a day shift in PACU. By the time I came in, the schedule was done. I sat for hours, with only an hour's worth of epidural steroid injections and an emergency C-section to break up the monotony. Papi has been coming home early because they don't have cases either. The only wrench in the works has been the RAIN. It has been overcast, humid and showering since the beginning of the weekend. No boating, no tanning. No fun. But it has been RELAXING.....

I have two back to back shifts in the ER and then the weekend begins. I've already told Papi to have the shrimp and margaritas ready for Friday's Sunset Celebration. I figure if you welcome the weekend with a bang, the weekend will be good to you!

Our wacky ER crew has decided that we should have a Christmas Party. In July. Just so we won't forget how it's done. So Friday July 25th, we are celebrating CHRISTMAS IN JULY, complete with Christmas decorations, Santa hats and gift exchange. Only in Key West....

My TEEN QUEEN is away in Miami. We've chatted several times since she left. She was a little miffed at me when we parted, since she was grounded for bad behavior. But things have smoothed out. In fact, I got this little love note as a comment on the blog:



Hi mom; its me. i miss you.
and i have be3en reading your blog.
but it seems like you dont miss you teen queen too much ):

i miss you though.
hope youre eye inefction gets better soon.

Love you always.



I do miss you darling. Every day. But I'm glad you're out there and realizing that you don't have it so GREAT when you're not home. That not EVERYBODY puts up with your drama. But I hope you are having a good time and that your travels go well. And when you come home, then WELCOME HOME. Until then, Mom loves and misses you. OK?

Behave......I can't save you from afar.....LOVE YOU!! mom

MOJITO CELEBRATES HER 100TH!

This is my 100th post to SUNBURNPARADISE. A lot of water under the proverbial bridge since I started writing this blog. Things have smoothed out, worked themselves out for the better. I've grown to like it here in Paradise, so much so that I don't plan to leave anytime soon.

It's 4:20AM and the ER is deserted. Not bad for a Friday night. Two more nights to go and our favorite, Dr. Skittles is on tonight, so we know it's going to be a good weekend. Our patients tonight have been well-behaved, not too sick, and SCARCE. Gotta love it.

My eyeballs have behaved so far, just a little redness and itching. I look forward to getting home and having coffee on the patio with Papi before diving into bed for the day.

It's going to be a beautiful weekend, work or no work.

HONEYMOONERS

We're honeymooning for the summer. Teen Queen is gone....off to Miami, then leaving for Peru for the rest of the summer. The house is clean, quiet reigns with the occasional pitter-patter of the pets. No arguments. No loud music unless it's OUR music....HEAVEN!

I am temporarily sidelined with an eye infection which prohibits me from wearing contact lenses. So I AM BLIND! HOPELESSLY BLIND! Can't read, can't watch TV, can barely use the computer unless the font size is at its biggest. Can't drive, can't work, can barely get out of bed without stubbing a toe or running into something. I'm pretty blind (I wear contacts AND reading glasses on top of those) and I've already sliced my finger loading the dishwasher. So what's a girl to do?

The house-hunting is not yielding anything we like. We saw a very cute little A-frame house on a private beach which was great.....except it was the only house in a trailer park. Pass on that. There are plenty of houses available everywhere except in Marathon, where we're close to work. All we want is a cute little house with a kitchen big enough for Papi, a place for the boat, a killer sunset view and tile floors for the pets. Hopefully things will come available, since this little house turns into a pumpkin at the end of August.

All systems are GO for my transfer into PACU in September. My tenure in the ER is coming to an end. My life on the night shift is about to expire. My fun job. My most excellent, irreverent, outrageous co-workers, I'll miss you all. But....if anyone out there is interested in a way cool ER RN job in Paradise, let me know....I'll hook you up!

I've got 3 shifts coming up starting tonight....if my eyes behave and I can wear my contacts. One more day locked in the house blind and I'll have to scream, out of boredom, if not pain.

From Paradise, love and margaritas for all...HAPPY FRIDAY!!

STUPID MALE OF THE MONTH

EMS brings us a 30-ish female found passed out in a bathroom in a very reputable establishment on Duval St. Incoherent, unable to walk or talk, smelling of alcohol. You might think this was the usual drunken binge, but she was different: clean, well-cared for, manicured nails, jewelry, nicely dressed. Most probably a tourist. We confirmed that when we found her ID: yes, from out of town. We now knew her name, but not much else, since she was in no condition to talk.

