3. "I feel like I'm going to die". When patients stay this, they usually crap out on you. It's happened too many times. I tell my patients it's against hospital policy to utter these words in the ER.
4. "No, I haven't been drinking".
5. "Yes I have seizures, I just don't take anything for it."
6. "I didn't know you couldn't take (fill in the blanks) and drink at the same time."
7. "I have chest pain." Especially after we won't give you Dilaudid for your foot pain.
8. "I'm gonna report you to the Board of Nursing for not giving me Dilaudid.....Demerol.....Oxycontin.....Methadone....etc.
9. "I'm allergic to Toradol." OK we'll give you Ketorolac.
10. "I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!" (Screamed at the top of your lungs while your pulse ox is measuring 100% saturation).
11. " I have panic attacks."
12. "Why did you cut my clothes off?" Because you have a femur fracture and it would hurt too much to ask you to stand up and take your shorts off, you silly drunk boy who crashed your scooter into a concrete pole!
13. " I have bad asthma. I also smoke 2 packs a day. With my oxygen on."
14. "The baby has a fever of 104. No I didn't give him any Tylenol. Or Motrin."
15. "No, I can't take report right now." OK, we'll close the ER since we have no more available beds or spaces in the hall until you deem it the correct alignment of sun, moon and stars in order to take the patient.
16. "Is this all you're giving me for pain to go home?" Yup. Not my call. I don't write scripts. Not within MY scope of practice. Goodbye. Have a nice day.