Thursday, September 24, 2009

BOOBS IN PARADISE

I have decided I am the shit magnet in the ER this month. Everytime I work, it's wall to wall patients, nut jobs and repeat offenders. And I am the lowest common denominator. It gets bad when everyone, including the lab personnel, see me in the ER and go " .......OH NO..........it's HER!" What did I do to deserve this? Some of the docs are even jokingly asking me when I work next month so they won't schedule on the same day. Funny, you guys...

So we're busy. It's ok, it's not like we have hellish days. Compared to real hospitals, a bad day in our ER is a great day anywhere else. So we see twenty people in a 12 hour shift. I've worked places where 20 people are triaged in an HOUR. Sound familiar? Our problem is we have a running shortage of docs. Our local docs are worked to death. Our part-timers fill in, but they're not in town. They can't just be called if one of the locals is exhausted, needs back-up, or becomes ill, as has happened before. And God forbid, something catastrophic happens, like it did several weeks ago. One of our out-of-town docs had a car accident and broke his hand and wrist, requiring plates/screws etc. Our local doc had worked 24 hours of a very busy shift, and there was no one to replace him. We were lucky to see our first patient at noon, but what if the trend had continued? I felt awful for him.

So if anyone wants to work as an ER physician in PARADISE, please think of us! Great sunsets, lobster benedict for breakfast across the street, a fun bunch of nurses in the ER. We treat our docs well. We feed them. Take them out for cocktails. Lend them boats to go fishing. Babysit their pets. Come on down!!!

Best ER story of the week. If you're unemployed, on Medicaid, on methadone for "chronic pain" issues, you have no business getting a boob job. You equally have no business not doing your follow-up visit for your boob job, taking a ten-day supply of narcotics in 3-4 days, then coming to the ER to get more narcotics because the boob job hurts SOOOOOO much and you're all bruised and could you please give me a note for class because I can't sit at the computer in school with these hurtin' BOOBS! And then fall asleep, stoned out of your mind while the doc is interviewing you........asleep with food in your mouth.

Sometimes I wish I could take pictures.........HIPAAA........I know...........sucks.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

'HIPPA CONSENT TO PHOTOGRAPH FORM'---IT'LL BE EXCITING TO SEE PICS OF U'R STORIES TOO....JAJA TAKE CARE
LUV YA HELEN

JS said...

Sounds like a night in Detroit! JS

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Your descriptions are more than good enough, ma'am.

Nurse Practitioners Save Lives said...

I totally sympathize with you regarding pain meds for voluntary procedures. ESPECIALLY for crackheads. Sorry..I don't mind that they get the procedure, even crackheads need bigger boobs, but that they expect the ER and my office to provide more pain meds. I have to work a half day Saturday which is supposed to be sick calls only and get barraged with pain med requests. I tell them too bad that NPs can't write for those meds!