We drew a tox screen and a blood alcohol level. Tox was negative and alcohol was over legal limit, but not our usual 300-500 range that our drunks score. Just a clean cut girl from out of town who probably wasn't used to drinking much and had one too many, then passed out in the bathroom. It took about two hours for her to be able to speak to us and give us some information.

First interesting point: She was out with her husband that night. She went to the bathroom and doesn't remember anything afterwards. Usually when the non-frequent flyers end up here, SOMEONE comes looking for them. Sometimes in large groups. Not in this case. We managed to get a cell phone number for her husband and called him.

HE was in a taxi going back to his hotel. HE had continued the bar crawl, unaware or not caring that his wife had stepped into the bathroom and disappeared into a black hole. HE was pissed that she was in the ER, even when told of the circumstances that brought her here. And he continued to berate her for the duration of her stay in the ER about how this put a "damper in the party."

Now realize, these were nice-looking people, probably professionals, judging by the size of the diamond on her finger.

If I disappeared into a public bathroom for any unusual length of time, you can well assure that my husband would probably break the door down to find me. He wouldn't just continue the party, or worse yet, leave the establishment and go on to the next place, or back to the hotel. Call me old-fashioned, but would YOU want to be married to someone who is oblivious and uncaring about the circumstances you may find yourself in? Would you want your significant other to abandon you in a vulnerable state, in a strange town?

I don't GET IT. I find it so wrong on SO MANY LEVELS. Hell, why be married in the first place?


HEY MISTER! YOU'RE A FIRST CLASS JERK! PEOPLE LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO MARRY, MUCH LESS REPRODUCE!!

I LOVE THIS GUY!!!

Maybe we should hire him as the TRIAGE NURSE.

All of a sudden, it hits you........

You know that you've got it BAD when.....

You haven't left the Keys yet and you're already wishing you were back in your elevated little house overlooking the water.

You can't wait to do your things and get back to the islands.

You're back at home, in your DREAM HOUSE, in the house that cost you blood, sweat and tears to keep afloat, in the house you'd thought you missed more than anything and all you think about is BLUE WATER.

You keep meandering through your big big house with the stairs and realize, "I can't grow old in this house. It's tooo big. Too much work."

Your grass is overgrown, an oak tree that was hit by lightning is obstructing your driveway and all you're thinking about is palm trees in your pearock yard.

It's time.....

The house is on the market.

The Keys win.

Home is where the BLUE WATER is.


PS...........anybody out there wanna buy a REALLY BIG HOUSE in the country?

I'm signing off for a couple of days because................

I'M GOING HOME!

I'm going to go shutter up the house for hurricane season and bring some more stuff down here. Hopefully try to catch some beach time at the World's Most Famous Beach, see some friends and enjoy the view of the pine forests and green pasture.

I'm soooo excited!

SEE YA!

LAWS TO LIVE BY IN THE ER

Here's a nod to DR. DINO. This was just too good not to share with the rest of the blogosphere!



First Law: The Art of Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature takes its course.

Second Law: It is impossible to make an asymptomatic patient feel better.

Third Law: The urgency of the test is inversely proportional to the IQ of the insurance company preauthorization clerk.

Fourth Law: There is no cure for stupid.

Fifth Law: A patient's acceptance of a screening test is inversely proportional to its necessity for that particular patient.

Sixth Law: Trauma survival is inversely related to the patient's value to society.

Seventh Law: Fertility is inversely proportional to intelligence.

Eighth Law: The better the surgeon, the more reluctant s/he is to operate.

Ninth Law:
Part A: It has to be fun.
Part B: If it isn't fun, see Part A.

Tenth Law: "Simple" and "Easy" are not necessarily the same.

Eleventh Law: Poor planning on your part is not an emergency on my part.

Twelfth Law: A bad idea held by many people for a long time is still a bad idea.

THE THREE AMIGOS

OUR WILD AND WACKY ER NIGHT STAFF!

This is what happens when you get too much free time on your hands!

WHEN SLICK TEEN QUEENS GOES BAD

I love it when my teen thinks she's soooo slick that she can get away with anything and Mom will believe it.

Case in point:

I was going off to work. Papi was catering a party. Teen and Best Friend were at home, staying over. They were specifically instructed not to leave the house that night. "NO PROBLEM MOM, WE'RE JUST GOING TO CHILL HERE." right........

I call several times to check up on them. Everything's fine until about 9:30pm when no one picks up the call. Papi gets home at 10:30pm, and no one's home. Apparently Teen Queen had called and said they were at Best Friend's house to pick up hair dye and were "on their way back". So he went to bed and fell asleep. They didn't pick up the phone again until 02:30am. And proceeded to tell me the following story, both by phone and in this interesting e-mail:

Hey. You had to go right when i got Dan awake, but anyways.
Hopefully it calms down and you check your email.
if not, you're checking this when youre awake or just getting home or something.

Anyways- i was home.
I needed to bring back the bleach, and pink dye because i left it at Carina's
and She needed clothes anyhow, so we took a bus. and the next one came in 30 minutes.
so we just waited.

We got here at like...7? 7ish.
and knocked out.
lights out.
the only light on in the house was the one in the kitchen.
so when Dan came in, he could see.
Dan probally didnt check my room.

and the pets were outside, so yeah.
but i have D E F I N I T E L Y been home all night except for those like 45 mins,
maybe hour.


Okay? whether you choose to believe me or not is up to you. but yeah. thats what
happened.

Night night.


So how many conflicting stories do we have here?

When I get home at 7am, I drag the Teen out of bed and again ask here where she's been, what time she gets home, etc. The story starts to deviate again. So I put both her and Best Friend in the car, drive to Best Friend's house, wake up her parents and say...."We have a little problem with the girls' whereabouts last night". BUSTED!!!!!

So, where were the girls last night? In Key West. Supposedly at the movies. How did they get there? How did they get back?

How did they manage to get into sooooo much TROUBLE?

Kid, let me tell you something. I came and went on that road already. There isn't a story you can tell me that I haven't heard or used before. Don't try to outslick an adult. That's why we're ADULTS and you're still a KID. And parents don't do this because we want to keep you down and from having fun. We just want to keep you SAFE. We want to keep away that dreaded phone call or knock on the door in the middle of the night with the bad news. We want to make sure you never have to live through a bad accident, a rape, a beating, a night in jail. It's already cost you a trip to Daytona Beach to see your best friend, your computer access, your phone and your summer in the Keys. And just WAIT until your father finds out!

You'll have plenty of time to have fun. PLENTY OF TIME to dance on tables and date icky boys your mom won't like. Plenty of time to let loose on the world. Just not now until you learn to be trustworthy and responsible.

JUST NOT NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!!!

FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE ER:

11PM. WE'RE EMPTY!

Dr. Skittles has worked his magic again. He has the uncanny ability to make our nights lighter, brighter and less like work. And we've got him ALL WEEKEND!! YIPPEEEEE!!

Last night was a killer. If I ever forgot how to put in NG and OG tubes, last night was an intensive refresher course. And I HATE putting those things in......I've had one in myself and there's no way around it.....it is UNPLEASANT to say the least. I also had a duo of Vomiting Vixens, who did nothing all night but spew a la EXORCIST. There was no meds that would stop the spew from spewing. Hence, the NGT's.

So, unless somebody near death or with his head dangling loosely from his body comes in tonight, LET ME REST! Let those little protruding bones in my feet that scream my name over and over be relaxed and propped up. Let the eminent Dr. Skittles bless us with his magic.

Happy Friday from an ER somewhere in the Florida Keys!

My STATE OF MIND THIS WEEK

I'm up at 3AM for a 6AM shift. I don't know if I'm coming or going. This is Day 3 of a 7 day stretch, and my last shift on days in PACU. Tomorrow it's back to ER at night.

So much for taking it easy this summer.

I have something to look forward to: 8 days off, starting before the July 4th weekend!!

p.s. I do a mean Lili von Shtup imitation......

“Scratch any cynic,” he said, “and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”


RIP GEORGE. Maybe you'll find all your stuff......

NEWS FLASH! TEENAGE TERRORIST ON THE LOOSE IN KEY WEST!

Ah, the summer months. Down time everywhere. Less work, no stress, no one home but Papi and I............. plans SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!!!! to a halt.

Except that this summer. Daniella doesn't want to leave.

She has spent every summer with her father. She usually goes to Miami, and then from there they go on vacation, or to camp, or to visit family for the summer around the country. She used to look forward to spending the summer with her Miami friends. Not this year......OH NOOOO,,,,,

She wants to be here. In the Keys. At the beach. In Key West. On Duval St. Taking the bus up and down. Seeing her friends. Getting a tan. Anywhere but with her father. And he doesn't know it yet.

So far, she's been out of school for 2 weeks, and has managed to put him off. She can't put him off much longer!

Of course, I've never wanted her to go. It used to be murder at the beginning, missing her all the time. Especially since she and her stepmom did not get along, and she did whatever she could to get under her skin. But it was inevitable. Every summer, she went, and didn't come back until the beginning of the school year. But this year, the mouse roared. In no UNCERTAIN TERMS, she told her father that she wasn't spending ALL summer with him. She had a social life, you know.

Of course, while it's nice to have her here, it throws a wrench in some of my plans. I have house-hunting to do. I'm working both daylight and nighttime hours, which means my schedule is retarded. I can't be trotting her around town all day. And it won't be a mess-free summer, as usual (OK call me a little selfish!).

The kid's growing up. Heaven help us all.

I LOVE MY JOB--PART 2.

I love the fact that we saw more drunks tonight than the night of FantasyFest. I love it that our local law enforcement had so much presence in here tonight you would have thought we had our own little police station. I love the fact that things were cool, no one got hurt, spat upon, vomited on. Just a couple of mild verbal barrages until the Haldol kicked in.

I also got hit on--by a woman. Oh, well, you can't have it all....

But what I love the most is that it's the start of a four day weekend!

DO YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO?

I love my job.

I love days like this when I leave work knowing I was able to help someone feel better, breathe better, get well faster, fix an issue. I love it that my job provides satisfaction on so many levels. I really though that eventually, I would burn out on nursing if I did it long enough. Not the case here.

Maybe it's because I don't allow myself to get bored. Maybe that's why I sign up to work in different areas. That way I rotate and stay fresh. It's still exciting after all these years, no matter how calm I look while I'm doing the work.

That's why I need to go back to school. I need to broaden my knowledge base. Just in case somewhere along the line it isn't fun anymore.

But in the meantime..........It's still fun. And I'm enjoying every minute of it.

ETOH

There is a societal problem when your place of residence is known as "A drinking village with a fishing problem."

There is a problem when your best selling T-shirts say, "Rehab is for quitters" and "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings."

There is a problem when over 60% of your clientele is either drunk, has a chronic illness related to their drinking, seizing because they're not drinking enough or dying of cirrhosis.

There's a big problem when the locals laugh it off and call it "Keys Disease."

Does anyone else find this to be a problem?

A LITTLE TOUGH LOVE (and it isn't even MY kid!)

I open the triage door to find a very young man being held up by the scruff of his collar. The holder is his father. The holdee can barely stand by himself. He mumbles, slurs, shuffles. Apparently he was drinking and might have taken some Xannie bars, per his father. Inside to a room he goes, half shuffling, half dragged by the collar.

I put monitors on him, take his vitals, start IV access and draw blood for lab. Talk to the parents and tell them what we're doing, what we're waiting for and what to expect. I tell the patient to leave on the EKG leads and the BP monitor, because we're going to monitor him. He's pretty incoherent and drowsy, but agreeable.

Ten minutes later, I pop my head in to do a visual inspection. He's pulled off all the monitoring equipment, pulled the IV out, is stumbling out of bed. And now VERY aggresive. I tell him to sit back down. The F-bomb barrage is profuse. I call for backup.

We explain to him nicely that he is not acting rationally and he may fall and hurt himself. He is warned that he may be restrained for his own safety. When he takes a swing at us, throws his vomit bucket at me and spits at the charge nurse, he seals his fate.

Suddenly he turns into a whining, tearful little kid crying for his mommy. All the while calling me the "bald bitch" who tied him up.

Mommy's at the bedside enabling him while he acts up and screams obscenities at me and other staff. Lovely. Dad's outside smoking, looking like he's seen it all happen before and OVER IT.

Slowly with the help of some IV fluids, he sobers up. Drug test negative. Blood alcohol in the triple digits. Attitude in the toilet.
I give him the little speech that perhaps he should TRY to be a little nicer to his caregivers if he wanted to have his restraints removed.....it slowly sank in......maybe 4 hours later, when there was no family around to listen to him whine about how UNFAIR life was........

He was finally released to his parents hours later, sober, embarassed (and I hope) lesson learned. You don't gulp down a bottle of vodka in a record amount of time. It can kill you.

Especially when you are 12 years old.


I got an apology and a hug from him when he left.

This is my first day off (my first REAL DAY OFF) in two weeks. Sunset Celebration is about to begin.....steak's on the grill, the breeze is blowing and the sun is filtering through the palm trees, kissing the day with its farewell.

It's going to be a great beach weekend. Seas are light and only a few passing clouds forecast. Tomorrow we head out at high noon for a wedding on the beach in Marathon. Verry romantic! Sunday it's out to the ocean to see what trouble we can get into.

In the meantime, the sun begins its final descent.......Have a wonderful weekend, wherever you may find yourself!

OH LUCKY DAY!

A woman is found unresponsive, passed out at a gas station between the pumps. EMS picks her up, no ID to speak of, lethargic, not making sense, wearing a bathing suit, filthy, full of grease. She alternates between being needy and hostile.

A man is found on the streets, c/o knee pain. He says he's a Secret Service agent, and that he's on a mission, which he can't talk about. EMS picks him up and he's hostile and combative throughout the trip.

A woman is found wandering naked in her apartment complex, trying to open someone else's apartment door. She forgot how many pain pills she took for her aching leg, plus she takes enough psych meds to down a small village.

A woman is brought in by EMS and the police. She states she is pregnant and has been assaulted. She says she's been pregnant since January, 2007, that Jason Taylor (Mr. Dancing with the Stars) is her babydaddy, and that the baby's hiding behind her spine, because someone hit her and the baby got scared and went into hiding. There's not a mark on her.

What do all these people have in common? They ended up with ME tonight!

Where do all these lost souls come from? Are they all here in this town? It seems we have a disproportionate amount of these running around, sleeping on the beach, walking our streets. Is it because we're the last spit of land on the continental US before you hit water?

Is it coincidental that they all traipsed in after midnight--on Friday the 13th? It's not even a full moon yet. I can hardly wait.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

DAY IN, DAY OUT

It's been a hectic week. Non-stop since the last week. I have overextended myself and I'm paying for it. My back hurts. My contacts are itchy. And I was awakened from a very sound sleep howling in pain from a leg cramp. I nearly scared my kid half to death, screaming in pain. 24 hours later, I'm still sore. And not a heating patch in sight.....

Spent the weekend sitting in class doing the CEN review. I got some perspective as to what I need to review for the test. I'm pretty prepared for it, now I just need to fine-tune the knowledge. You really don't know how much you know until someone points it out to you! Anyway, we had a good time doing it. My co-worker and I even managed to get in a little SHOPPING TIME and try out some restaurants which we don't have here in the Keys. But in the end, we were dying to get back to the islands and see some blue seas and endless water.

The ER has been slow lately. Not as slow as we would like. A lot of locals, since it's off-season. Some really sick people have been coming through. And for some reason, we're having a lot of patients going through DT's. I know that this is a drinking town with a fishing problem, but the staff is taking a beating with the alcohol issue. EVERYBODY is tired of wrestling drunks! And it's an equal opportunity drinking village, too---men, women, young and old. AA needs a bigger chapter here.

Hurricane season has officially started. Now in addition to knowing when the tides are coming in, we're all watching rainy spots and depression formations on the weather maps. They say Floridians are all amateur meteorologists. They're not kidding. Down here, we watch storm formation and start plotting paths before NOAA does. I'm just hoping it's an uneventful hurricane season. Not only do I have to worry about the house I'm in right now, but I have the house in Volusia County to worry about. That one is sitting up there unprotected. And after being hit with three sequential hurricanes in 2004, I know we can easily be in the line of fire at any moment--and I'm 7 hours away.

School is out. Nobody got hurt. The kid's ordeal is over. Onward to better things. I want to take this opportunity to thank one of her teachers, Ms. A., for all her support and understanding. You were a shining light in this little hellhole of a school. Both Dani and I appreciate you lending your moral support and your patience toward her. She told me you read the blog. I hope this message goes out loud and clear: her school year would have been absolutely intolerable without you. YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE!! MANY THANKS!!

The sun is up. It's time to sleep. Then I wake up and get to do it all over again.